Book Blog 13: Clingy Girlfriend Syndrome
My son and his friends have an acronym for guys who are being smothered by needy girlfriends. It’s “CGS,” which stands for “Clingy Girlfriend Syndrome.” Some girls are so needy for attention and affirmation that they cling to men like plastic wrap to a piece of raw meat. But women who try to quench their neediness through relationships with men are usually left feeling parched and dry. In this Girls Gone Wise Video Book Blog, you’ll find out that there’s a far more reliable way to satisfy your heart’s deepest thirst.
- Read the thirteenth point of contrast between a Wild and a Wise Thing (Pages 181-189)
- Download and complete the Chapter Questions for Personal Reflection
- Post your comments on the Blog
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- Describe some symptoms of CGS (clingy girlfriend syndrome) that you’ve observed in friends or family.
- What do you think a needy woman is looking to get from a man?
- Why do some women feel a sense of neediness more acutely than others?
- Why will no earthly relationship ever completely quench a woman’s thirst?
- What practical advice would you give to a woman to help her rely less on man and more on the Lord?
Category: Blog, Dating, Video Book Blog
1. I used to be one of those “clingy” girlfriends. UGH! yuck, for sure. But girls don’t even have to be “girlfriends” per se to a guy, yet they cling to them anyway, hoping to get the guy(s). Sad.
2. Women are looking for acceptance in outside beauty for a lack of inside beauty. It’s such a hard lesson to learn, that beauty comes from within. I think needy gals look to get, sadly, any kind of “affirming” attention from a guy. In general, I think most women just want to be rescued by a perfect knight in shining armor, right?
3. For so many reasons, does is a woman ‘driven’ to fulfill this ‘needy’ desire.
4. We were created for one purpose, with a need to love and be loved, to worship the Lord Almighty. All else is secondary. Until our hearts are open to ‘see’ Him, we cannot know true & perfect love.
5. Be in the Word. Live and die by it. Look NOT to your own selfish gain, but for the glory and honor of Him who created you to do all things. It’s always so much easier to say than do, but then why would we want the Lord if we could do it all on our own.
blessings…
Mimi
When I first read the title of the blog, I thought it had to do with girls being clingy with other girls. I notice that girls are much more attached to each other than in my generation. I will be 52 in a couple of months. I also work with girls in a youth facility and they are extremely clingy with each other and a lot of them are involved in lesbian relationships. I think that a lot of girls are not getting their emotional needs met from their parents but most of all, they are not looking to the Lord.
After raising sons, it amazes me how girls usually go from one guy to another even after they say they that “this one” is the one. I would like to see moms tell their daughters that a boyfriend doesn’t define them, and that they are wasting so much time and energy on someone who won’t probably exist after a few months.
I agree with Alveria, we as parents have to show our children the attention and affection they need and stop taking them to everything they “think” they need.
I have seen my brother deal with clingy girls before. One young lady would even drive by the house to see if his car was home. In the end, I think you have to be grounded in your faith and have a life. I am not preaching independence, but I mean a well balanced life: faith, family, friends, work or school, hobbies etc. If you find yourself being clingy you should try to find out the root of the problem. Sometimes being clingy is a cover-up for jealousy and trust issues.
Page 182 says “Some women are so needy for attention and affirmation that they cling to men like plastic wrap to a piece of raw meat.”
“She relies on them for her sense of self-worth. She is needy and dependent.”
Page 185 says “Her heart feels lonely and needy.”
I know married women that “cling” to men in the ministry like a plastic wrap to a piece of raw meat! It’s not healthy for either the man nor the woman, yet they continue their relationship out of neediness and attention. It really weakens the ministry.
Consider this: young women in by-gone eras were sometimes clingy to keep from being abandoned. Today a gal will cling to control. The willingness to be controlled is a passive trait in a young man.
Role reversals are beginning earlier and earlier.
Barb Gardner
Another great post. One thing that I have personally experienced in my own walk with the Lord is going to a pastor or a male friend who is in seminary for answers to my questions or even my best girlfriend who happens to be my discipleship partner instead of seeking the Lord and His wisdom first or even better still, my own husband. By my doing this, I am communicating that my husband is not sufficient to wash me in the Word. And even if he might not be the best, I am not affirming him as my leader, which our men so desperately need. Someone once said, “Do you go first to the phone, or do you go to the throne?” That was life-changing for me. Clinginess is not just for empty teenagers longing for love in all the wrong places, but it still haunts even grown, Christian women.
Isn’t it a shame that in our culture, a woman finds her value in how much she is desired. The result is women clinging to men to have this need for value met. I have taught all my girls, and I have four of them, that they are valued by the greatest man in the universe!! Jesus Christ. He loves them. He desires them, He adores them. Their know their value comes from the Lord, and their relationship with their dad, not from other men they vaguely know. An authentic relationship iwith God s key to understanding this truth. We are wasting our time and energy if we’re looking to have the well of value filled with anyone other than God. Rest in that, dear friends.
Very well put Sharon. I agree with you. We must FIRST seek our husbands and then if we still need guidance we should seek further help. Too many women today turn to other men for their spirtual guidance when they should be turning to their husbands. Also, this brings about the “clinginess” that is mentioned in this post. If we are clinging to anyone other than our husbands, something is bad wrong and needs to be changed.
While I think we can all agree that finding self-worth in Jesus is the best and only real worth there is. But for those young girls, who are being raised in families in which that is not the focus, I believe that getting young girls engaged in sports is a great way to instill self-worth and confidence in a young girl. I speak from experience.
