Wild vs. Wild Contrast #8: Body Language

Body Language

Her Non-Verbal Behavior

Girl-Gone-Wild: Suggestive
Girl-Gone-Wise: Demure

Girl-Gone-Wild: She captures him with her eyelashes. Proverbs 6:25*  She’s “graceful and of deadly charms.” Nahum 3:4

Girl-Gone-Wise: She does not resort to deceitful charm. Proverbs 31:30*

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She had the LOOK. You know the one I’m talking about. It wasn’t her sparkly halter dress, her snappy sandals, her perfectly sprayed-on tan, her whitened teeth, her false eyelashes, or her big hair. It was THE look. The provocative, over-the-shoulder, chin-tipped, sultry-eyed, flirty, tantalizing one. Her mom was instructing her how to seductively pose, walk with a hand perched on her writhing hips, and act all sexy and playful for the judges.

My daughter-in-law and I gaped in disbelief. The girl was only 5 years old! But what really fascinated me, was what happened next. My husband walked into the room. He came in humming a tune, carrying a massive mug of soda and a plate piled high with munchies, in anticipation of the family movie we were about to watch. When his eye caught the image of the young beauty pageant contestant on TV, he stopped dead in his tracks. A look of fury, as I have rarely seen, darkened his eyes. With teeth clenched, he grimly ordered us, “Turn that garbage off! How DARE they do that to that little girl?!!”

As women, Jacqueline and I were morbidly amused and critical of the mom teaching her five-year-old daughter the non-verbal innuendo that a female does not normally learn until she is much older. But Brent, as a man, processed the body language of this little girl in an entirely different manner. Her non-verbal communication told him, and every other watching male, “Come get me!-I’m available.” That’s why he was overcome with righteous indignation and holy anger. The thought that anyone would teach a five-year-old girl to send such a message was absolutely reprehensible to him. His outrage and protective fatherly instinct was so strong, that I’m sure he would have dropped the snacks and crashed his way through the TV screen onto that stage if he could have, to halt the pageant and administer a severe tongue-lashing to the all the adults in the theater.

The look. The tilt of the head. The flip of the hair. The sway of the hips. The deliberate caress of a curve. The cross of the legs. The leisurely forward lean. The titillating exposure of skin. The brush of the bottom lip. The cat-like stretch. The lingering touch . . . By the time a female reaches adulthood she has learned how to move and position her body in a provocative way. If she so chooses, she can hit the “sexual charm” button and turn it on. When activated, her body sends out alluring non-verbal messages to entice her chosen prey. Women, you KNOW what I’m talking about! I don’t think men have any idea how calculating women are when they employ this strategy. As Jacqueline said, “Every woman knows how to do it. Not every woman chooses to use that artillery. But we all have it. And we all know how to use it. We can turn it off. Or we can turn it on.”

A discussion about a woman’s appearance isn’t complete without a discussion of her body language. The Girl-Gone-Wild uses suggestive body language to attract the attention of men. Her counterpart, the Girl-Gone-Wise, is demure. She does not resort to deceptive charm.

Deadly Charms

Scripture says that a Wild Thing is full of “deadly charms.” (Nahum 3:4) The Hebrew word charm means “to cut up.”  It’s most likely a reference to a sorceress shredding herbs to cook them in a magic brew. In Assyrian and Babylonian culture, charms were magic formulas that women chanted or recited to get a certain desired result. They believed that love-charms, spells, and incantations to the goddess of love were very effective at helping them bewitch the man of their dreams. Often, they wore an ornament, gem, stone, bead, plaque or emblem on a bracelet or chain to symbolize the charm. Sometimes the ornament or stone had an incantation inscribed directly on it. A woman could wear any number of charms. Charm jewelry was very popular and fashionable.

To charm a man is to affect him by magic or as if by magic. Spells, potions and incantations are not necessarily involved. A charm is any method of enchanting and compelling him. The women in Jerusalem were experts at charming men:

“The Lord said: Because the daughters of Zion are haughty and walk with outstretched necks, glancing wantonly with their eyes, mincing along as they go, tinkling with their feet, therefore the Lord will strike with a scab the heads of the daughters of Zion, and the Lord will lay bare their secret parts.

In that day the Lord will take away the finery of the anklets, the headbands, and the crescents; the pendants, the bracelets, and the scarves; the headdresses, the armlets, the sashes, the perfume boxes, and the amulets; the signet rings and nose rings; the festal robes, the mantles, the cloaks, and the handbags; the mirrors, the linen garments, the turbans, and the veils. Instead of perfume there will be rottenness; and instead of a belt, a rope; and instead of well-set hair, baldness; and instead of a rich robe, a skirt of sackcloth; and branding instead of beauty. . . empty, she shall sit on the ground.” (Isaiah 3:16-26)

It’s obvious that the women in Jerusalem wore charm jewelry such as crescents, pendants and amulets. But that wasn’t the only way they tried to charm men. The passage indicates that these women also tried to charm them with their flashy clothing. They were shopaholics. Isaiah’s extensive list indicates that they stuffed their closets full of shoes, handbags, belts, scarves, tops, bottoms, dresses, party dresses, lingerie, sweaters, jackets, coats, bracelets, signet rings, nose rings, anklets, armlets, headdresses, headbands, and hats. These women were also obsessed with primping themselves up- meticulously styled hair, perfume, and cosmetic boxes are a few clues. It appears that these women groomed and dressed with the single, over-riding purpose of charming men.

