Appearance

How she adorns herself

Girl-Gone-Wild: Unbecoming, Indecent, Excessive
Girl-Gone-Wise:Becoming, Decent, Moderate

Girl-Gone-Wild: “And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute.” Proverbs 7:10

Girl-Gone-Wise: “Strength and dignity are her clothing.” Proverbs 31:25   She adorns herself with respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control. 1 Timothy 2:9

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It appears that some of the wealthy women at the church in Ephesus were adorning themselves inappropriately-and very likely, quite provocatively. The way they dressed presented a problem. Their clothing was opulent, their jewelry was excessive, and their hairstyles were extravagant. Braided hair was considered a work of art and was very popular among Greek and Roman women. They intertwined elaborate braids with chains of gold or strings of pearls, and piled them up high above their heads. Their big hair, low cut togas, and mounds of tinkling gold bracelets were likely distracting fellow-worshippers. They were dressing “as a prostitute.”

In his letter to Timothy, Paul encouraged these primped women to evaluate their wardrobe in light of the overall purpose of clothing. He counseled them to dress in a way that was in keeping with their Christian character, and to concentrate on what was most important. While their inner heart attitude was Paul’s primary concern, he did cite three Greek adjectives that would help them govern their choice of clothing: kosmios, aidos, and sophrosune. The English Standard Version of the Bible translates these qualifiers as “respectable,” “modest” and “self-controlled.” Other translations use a variety of other words to translate the Greek. These three terms are related and their meanings are very rich and overlap in some ways. They give us some valuable insight about what and what not to wear:

1.  Is it becoming or unbecoming? (Greek: kosmios) = “aptly arranged”

Translated: respectable, modest, suitable, proper, becoming, fitting

Kosmios is the descriptive form of the Greek noun kosmos, from which we derive our English word, cosmos-the universe. The Greeks regarded the universe to be an ordered, integrated, harmonious whole. Kosmos is the opposite of chaos. So when Paul told the women that their adornment should be kosmios, he meant that like the universe, all the parts should be aptly and harmoniously arranged with the other parts. It should be “becoming”-that is, appropriate or fitting for someone and/or something. Given the context, I believe Paul was implying that our adornment ought to be becoming on a number of different levels.

First, and foremost, your clothing ought to be becoming, congruous with, fitting to, and consistent with your character as a child of God. It needs to “match” the clothing of Christ. But it also ought to be becoming to your body type, becoming to your femininity, becoming to the other clothes you are wearing, and becoming to the occasion and place you intend to wear it. There’s a tremendous amount of guidance in that small word, becoming. There’s a “cosmic” amount, because it challenges you to evaluate your clothes, shoes, purses, make-up and hair from multiple angles, as part of the harmonious, integrated whole of your life. It challenges you to line up the seen with the unseen, and the temporal with the eternal. It challenges you to bring a cosmic perspective to bear on your every day decisions about what to wear.

I like the word Paul chose. It has enormous implications. Kosmios means that a Christian woman’s “look” ought to be consistently put-together, inside and out. This challenges those who put an undue emphasis on external appearance as well as those who neglect their personal appearance. It’s a corrective to women who dress extravagantly like the ones in Ephesus. It’s a corrective to those who dress seductively like hookers. But it’s also a corrective to those who think that “holy” means frumpy, ugly, and unfeminine. Kosmios indicates that running around in baggy jeans and T-shirts all the time is just as inappropriate as being obsessed with stylish clothing.  Kosmios means that a woman’s appearance ought to be put-together nicely. It ought to be pleasant and attractive-on the inside, and on the outside.

Say that you’re trying to decide whether to buy a certain skirt. You try it on, look in the mirror, and ask yourself, “Is this kosmios?-Is it becoming?” Most women will ask and answer that question on the superficial level of “Do I like it and does it fit?” But Paul appears to be challenging women to take the question a lot further. He wants you to consider:

• Does it fit with who I am as a child of God?
• Does it fit with Christ likeness?
• Does it fit and flatter my body?
• Does it fit and flatter my femininity?
• Does it fit my age and stage of life?
• Does it fit my wardrobe?
• Does it fit my budget?
• Does it fit my needs?
• Does it fit the occasion?
• Does it fit the place I intend to wear it?

You get the picture. It all needs to fit. All of it. If the skirt is “becoming” in all of these areas, then you might wear it. If it’s unbecoming, then you shouldn’t.