Growing up as a little girl, I was very active and athletic. My home had a “religion” but not a “relationship” with Christ. I am so thankful that my activities in sports instilled in me self-worth and confidence that I did not seek in boys (or feel the need to). And then there was my sister, who was not athletic at all, nor interested in it, and went from boyfriend to boyfriend, lived with her first husband first, and later had three marriages and lacked esteem. She was only two years older and how we lived our teenage years and young adult years were vastly different and I attribute our differences to our sense of self-worth.
Of course, Jesus and His way is best, but when that isn’t being taught, then having a little girl feeling the strength and confidence in team sports with other girls can develop a sense of confidence and worth when she hears team mates and her coach cheering her on and patting her back and giving her “high-fives.” When I married, I was a virgin and when I dated, I could go months between dates and be perfectly happy with myself when no guy was giving me attention. We all go through periods of wanting attention during our teen years, of course. That is normal. But when the neediness and clingliness sets in, then something is empty and wrong.
Just a thought. Of course, it is all about balance. But sports can be healthy if done with balance.
Thanks for letting me share,
Elizabeth
Elizabeth,
I’m so glad to hear that you found your sense of self worth and confidence through sport. I’m happy to hear that God led you there and that sports were a terrific experience for you. I agree that it is important for young women to have some activity or commitment in their lives that allow them to experience the friendship of others and the sense of self worth that comes with having goals and accomplishments outside of having a hot popular boyfriend.
I found mine in involvement in a community service organization. While the other girls around me were doing their hair and sleeping with their boyfriends, I was quite content working with young children and helping to organizing events in my community. It did not matter to me that I did not look like a movie star, or that I wasn’t being showered with male attention because I had done things that had impact and that made it clear to me that I had value outside of what the boys thought about me. I too, dated very little and rarely until I met my husband.
I wanted to share this as an addendum to your story because we live in a culture that likes to find a single solution to a problem, in this case: “you can prevent your girls from becoming clingy girlfriends through sports.” I was not particularly athletic as a child and sports were a miserable experience for me. As a contrast to your story of an encouraging coach and supportive teammates, my teammates picked on my every fault and did their best to beat me down emotionally… and my coach let them. I am regularly told how wonderful sports are, that they build character and spirit, and I wonder if those people who make these declarations ever saw a team like mine.
While sports can be a terrific source of confidence, sometimes they are not. I have nothing against parents encouraging their daughters to take part in sports for all of the reasons you mention, but I just wanted to note that sports are not the only source for the strength and sense of self worth God has helped us gain in our lives.
So, if parents notice that sports do not seem to be a good fit for their daughters, for whatever reason, rest assured that there are other ways their daughters can learn of their own value in the eyes of God. Encourage them to try other activities.
Dear Mary and sisters in Christ,
What I loved about this chapter most was its emphasis on thirsting after God, and developing our relationship with Him as the only and Supreme Satisfier of our deepest needs. Again, I knew the Lord was speaking to me, as our pastor had just been mentioning on Sunday about seeking God with zeal, about not being satisfied with this life, but seeking Christ’s likeness and righteousness. I loved Mary’s references to Jer. 17:7-8 and Ps. 42:1, and it made me think also of John 7:37-38 (where I was in my Bible reading), Is. 55:1ff, and Is. 35! The Lord is surely our fountain of living waters and the One and only one who can “quench this thirsting of my soul…” the bread of heaven” who can “feed me ’til I want no more”… (anyone know that song? “Here’s my cup, Lord..”). So I was excited with a renewed sense of thirsting and hungering after the Lord, as I read this chapter.
* I have seen “CGS” over the years in friends and loved ones. An unhealthy and sometimes morbid desire for attention; a selfishness that disregards the needs and desires of others; a self-centeredness that thinks only of one’s own world, sometimes accompanied by the controlling of others. I think the more we become like Christ, the more this tendency will/must go from our lives, as our Lord was so opposite of all this when He walked on earth — He walked in love, He was others-centered, and centered upon doing His Father’s will.
* I think a needy woman is looking to get security from a man; a sense of self-worth; love; attention; comfort.
* Perhaps some women feel a sense of neediness more than others because they have not had a strong love/support from their father, or from male figures in their lives, or even perhaps from anyone. Perhaps they lack the nurturing that all human beings need, and have developed other methods to try to get it.
* No earthly relationship will ever completely quench a woman’s thirst because only God can satisfy our deepest needs. He is the fountain of living waters. (Rev. 22:1, 17 just popped into my mind!) His waters never fail, and are free for the taking, when we commit our lives to Him. (Is. 55:1-6)
* My advice to myself and any woman would be that we need to develop and cultivate our relationship with the Lord, through daily prayer and meditation on His Word, and then an open heart to do the things we are learning. If you don’t have that thirst, ask Him for it — cry out to Him for it — if you are saved, something may be hindering you, and He can show you that; if you never have any thirst at all, you probably need to be saved (and all who are not saved need to be saved!!). Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s daily radio program — Revive Our Hearts (can also be accessed through the internet) is a tremendous resource to point you to Christ.
Loving blessings to all my sisters in Christ, and thank you again to Mary for pouring yourself out for us women, and the burden you have to see women become women of God.
P.S. I loved the quotes from Martin Luther (p. 183) and C.S. Lewis (p. 188). How apropos!
In His love,
It seems like this is a process thing…learning that all we ever need is in a relationship with the Lord. Time is our teacher. Disappointments and hurts can point us to the only One who can truly satisfy. Obviously the sooner we learn this the better off we will be, but I think it takes longer for some more than others based on their childhood and teen years’ experiences.
I love how God speaks to us through His Word. Jeremiah 17:5-8 is good stuff!
Thank you, Mary, for reminding all of us how to look for love the wise way.