Is Your Teen “Sexting?â€
One out of every five teenagers surveyed, admitted to receiving or sending nude photos. That’s called “sexting.†Participating in either sending or receiving can result in criminal charges if the photos involve students under age 16. Recent news coverage has illuminated the controversial charges of young, innocent looking young men and women who have faced such charges.
Perhaps just as serious, 45% of teens say they’ve received a sexually suggestive text message.
Two of the girls I’ve been mentoring recently have been involved. One, a home-schooled Christian girl, sent a topless photo of herself. I was devastated for her. The aftermath has been horrific. The other, a pastor’s daughter, was graphically asked to have sex with a guy. He was sure to include: “And, I know your dad is the pastor, but this is none of his business.†I can’t probably convince you of this, but both of these girls—on the surface—are exceptional examples of Christian young women. I share their stories to convince you that sexting is affecting our church kids right and left.
How can you know if your child is part of this disturbing trend? Here a dose of rocket science: ask them! Vicki Courtney, my good friend and best-selling teen author, says that parents should ask their kids point blank if they’ve ever seen or sent sext messages. Many students want help navigating this all-too-common teen challenge. They just need you to bring up the subject. Just asking questions will help your teen feel comfortable to open up with you about what they are feeling pressured to do. If they open up and confess to something, be full of grace and talk through what they need to help them avoid this ever happening again. If they don’t open up and you suspect something by their odd reaction, check their cell phone immediately, before they have a chance to erase anything.
What if they have sent or received a message?
“Try not to sound accusatory,†says Vicki. “Many students are caught off guard when they receive one. First, make sure they understand the possible consequences. Help them understand how …[it]…is considered possession of pornography involving an underage minor, even if the picture is from a friend or someone they personally know.â€
Vicki recently posted an alarming video entitled “Required viewing for every cell-phone-toting teen.†The video tells the story of a young girl whose “sexting†led to her suicide. This is nothing to mess with and your teen should know that!
Second, help them by providing creative and appropriate consequences. If they have received texts, contact your cell service provider and change their service to exclude the texting feature. If they themselves have been sending “sext†messages, let me suggest something very loving…TAKE THEIR PHONE! Let them earn your trust and get it back when they have.
What if they have NOT seen or sent such a message?
Keep the dialogue open concerning this and other social technology trends. In my own home, our kids know that we monitor everything from their texting to their Facebook pages, and that we’ll remove privileges if we feel they are at risk of making bad choices.
As for texting, my girls are only allowed to text their dad and me until they are seniors in high school. Seem extreme? Consider this: how meaningful and helpful to good human communication is a text message actually? I mean, really! I know this: it’s really bad for their grammar. My girls can call their friends all they want, but texting is vetoed until they have better decision making and interpersonal communication skills. (And they are both fantastic little women. It’s not like they’re rebellious, nor weird or backward. Just safe, thanks to mom and dad.) It hasn’t killed them. My son is a thriving freshman at Penn State University in the honors program. (Can you tell I’m proud?) He uses text messages often to communicate with his friends, but he’s past the curiosity phase that I believe is so risky. Is he at risk? Sure, but I trust his judgment far more than I did when he was fifteen.
Here’s the bottom line. Discuss it with your kids. Establish guidelines. And don’t be afraid to be a parent, not their friend!
© Dannah Gresh
[...] I’ve just joined Mary’s blogging team—along with Leslie Ludy and Carolyn McCulley— and one of my first posts is up today. It’s about “sexting.” Check it out! [...]
My girls are both “tweens” so we haven’t been faced with this yet, but thank you so much for preparing us! You are right, the church is not immune to the world’s influences. We need to continue to be in prayer for ourselves and our children!