But those weren’t the only weapons in their arsenal. They also attempted to charm them in the way they carried themselves-with their body language. The passage says they were in the habit of walking with “outstretched necks,” “glancing wantonly with their eyes,”  ”mincing along,” and “tinkling with their feet.” This indicates that they had perfected the feminine art of the LOOK. They swayed their hips. They seductively moved and positioned their bodies. They allured and enticed men like charmers hypnotizing snakes.

The women in Jerusalem may have impressed the guys, but they certainly didn’t impress the Lord. He was dismayed that they had neglected the most important aspect of womanhood-the beauty of a holy heart-and had attempted to seduce men with their deceptive charm. God called them to task, but his daughters didn’t repent. So as predicted, He punished them by having the Assyrians and Babylonians invade and decimate Jerusalem. The women lost everything. “Empty, they sat on the ground.”

It’s self evident why God didn’t like his daughters wearing Babylonywood charm jewelry. This type of jewelry was overtly associated with the Babylon sex goddess, Ishtar and with magic incantations. It’s no surprise He didn’t like those charms. But the jewelry wasn’t the only charm the Lord viewed in a negative light. Something about the way the women in Jerusalem dressed and primped bothered Him. Based on what we learned last chapter, it was undoubtedly that their adornment was unbecoming, indecent, and excessive. However, the charm that topped His list, the one He mentioned first, was their body language-their outstretched necks, wanton looks, wiggling hips and mincing feet. The Lord was highly offended by the provocative way these women moved their bodies and directed their eyes.

Not a Hint

What was God’s issue? What’s wrong with a woman being attractive and alluring? Is He saying that a woman shouldn’t be charming? What’s the problem with flirting and showing off your womanly charms?

The Bible makes a clear distinction between women who are truly “charming” and those who deceptively try to charm. Women who are charming (Hebrew: chen) are gracious, full of favor and elegance. Their selfless goodness makes them attractive from the inside out. Women who deceptively try to charm (Hebrew: kesheph) have an underlying selfish agenda. Their intentions are impure. That’s why Proverbs 31:30 says, “charm is deceitful.” There’s a huge difference between a Girl-Gone-Wise who looks and smiles at a guy to show that she likes him, and a Girl-Gone-Wild who looks and smiles at a guy to try to allure him.

A Wild Thing turns on her seductive charm in order to get a man to turn on to her. The sage father warns his son about a woman like this: “Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes.” (Proverbs 6:25) The father didn’t want his son to be enticed by flirtatious, coy glances. He wanted him to be aware of the danger of women who used body language to seduce men. One ancient commentator suggested that the word translated eyelashes could also be “the nets of the eyes.” A Girl-Gone-Wild uses her eyelashes to “capture” men as in a net.

You might defend your flirtatious behavior by claiming that you don’t intend to seduce a man to have sex-you’re just “playing,” and not really serious. But “suggestive” body language implies or hints at something improper. The Bible’s perspective on the sin of seduction includes more than merely the type of seduction that leads to illicit sex. Seduction is any behavior that leads another person in the wrong direction. It’s any behavior that falsely hints that evil is desirable or exciting. It’s any behavior that entices someone to think about something improper. Even if she’s just playing, the woman who turns on her sexual charm clearly wants men to think that sex with her is a desirable and exciting idea. That’s seduction. That’s sin.

The other day, I heard a talent judge compliment a performer on how enchanting her “naughtiness” was. As if just a little bit of naughtiness is cute and doesn’t matter. Naughtiness might not be an offence on your radar, but it’s a crime on God’s. A woman who gives any man (other than her husband) a “come-and-get-me” look is telling a lie. She is thumbing her nose at God by hinting that illicit sex is desirable and exciting. She is sinning by willfully enticing a man’s thoughts away from the path of virtue. Body language that implies or hints at a wrongful sexual act is just as heinous to God as performing that sexual act. Jesus told men that looking at a woman lustfully was just as sinful as having sex with her. So I’m sure He would tell you that giving the LOOK to the stranger across the room is just as sinful as jumping in bed with him.

Seductive body language may have been one of the sins Paul had in mind when he told the believers in Ephesus, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity . . . because these are improper for God’s holy people.” (Ephesians 5:3 niv) Wow. That certainly takes all the hot air out the theory that a little bit of naughty is okay. According to Paul, not even a hint of sexual immorality or impurity is appropriate among believers. Not even a hint! That means that even the tiniest allusion, suggestion or whiff of sexual “naughtiness” is NOT okay. It means the “I’m just teasing” excuse is not acceptable. “Teasing” doesn’t negate the fact that this type of behavior is sin. The woman who hints at sexual sin is just as guilty as the woman who participates in it. If you give the suggestive “come get me” signal to a guy, it is as though you’d already slept with him.

I wonder if those women in Ephesus with the big hair, low-cut togas and tinkling jewelry were guilty of seductive body language. I wonder if they were stretching out their necks, mincing with their feet, and glancing wantonly with their eyes. I wonder if Paul wrote these instructions because of them. Nowadays, the church routinely addresses the problem of sexual sin in regards to men looking at porn and lusting after women, but it rarely addresses the problem of women inviting men to lust. Let me say this loud and clear to all you women: Suggestive dress and suggestive body language is sin. There’s no getting around it. The woman who sends the invitation to look is just as guilty as the man who accepts it.

© Mary A. Kassian

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This is a pre-publication excerpt from “Girls Gone Wise in a World gone Wild,” © Mary A. Kassian to be published by Moody Publishers in 2010. All rights reserved. You are welcome to link to this post, but please do not copy and/or reproduce this copyrighted material without express written permission of Moody Publishing.

Tags: body language, charm, Isaiah 3:16-26, seduction

Category: Blog, Sexual Conduct