Book Blog 15: You Deserve a Break Today
The underlying message of most ad campaigns is, “Indulge. You deserve it!” The Wild Thing would agree. She feels entitled to indulge in all sorts of pleasures… visits to the spa, beauty treatments, splurging on the sexy red dress and that pricey, exotic fragrance. And if she decides to indulge in a night of forbidden romance and pleasure, who’s to say she’s shouldn’t? It’s not anybody’s business but her own! In this Girls Gone Wise video book blog, you’ll learn that a woman who willingly forfeits gratification can be infinitely happier than the one who insists on her right to indulge.
- Read the fifteenth point of contrast between a Wild and a Wise Thing (Pages 199-206)
- Download and complete the Chapter Questions for Personal Reflection
- Post your comments on the Blog
- What are some things our culture tells us we deserve?
- How does keeping our eyes on a positive future reward help us forfeit immediate gratification?
- Explain what you think Paul meant when He said, “She who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives.” ( 1 Timothy 5:6)
- Is there anything that the Lord is asking you to forfeit for the sake of the greater reward?
© Mary A. Kassian
Category: Blog, Video Book Blog
Probably the message I hear the most that culture tells us we deserve is “You deserve to be happy.”
The Lord has asked me to forfeit things in the past–certain foods and a friendship I had with a man not my husband. Right now I am to forfeit trying to have control of my husband and children. I am learning that my role is to pray and support my husband in whatever decisions he makes concerning our children. It’s not that he doesn’t value my insight but I have not really let him lead like he should. I feel deeply convicted of my past ways of trying to control life in our home. Our two older boys have suffered because of it.
Paul taught that marriage replicates the relationship between Christ and the Church, where Christ is the Bridegroom and the Church the Bride. Bridegrooms are called to love and care for their bride with selfless commitment. “Husbands love your wives,” Paul wrote, “as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:21).
The evil one relentlessly seeks to corrupt the love of Christ. Marriage and family, because of the complexity and immediacy of the social relationship, is a fertile field for such corruption. Feelings of Entitlement is another ploy.
How many women feel “entitled” to being more than a submissive wife to their husbands or feel “entilted” to being more than a stay at home mom? How many women feel “entitled” to being a leader in the ministry rather than a follower? How many women feel “entitled” to be trusted with other men without the presence of their husbands?
Entitlement is satan’s way of getting us to cross a line into destruction. It’s a way to get us to feel that we “deserve” more. Once he gets us convinced that we, as women, are entitled to more, he has us in his grip. Then, he starts to work on our family.
I’ve seen many marriages fail because women feeling “entitled” to being more than God created us to be; always thinking “there’s no harm in what I’m doing” or ” its nobody’s business what I do” or ” so what if it looks wrong, I’m entilted to my happiness.” Satan has a hand in it all. Until we realize that satan is a master at using God’s ministries to cause us to fall into his trap, we will continue to lose the battle.
Praying for the women that feel “entitled” to being more than God created us to be. Praying for women to realize that satan will make opportunities look like a deserving “entitlements” to get us to take that first step into sin. Successful women of the bible honored and worshipped with their husbands, and didnt feel they were “entitled” to praise, compliments or self-gratification from others.
Hello Jamie,
I have felt entitled to so much from my husband i.e. love, respect, honor, financial support, stability, commitment. I have spent timeless hours trying to make him understand, trying to make him do these things, trying to fight for what I am entitled too.
I have been unsucessful in my fight. So much so that my husband and I are currently going through a divorce. I have spent the last several years of my life filled with resentment, bitterness, hate, hurt, and anger toward him.
How can a man that loves me hurt me so much? How can the father of my children not provide for them? How can I become his enemy? How can the covenant that Christ created become so tainted, so wicked? How can something intended for the glory of God become sinful? Where did we go wrong? What Good can God bring out of this? I can not tell you how many times I have asked these question, how my heart has ached. Am I not entitled to happiness?
Hi what a post, I never knew this, by asking this question am I not entitled to. Thanks for your post, now I know just to be content into being a submissive wife and a mother. God bless you, He is using you very mightily.God bless you Jamie.
Brenda,
I thank the lord for having me submit the above post. To feel the hurt is so different then to write it step ouside of myself and read it. I have held on to my hurt for so long that I was not aware of how it was effecting me. I have been a bitter Christian but, the Lord loves me enough to show me my heart. I have not forgiven my husband or myself. I sent this post for clarity from yet another man and I have recieved devine revelation. My happiness is in the Lord!!! My trust, respect, honor, financial support, stability, and commitment is from the lord. I love the Lord with all my heart and all my soul and I surrender my will unto to him. Lord thank you for using this blog and thank you to all those that let the Lord use them to encourage others.
