Book Blog 18: The Company You Keep
Have you ever seen someone go wrong because he or she hung out with the wrong friend? That’s what happened to the young man in the Proverbs 7 story. The Wild Thing exerted a negative influence on him. When he hung out with her, his standards went right out the window. The Bible says that bad company ruins good morals. Do you and your friends influence each other negatively or positively? In this Girls Gone Wise book blog, you’ll learn about the power of influence and the wisdom of that old saying, “You’re known by the company you keep.”
- Read the eighteenth point of contrast between a Wild and a Wise Thing (Pages 227-235)
- Download and complete the Chapter Questions for Personal Reflection
- Post your comments on the Blog
- How can you tell when someone is exerting a negative influence? What are some symptoms?
- What are some common rationalizations that women use to justify keeping the wrong company?
- Describe a time when someone had a positive influence on you. What was it about him/her that impacted you positively?
- What is the best way to exert a positive influence on others?
- What do you need to do to be more wise and less wild when it comes to the influence you accept and exert in your life?
© Mary A. Kassian
Category: Blog, Relationship Do's and Don'ts, Video Book Blog
Thank you for this! My story is a little different and to this day still
hurts me deeply. I had a very close girlfriend for years and years. Over the
years, I noticed she became a little more controlling and very vocal
(negatively) about everything and anything. I wasn’t very close to God at
the time, but a Christian and she proclaimed to be, but not practicing.
She began to drink more (now we are in our early 40′s both single) and she
went out a lot, partied, and we traveled and did a lot of things together. I
noticed in the last year or two of our friendship that she said and did
things that I wasn’t really comfortable with.
I then one day meet a wonderful man who is a Christian. He isn’t an “in your
face” Christian, but he did bring me much closer to Christ and helped me
find a new love for Him and want to grow closer. I was quiet about my love
for Christ at first, but I am sure I was changing in other ways. (Good
ways.) My girlfriend decided very vocally that she didn’t like my new
boyfriend and that I could do better. I loved my girlfriend with all my
heart and my boyfriend never said anything negative about her and even
welcomed into his home. I was torn, but in my heart, I knew that this man
was true in his heart, and God had placed him on my path.
Right after I got engaged to this wonderful man, my friend stopped speaking
to me and never even saw my ring. I mean, she completely cut me out of her
life as if I have never lived. I had never had anyone treat me this way. I
lost a whole group of friends that I knew through her and the pain was so
confusing and very hurtful. She wouldn’t email me back or return my calls.
We never once had a fight or a disagreement. She just decided that one day
that I no longer was a part of her life. I still hurt when I think about
that and that was almost three years ago. I have never seen or heard from
her again and she lives only 2 miles away.
I am married now, and my husband likes to tell me that sometimes God will do
for us what we can’t do for ourselves. He said that maybe God knew in His
wisdom that my heart and love for this friend was strong, that her influence
would have kept me from fully growing closer to other women in the church.
Now that time has passed, and I can see more clearly, I know he is right. I
would have hung on to the parts of my friend that I loved so much, and I
would have tried to justify and excuse the parts of her that was becoming
ugly over the years.
It was a very painful experience but has taught me that my walk with Christ
isn’t always easy, but as I learn to reach out more with new friends (which
is so hard at my age) I find more women to look up to learn from. I find
myself wanting to be more like a lot of these women and never find myself
excusing their behavior. They aren’t perfect (thankfully!) but they are good
examples of what it looks like to have fun, be joyous, and be goofy, and
still have a love and respect for Christ. I have never regretted my growth
and love for getting to know Christ and it is my husband who introduced me
to Him.
Just wanted to share that sometimes, it takes recognizing that it may be
someone in our own lives that is NOT a good influence like we once thought.
And like my husband says, sometimes God will do for us what we can’t do for
ourselves, even if confusing and painful.
Thank you for sharing and helping us to think and learn,
Mary, Thank you for this post on influence. I think this is a subject that many Christians (myself included) need to think more about in two main areas. One being the negative influence we may be projecting on others by simply not being aware or in-tune with the power of the example we are setting and Two, the negative influence that we may be allowing in our lives that we arent mentally alert to.
