The Playground of Your Mind
by Katie McCoy
If you’ve ever had an imaginary boyfriend, a romantic fantasy with a celebrity or a mental vacation from your husband, you have struggled in your thought-life. When it comes to inner purity, our thought-lives could be compared to a playground. One moment we climb the ladder toward victory and the next we’re nudged over the edge and can’t stop the downward spiral until we’ve fallen back where we started. The more confident we feel on the swing, the higher and higher we want to escape from keeping our feet on the ground. The faster we spin the merry-go-round, the more distorted reality becomes.
While the struggle with lust takes a different form for women, it is far from being a male-only issue. In the book, Sex is Not The Problem (Lust Is), Joshua Harris explains that “when a woman sees a seductive ad featuring a man, she might be tempted to fantasize about him, but odds are that this temptation will be rooted in a fantasy about a relationship with him, with physical pleasure being a subset of her craving for passionate affection and emotional intimacy.” (86) The same way that visual pornography is a distortion of God’s good design for male sexuality, fantasizing is a distortion of God’s good design for female sexuality.
Sexual desire itself is God-given and good. The difference between walking in purity and being dragged by your unfulfilled longings is not whether you have these desires, but what you do with them. “It’s not lust to have a strong desire for sex. A sexual thought that pops into your mind isn’t necessarily lust, but it can quickly become lust if it’s entertained and dwelled on,” (Harris). To lust is to stir up and dwell on a desire that cannot be righteously fulfilled. As John Piper defines it, “Lust is a sexual desire that dishonors its object and disregards God.
1 Peter 2:11 tells us to “abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul.” Jesus said that when we have lust, we commit adultery in our hearts. (Matt. 5:28) And Paul describes those who live in the passion of lust as those who don’t know God (1 Thess. 4:5). The secret sin of lust has dire spiritual consequences. Harris rightly observes that there are few discouragements to a Christian’s walk with God like failing in the fight for purity. Like a futile attempt at satisfying hunger with cheap candy, you’re left with a rotting emptiness that deadens your appetite for holiness.
Romans 6:11-13 says, “So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness.” When we choose to dwell on a lustful thought, we take what God created for good and present it to sin. We spiritually commandeer what God made for His glory and use it as a tool for unrighteousness. Romans 6 goes on to ask a sobering question: “But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death.” What can lust ever bring you but discontent, shame and a cyclical desire for more of what leaves you feeling empty? That’s not fulfillment. That’s enslavement. But if you have been crucified with Christ, you are no longer a slave to sin but a slave of your merciful, soul-satisfying God, whose will for you is the wholeness of His sanctification (Rom. 6:21-22, 1 Thess. 4:4). God intended for you to find complete fulfillment, joy and acceptance in His love.
At the core of the issue of habitual lust is probably a deeper issue of the heart. May I lovingly suggest to you that, for women, the problem with our thoughts is often a problem with our God? Now we all struggle to submit our desires under the authority of Christ. But if retreating to a fantasy world is where you go when you’re tired, fed up and frustrated or feeling alone and unloved, what you are saying to your Creator – whether or not you consciously think this –is that He has somehow disappointed you. Your life was not ordered as you would have preferred it. You know He could have brought fulfillment in this area. But since He hasn’t you attempt to fulfill it your own way because you believe you’re entitled to more than He’s given. You’re not only unsatisfied, you’re passively angry with your Creator. If your thought-life is consistently your battlefields, harnessing sexual desire may only be treating a symptom of the cause. The battle for our minds is as old as the Garden of Eden, where we, like Eve, believe that God is holding something back from us (Gen. 3:5). For true victory, and authentic obedience, we must repent of being angry with our Lord, acknowledge His authority over every part of our lives and rest in the knowledge that He is good to us (Psalm 119:68) and that He is for us (Psalm 56:9).
Along with that, there are some habits we can cultivate in our daily lives that help us walk in obedience to God and victory in our thought-lives. These suggestions are from a list by John Piper in an article entitled, “Strategies for Fighting Sexual Sin.”
- Believe that God is for you. (Psalm 84:11)
- Recognize that God’s laws are intended to protect something precious not deny something pleasant. (1 Thess. 4:3)
- Store up good things to think on. (Phil. 4:8)
- Meditate on the truth that Christ suffered agony for your purity. Fight image with image. (Titus 2:14, 1 Cor. 5:15)
- Realize that lust disables and weakens our capacity for higher spiritual joys with God. (1 Peter 2:11, Mark 4:19)
To simply stop the sin is an incomplete solution – we have to replace and fill our minds with a Greater Thought, a Better Meditation. We must turn from one source of contemplating, to completing the Person, the work and the character of Christ. When we focus on who Jesus is and truly savor our Savior, the lure of lust will be starved out. Then, we have to preach to ourselves: “How can you stay here when you are dead to sin and alive to Christ?” (Rom. 6:2, 11) “What will this temptation ever bring me but more shame?” (Rom. 6:21) “I was set free to be free and by God’s Spirit will not be enslaved again,” (Gal. 5:1).
Other practical ways we can avoid lust is to be aware of those things that are triggers. For some women, specific times of the day are more of a temptation than others. Meditating on Scripture as you fall asleep will set your mind on what is pure and true. For others, certain music or chic-flicks frequently cause them to stumble. If it’s constantly pulling you down, try a 30-day fast from the radio and movies. It sounds extreme but if you eliminate the distractions for a season you’re more likely to be in tune with the Spirit on what media can later be re-introduced without sending you on a downward spiral. And for many women it’s the romance novels. Maybe it’s time to put the Fabio-fable down and see what affect it has on your walk with God. Lastly, 2 Tim. 2:22 says that along with fleeing lust, we are to “pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” Are the people in your life a help or hindrance to purity? Are you surrounded by people that influence you to desire (physically or emotionally) things that God, in His sovereignty, has not given or do you have friends that stir you to love and good works (Heb. 10:24)? Pursue righteousness along with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart.
You’re not alone in the struggle for inner purity. Your High Priest sympathizes with your weaknesses and just like you, was tempted in every way, but was without sin. This same Priest was the payment for every failure, every thought. Your Advocate is interceding on your behalf right now (1 John 2:1, Rom. 8:34) and He “is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy,” (Jude 24).
Therefore, sisters in Christ, because of God’s mercy “present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.” (Romans 12:1) May the Lord Jesus reign over the playground of our minds.
© Katie McCoy
www.unlockingfemininity.com
Category: Blog, Sexual Conduct
Bless God! Such honesty is refreshing. Many in Christendom simply don’t know how to address these issues as they relate to women. Sin does not discriminate and so lust is not just a mens issue. We are all flesh and blood creatures, frail and drawn to sin because of these sinful natures. Bless God for the Gospel of Jesus Christ!
Wonderful post!
Thank you so much for this post! It is not only what I needed to read as a reminder but also gave me some more victorious scriptures that give me even more strength in changing my whole life for His glory! I can’t do it alone, but only in His strength.
Thank you!
Awesome article!!! GREAT practical and full of the truth advise! Thanks for this I will share it and use in teaching other women.
I found this article through CBMW.org. Even though I’m a guy I still struggle with this a lot. It’s good too see I’m not alone whether man or woman.