Hi Woman in Turmoil, the hurt and bitterness u are feeling, i have been there as well , until i have learned that God does not want his children to feel this way. He says in his word that we must not lean unto our own understanding but in all our ways to acknoledge Him. Also he wants to carry ur hurts and ur bitterness why not give it to God who cares so much about u. God bless u my sister and take care.
Woman in Turmoil, your happiness and contentment will come from God, not from man. It is VERY hard letting go of hurt; I say this from personal experience. I am currently trying to forgive and get rid of hurt myself and its been over a year. I pray EVERY day for God to help me forgive, move on, and heal the hurt. I know in HIS time he will do this, but until then, I am to pray without ceasing. Keep praying, God knows your heart.
I was not being spiritually fed by my husband so I turned to a christian male friend of mine to fulfill my need. I felt like I was “entitled” to be able to speak to anyone I felt trustworthy about my personal, spiritual life. I became very close to this male friend and got accused by many as having an affair with this man. Since I knew this was not the case, I was not concerned with what others thought. I thought I was “entitled” to be able to spend my time with whomever I chose, as long as my husband did not have a problem with it.
I continued on with my relationship (“entitlement” )for over a year before I realized I was not in God’s will. My husband was the one I should have turned to for spiritual guidance; not a friend.
Women, please dont fool yourself.
Hi jp next time if u in the same situation again, just know that the word of God says, that we need to look unto Jesus who is the author and the finisher of our faith. Go to God and not unto another human being.God is our source for spiritual feeds.
JP – the bible very clearly states that we are to “avoid all appearance of evil.” By being accused of having an affair with this man, obviously it appeared that way to others. Even though there is a fine line between worrying about what others think if we are in God’s will and being on our toes as to not project an appearance of evil, we must guard ourselves against being a negative influence to others. IF it doesnt look right to the public, then chances are good something is not biblically right with the image you are projecting.
Dear Woman in Turmoil,
For comfort we go to our Lord first, I’m sure this understanding is what brings forward the most outstanding, blindingly joyful blessings we will ever receive. Out of love for our Lord we honor husbands that are much less than our expectations. To help us ‘bear up’ under pressures we lean into fellowship as helpers and ‘the helped’. I lean heavily on my sisters BUT how I became more healthy was when I recognized if my focus was on me, I was unwell in my mind. I believe the word also directs us in this manner. I did not read today’s post by Mary but I am sure she gave some helpful scriptures. Last evening I was reading a book called “Because He Loves Me” by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick and a scripture that she mentioned as she wrote gave me a delight in my heart which I’m sure I will hold on to for months (probably even years) to come. Our Lord prayed for us (and that includes you!!!)! And in this recorded prayer He reminds us we are sanctified by reading the word. Please dear sister, dig deeply into the word for comfort. Our Councilor, our Darling Prince of Peace, speaks to us personally there. Pray to Him that He will help you with His comfort and counsel, as you seek in a renewed and dedicated way in His word. The scripture I refer to is:
“I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from evil. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them through, thy truth, thy word is truth.” John 17:15-17
My dear sister in Christ, it was not until I realized that my marriage wasn’t some game of when he does this, with me, then I will do these things for him. But a glorious opportunity from God to practice a bit of selflessness. I begged Him daily to ‘create in me a clean heart’. I surrounded myself with 5 deeply meaningful habits: Prayer, Reading of the word, Fellowship (even when it felt wrong or made me cry during services), SONG (praising him in song was at times my strong hold), and Memorization of scripture. Without one of these in place I personally felt like I was loosing a vital organ. I did this out of love for my Savior and a realization that my health depended on Him. For some reason, I came to a point where I recognized that without Him significantly recognized in my day to day life, I felt pointless and hopeless.
I sat down last night to read a book by a woman but felt awakened by my Saviors words! I AM NOT OF THIS WORLD. So, why would I look to this worlds ways and advices to heal? Phil 4:6-9 is some of the best advice to cling to through adversity (I’m sure you’re aware of this but maybe read it over and over and see how it changes your perspective on nearly everything). Listening to ministries such as ‘revive our hearts’, James MacDonald’s ‘walk in the word’ (also his weekly sermons found on iTunes) or simply seeking out sermons from the website ‘oneplace.com’ will also sprinkle more hope into your hours.
Our Lord can make the dead rise again, we KNOW this, he can take a dead marriage and heal it. He can heal our hurt hearts, we must go to Him for healing though, through His word, miracles CAN and will happen to our hearts and minds.