The closer personally and physically others are to us, the greater our influence over them, and vice versa. Our attempts to influence others doesnt require our conscious intent. We’re always exerting influence simply by being who we are, saying what we say, and doing what we do. The only real choice we have in the matter is whether or not the influence we exert is good or bad. You never know who is watching you; and someone always is, whether its your children, your spouse, your friend, your neighbors, a stranger on the street, a parent from another ball team, etc.
We are called to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world (Matt. 5:13, 14), exercising positive influence by our lives on others.
Often we may want to exercise good influence on people and our intentions are noble, but the outcome intended could not be achieved because of our human ways and desires. Therefore, there needs to be sufficient quality in our spiritual life and in our life in general because we exercise positive influence on others not just through the words we speak, but also through
the life and power that come forth.
We are influencing others by our lives all the time and God will hold us accountable for the influence of our lives on others. It is important that we learn to exert good influence not just by
the words that proceed from our mouths but what comes forth from within our hearts and the quality and whole direction of our lives.
“Judge not, lest ye not be judged” (Matthew 7:1) is often cited to support the position that it is wrong to judge the conduct of others. The very concept of ethics involves the development of customs and practices that evoke approval from one’s group and those in it, and there cannot be any approval without judgement. Judging the actions of others and communicating that judgement is the way ethical standards are established and maintained. To use the Biblical text in this manner is to make ethical standards all but impossible. Ethics involves the judgement of behavior, which is everyone’s duty in a society. Judging the whole of a person, however, as wicked, or immoral, or good, is beyond the ability of human beings.
With this said, if any of us are involved in any type of relationship with another person (whether that person proclaims to be a christian or not) and we have the potential of being a negative influence on others by ignoring parts of scripture such as “avoid all apearance of evil” then its time we make a change to walk Godly and be a positive influence on others.
So often we make excuses such as “there’s no harm in what I’m doing” or “it’s for a good cause” or “its for the Glory of God,” or “I dont care what other people think,” etc. If there is ANY possiblity that we can be casting a negative influence on others or causing anyone to stumble, we should be obedient and turn from our ways!
So much corruption is going on inside churches these days because it is all based on “religion.” People hide behind religion and satan uses these people to corrupt God’s children.
A good standard to use in determining if you are being a negative influence on others is to evaluate your friendships. Have they changed? Have friends pulled away from you that once used to be very close? If so, have you humbled yourself to ask why?
Lets all work together to be the best influence we can be!!!!!
I had a dear friend that I thought a lot of. We attended the same church, ran with the same circle of friends, had bible studies together, etc. She began doing things that I felt were unGodly since she was a married woman. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do but I had to put distance between us. We are still friends but we do not communicate like we used to.
I tried to talk with her once about the image she was projecting to others but she took it as critcism so I just backed off. She is being influenced by a man that is really changing her whole personality. I pray that God will convict her heart soon.
Elizabeth – Thank God He gave you the insight to know this friend of yours was heading in the wrong direction and you didnt want any part to do with her negative influence! As Mary said above, our friendships often tell the tale. If our long term friends are christian friends and they are pulling away from us, then we need to evaluate what we are doing different in our lives. Chances are we are projecting a negative image that they dont want to have any part of.
Praying with you Sandra that your friend will be convicted and distance herself from the situation she is in. If she prays for God to show her the ways she is being a negative influence on others, He will show her. Otherwise, she will continue to do what is pleasing to the flesh and ego.
Many women, especially lonely women, tend to end up in these situations. Its like they know what they are doing is wrong, but the flattery and self-gratification is more than they can turn away. Just keep praying she will be convicted.
The Bible explains that friendships can have a powerful effect upon us. If we have a friend that is breaking God’s law, it is not healthy to continue to be friends with this person. If it’s at all possible, I believe the biblical way to handle this situation is to share your feelings with your
friend and your position. If your friend refuses to turn from her unGodlyways, then it is your duty to turn from her.
