About the Author

Dannah Gresh, a best-selling author and captivating speaker, has long been at the forefront of the movement to encourage tweens and teens to be modest in their dress and to pursue vibrant lives of purity. Her most popular works include And the Bride Wore White, Lies Young Women Believe (co-authored with Nancy Leigh DeMoss) for teens, and Secret Keeper Girl series for tweens and their moms. Her websites are purefreedom.org and secretkeepergirl.com

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Bullied at School

September 1st, 2009 • By Dannah Gresh •

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Is Your Son or Daughter Being Bullied At School?

by Dannah Gresh

The statistics are staggering. An estimated 160,000 children miss school each day due to fear of bullies. Six out of ten witness a “mean girl” (or boy) attack every day. A lot of times they don’t tell anyone about their fears. This can really be a problem the first few weeks of school as the pecking order is being established. So how do you know if your child’s recurring “tummy ache” is just that or a cry for help? Or-worse yet- if your child is the bully?

Watch for the clear signs. If your child is sullen or snappy after school and doesn’t seem like himself, it is likely that there are some relationship challenges at school. So, get them talking. But not by diving right it. Bake cookies together. Play a round of tennis. Make a craft. Hit the go-kart track. Open up their heart. When a child’s spirit is opened, they start to share their secrets.

What if your child is the bully? As a woman who ministers to tweens and teens, I witness a lot of girls tangling themselves up in cat fights and I’ve only ever seen one thing that works: truth. James 3:10 is one of my favorite scriptures of truth for kids struggling with the sin of unkindness. It says: “From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things out not to be this way!” The surrounding scripture is convicting. If we call ourselves Christians and bless the name of God, it is an abomination for hateful curses to spew from the same lips. Encourage your child to repent and find ways to bless those they have been bullying. Hold them accountable and watch their spirit change.

What if your child is being bullied? Jesus knew a little bit about that. So did David. So did Paul. Open the word and show your child that they are not alone. I have watched kids who struggle with mean kids grow tremendously in the Lord if they press into it with the right attitude. Encourage them to memorize Romans 12:20. “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Heaping burning coals was meant to be a way of comforting a traveler who was cold and needed to be warmed. God desires for us to create a great blessing for those who hurt us and that is the most critical thing that you teach your child.

If returning the hatred with kindness doesn’t have an impact and your child continues to struggle, consider approaching school officials or the parents of the children. Make sure you can do this in the same spirit of love that you’ve asked your child to exhibit. If that doesn’t work, I’ve seen tremendous transformation in kids when their parents shelter them by moving them into a Christian school or homeschooling environment to get away from hateful situations.

Don’t be afraid to take drastic measures, but begin with your child’s heart. What is happening in there is far more significant than what is happening at school!