May the grace of our Lord and the peace of His word help you to sense the ‘peace that passes ALL understanding’.
God bless and keep you Sister, may your hope be renewed each morning.
Psalm 59:16-17
Dear Woman In Turmoil,
You are at a critical point of decision, dear friend. Divorce is not God’s best for you. Marriage was designed by God to reflect His love for His people. Divorce violates that picture of God’s love. God longs to bring healing and restoration in your marriage. Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me (Jer. 32:27)?
If you are a Christ-follower God’s desire is that you become conformed to the image of Jesus – that your thoughts, actions, responses would reflect those of Christ. God’s primary concern for His children is their holiness not their happiness. True joy comes only as we walk in right relationship with Jesus and with others (Rom. 8:30). God often uses the trials and difficulties in our lives to conform us into the image of Jesus.
God wants to do a mighty work in your life and in your marriage, dear friend!
Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and He will lift you up ( James 4:10).
Praying for you and your husband tonight.
My name is Sharon,
I am a single mother of 4 boys. I just watched your videobook. I have struggled with many self indulgent things because I felt sorry for myself and I felt I deserved it because of the situations that happened in my life.
I was so convicted watching the video book and even sometimes when I engage in self indulgence I know I shouldn’t. How do I break this stronghold I have allowed to take over in my life?
This was a beautiful chapter. For me, this is the heart of Christianity — Luke 9:23 — to deny myself, take up my cross daily, and follow Christ. This is a mainstay in my thinking, and is becoming more and more of a reality in my life. I loved the early chapters (in Mary’s book) about loving the Lord with all our hearts. His love to me enables me, by His grace, to take up my cross daily, and to follow Him, even when the road is difficult. Thank you for this chapter, Mary; I believe it is of utmost importance.
* The culture tells us we deserve happiness, self-fulfillment, to be loved/understood, success, to express ourselves, to indulge ourselves, to satisfy ourselves, to have a break, to be angry if we are wronged, an education, etc. etc. I do believe the Lord will provide us with all things that pertain to life and godliness, but that is because of His love and goodness, not because we deserve them! (And some things on the world’s list are not godly!)
* Regarding keeping our eyes on a positive future, Jer. 29:11 comes right to mind. The Lord’s plans for our future are only good, ultimately. He has a good plan and is working it out, even if it takes some suffering along the way, which scripture says it will: Ac. 14:22, Phil. 1:29, 2 Tim. 2:12.
“It’ll be worth it all, Just to see my Savior face to face, To see the One who saved me by His grace” (song). When we get a taste for what the Kingdom of Heaven will really be like, we know it’ll be worth it all. 2 Tim. 2 also comes to mind with this principle: a soldier, an athlete, a farmer — all these know that the discipline and suffering involved will be worth it all, to see the end result; that self-indulgence must go. I love the scripture you quoted in the book, Mary, along these lines — Romans 8:18: “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” You mentioned also Christ as the Pearl of Great Price –Amen! And the testimony of Augustine and how he gave up his lust for the Lord’s love and immeasurably fulfilling sweetness… Amen! CHRIST IS WORTH IT ALL!
* p. 203 “… her sensual, self-gratifying behavior would only lead to disaster and ruin.” The self-indulgent woman “is dead even while she lives” in the sense that her behavior is putting her on the wrong path, which may ultimately lead to her demise. The life that is in Christ requires us to
deny ourselves, and follow Him. Therein we will find life, and life abundantly (John 10, and many places “life” is spoken of in the Gospel of John, including chs. 5, 11, 14, and in the 1st Epistle ofJohn!). When we are in Christ, we will be living for Him, and will have His life in us. And
suffering for Him — for righteousness’ sake — will lead to a crown of life (James 1:12, Rev. 2:10, see also 1 Pet. 4:12-14, 19). It’s a win-win proposition in Christ — even if we suffer with Him, we shall also reign with Him!!
* I believe the Lord has asked me, now several times throughout my walk with Him of many years, to forfeit certain human relationships, for the sake of the Kingdom. This has been very difficult and sometimes required heart-suffering. However I know that as I do things His way, He will reward me, and will restore appropriate relationships, whether here, or in Heaven. On a lesser level, the Lord asks me to deny myself participation in certain activities — which in themselves may be fine — but the venue is not godly.This is hard, sometimes, as I think the activities would be otherwise be beneficial. I believe He can open doors where there can be an acceptable time/place to participate in such activities, but in the meantime, He wants me to be content with such things as I have, and seek to glorify Him in all else I do — there’s always enough to keep busy in a good thing!