I like the sayings, “If you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem.” By continuing in friendship with this person, you are also in sin. We should strive to end friendships without being unfriendly in the process. Many times our paths will cross again with the individuals involved and it is better to be on pleasant terms instead of an enemy. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” This is true, even when we end friendships. My prayer is that you find courage to end friendships when you must and tact to do it as peacefully as possible.
Blessing to all.
Hi Mary I have a very painful one. My sister’s life is messed up because of bad influences. We don’t even know where she is now because of the people she keeps company with. God gives us choices and therefore all we need to do is choose, it is so sad that my sister had to choose the road of drugs and alcohol, because of the company she kept.
On my personal side, before I met my husband I dated a non christian guy, God warned me not to be in the relationship , I was disobedient, my heart got broken in the process, from there I learned my lesson.
I am very choosy about people I have in my life, I don’t want to hang around people that are bad influences I know the Holy Spirit also plays a very important role in this one.
Thanks for your wonderful post.
Dear Mary and dear ones in Christ,
Amen, that we need to be so careful who influences us, and how we influence others. Thank you, Mary, for sharing scriptures and examples from the Bible that illustrate this powerful truth, as well as modern examples.
I’d like for my sons and daughter-in-law and future daughter-in-law to read this chapter. My husband and I are saddened by how our children have been influenced by their friendships.
For myself I often think about Proverbs 13:20 and consider the books I read, the movies/TV I watch, the radio programs I listen to my “friends” as well. If I walk with wise authors, wholesome movie content and Biblically-based preaching, I will be wise. I have found this to be very true.
I’d rather have no friends than to have a mediocre friend. When I spend time in God’s Word and in prayer I know I will attract the right kind of friends. God is faithful. He never leaves me lonely.
I have a question: there’s this girl that wants to be friends with me and she’s not a christian. She does always respect what I believe and when I dont want to do something with her she respects it. I wonder if I shouldnt be friends with her because shes not a christian, but it seems like it wouldnt be right to just quit hanging out with her. If anyone has any advice?
Hey Monica,
I don’t think that there is anything wrong with being friendly to your “non-Christian” aquaintance, but the Bible strongly warns us that sometimes the company we keep can have a very negative influence in our lives. Honestly, I do not think that it would be very wise to put yourself in a situation where you are really close, intimate friends with this other person. When I became a Christian, I stopped hanging out with my non-believing friends because for one, I didn’t want to do the things that they were doing anymore, but also, I realized that I didn’t have anything in common with those people anymore. God had placed a love and a desire for Himself in my heart and so being friends with them didn’t look so great after that. I don’t think that you have to quit being kind to this person or stop talking to them altogether, but I wouldn’t become best friends with them and seek them out all the time. I also wouldn’t ask them for advice or any kind of counsel. Read Psalm 1. Not to offend you, but if you are a Christian and live like one, most of the time a non-believer won’t stick around anyways. Most of the time they will see that your ways are different from theirs and they will run from it.
thanks for the reply, Amy:)
I think its not much of an issue anymore. I said “no” to watching “grownups” with her cuz I think its a bad movie thats making fun out of wrong things and I havent heard from her much lately. but if she does want to keep hanging out with me still I know its because she’s lonely and doesnt have very many friends at all and of course we’re still both girls so we can still have a fun night watching a good movie and eating chips or going bowling or shopping or something. But yeah, I guess it probably wont work in the long run, which is sad because i so want her to become a christian and I dont really have any other good freinds that accept me.
I have a Christian friend that I’ve had to distance myself from. We attend the same church, and have some mutual friends. The hardest thing to put up with the criticizing that she would do in regards to the church, the pastors, and people. At times being around her was emotionally draining. She lifts herself on a pedestal and feels that she has the right to criticize everything that is going on. She calls it a gift of discernment. I call it a critical spirit. My husband has asked me to distance myself from her. If she’s gossiping and criticizing others around me whose to stay she’s not doing that about me when she’s not around. I hope one day she realizes that no one person, pastor, or church is perfect.