2. Is it decent or indecent? (Greek: aidos) =”with eyes downcast”

Translated: sensible, decency, shamefacedness, propriety, modesty

The second word, aidos, is based on the Greek term for shame and disgrace. The word is a blend of modesty and humility. Modesty is how it’s most often translated. Aidos means “with eyes downcast.” It’s timid respect in the presence of a superior, penitent respect toward one who has been wronged, or the diffidence of a beggar in the presence of one from whom he seeks help.  It involves a sense of deficiency, inferiority, or unworthiness.  It suggests shame, but also a corresponding sense of reverence and honor toward rightful authority. It’s the opposite of insolence, imprudence, disrespect, or audacity. Downcast eyes are the opposite of defiant eyes.

So what does it mean to dress with your eyes downcast? Does it mean that you are self-conscious? No. It means that your clothing tells the truth about the gospel. Your clothing shows the world that Jesus covers your shame and makes you decent. Your clothes cover your nakedness as adequately as the clothing of Christ covers your sin.

Dressing “with eyes downcast” means that you are humble and not defiant towards God. You choose clothes that are decent in His eyes . . . Not clothes that are provocative, seductive, and that honor nakedness. When you dress decently, you recognize that God ordained clothes to cover, and not draw attention to, naked skin. You cover up out of respect for the Him, the gospel, your Christian brothers-and out of respect for who He made you to be. Decency means you agree with the Lord about the true purpose of clothing, and set aside your self-interest to dress in a way that exalts Christ.

So in that dressing room, trying on that skirt, you need to sit, bend, and stretch in front of that mirror, and ask yourself, “Is this skirt decent? Does it do what it should do? Does it properly cover me up?  Does it showcase my underlying nakedness-or exalt the gospel of Christ?”

3.  Is it moderate or excessive? (Greek: sophrosune) = “curbing impulses”

Translated: seemly, sobriety, propriety, good sense, self-control,

discretion, moderation, appropriate, suitable

The final thing you need to ask yourself about the skirt is whether it is moderate or excessive. Paul uses the Greek word sophrosune. It means “of a sound mind, sane, in one’s senses; curbing one’s desires and impulses, self-controlled, temperate.”  The word indicates that our adornment should be reasonable and not crazy. We ought to reign in our impulses and avoid crazy extremes in fashion, hairstyles, and make-up. We also ought to avoid spending crazy amounts of money, or stuffing our closets full of crazy quantities of clothing. We ought to govern our wardrobe choices with a sense of simplicity, moderation and self-control. If the skirt is crazy extreme, crazy expensive, or if it’s crazy for you to be buying another one, then you ought to pass it up. Christian women don’t get extreme, outrageous, or exorbitant, like Sex & the City’s Carrie and her Manalo Blahnik shoes.

What Not to Wear

Understanding the purpose of clothing, and asking yourself the three questions: “Is it becoming?” “Is it decent?” and “Is it moderate?” will help you figure out how to dress. And don’t forget to include your “Helper” in the process. The Holy Spirit is an invaluable source of assistance when it comes to figuring out whether or not your appearance glorifies God. He cares about your clothes. He has a big stake in making sure you adorn your body the right way. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) If your heart is right, and you seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance, He will be your personal wardrobe consultant, and teach you what and what not to wear.

A Girl-Gone-Wise presents herself in different manner than a Girl-Gone-Wild. Her appearance doesn’t scream, “Look at me!” The way she styles her hair and does her make-up enhances her looks, but doesn’t clamor for attention. Her clothing doesn’t invite onlookers to see or imagine her nakedness. She adorns herself in a dignified, God-exalting way. Her appearance is pleasant and attractive. Proverbs 31 points out that the wise woman is “clothed in scarlet,” that “her clothing is fine linen and purple,” and that “strength and dignity are her clothing.” The implication is that everything she wears-both inside and out-is beautiful. She doesn’t dress as a prostitute, but in the way that is “proper for women who profess godliness.” (1 Timothy 2:10)

© Mary A. Kassian

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This is a pre-publication excerpt from “Girls Gone Wise in a World gone Wild,” © Mary A. Kassian to be published by Moody Publishers in 2010. All rights reserved. You are welcome to link to this post, but please do not copy and/or reproduce this copyrighted material without express written permission of Moody Publishing.