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Book Blog 3: Are you a Wily Coyote?

| May 27, 2010

The image of Wile E. Coyote obsessively scheming to catch the Roadrunner fits the description of the Wild Thing to a T. Shes wily of heart. No matter how many times this approach blows up in her face, she continues to scheme to get the guy to do what she wants. In this Girls Gone Wise video book blog, I outline five types of manipulation that are characteristic of the Girl-Gone-Wild. Are any of them characteristic of you?

  1. Read the third point of contrast between a Wild and a Wise Thing (Pages 45-55)
  2. Download and complete the Chapter Questions for Personal Reflection
  3. Post your comments on the Blog
  • What are some specific ways pop culture encourages women to manipulate men?
  • Which type of manipulation have you used the most? The least?
  • Can you describe an instance when being wily has blown up in your face?
  • How can we become less wily and and more wise in our relationships?

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Comments (8)

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  1. Cindy says:

    Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.

  2. Anna says:

    I have often been guilty of using my emotions to manipulate my husband. Sure, I don’t think, “Let me see if I can control him with my emotions,” but I do it anyway. It happens when I feel like I’ve lost control over circumstances in our marriage and his behavior toward me, so I let my emotions run rampant and hope that combing him down with my hurt and anger will get him to respond the way I want. It doesn’t usually work. And if it does work, and he is gracious in response to my sin, I’ve still sinned and feel so ashamed because of it!

  3. Anna says:

    Just wanted to add, “trusting Him with the other person’s behavior” is a golden reminder. That is one thing I wish I knew before I got married – how important it is to trust the Lord with my husband’s behavior, and find peace with Him even if my husband isn’t acting the way I want him to!

  4. Ann says:

    The definition of “fool”: “A ‘fool’ in the Bible is a person who lives life as if God and God’s way were of no consequence.” (page 49) Wow! I am so guilty of being a fool. How thankful I am for God’s word daily in my life showing me more and more how to be wise.

  5. Leslie says:

    Once again I have been blessed by the lesson, Mary. As a Christian woman (and I’m sure others would agree) — we don’t think of ourselves as manipulative, as we strive to live pure and holy lives, to “put off” the works of darkness. Yet, as I have heard you say at other times, Mary, feminism is in the air we breathe, and the culture is saturated with it. Being manipulative is not a trait that I would like to think I have. But your chapter, and questions, help me to go deeper, to take a deep look at my heart and ways, and realize subtle ways in which I may still have some of these behaviors. Praise the Lord for His marvelous work of grace in us, His patience with us!

    To answer your questions above:

    * Some specific ways in which pop culture encourages women to manipulate men would be: encouraging them to be seductive in dress and behavior (alluring); encouraging them to be agressive and domineering and self-assertive with men; encouraging them to “think for themselves” (rather than thinking God’s thoughts after Him and being in His divine order!). From your book you alerted me to the fact that magazines today also encourage — even instruct with specific techniques — women to be hunters, vixens (foxes) — in order to get what they want.

    * I probably have used verbal manipulation the most — though usually, I think, unwittingly. (I’m talking about since salvation!) I find it’s a delicate balance in learning to be Abigailian when necessary — that is, speaking the truth in love, even to a man if appropriate, when needed, even in an arrangement of submission; and on the other hand, being careful NOT to be manipulative, and being sure it really is the Lord’s timing/will for me to open my mouth. This is a learning process for me, and I think Kim Wagner and Nancy have had a lot of excellent tips along these lines! (And my pastor, in his teachings!) Also, emotional manipulation falls under the same category for me. While I know there are times not to “stuff” my feelings (I am one who has learned how to cry — other than for selfish reasons — since I’ve gotten saved!), yet at the point that I sense those emotions/show of feelings are manipulating someone (esp. Hubby), I need to reel them in, to stop, to keep them under control.

    I’m not sure if I’ve manipulated in other ways (probably have) but the other three areas would be where I’ve manipulated less.

    * The instance in which being wily has blown up in my face would probably be a recent situation in which I tried to handle something with a prodigal child — more or less on my own — that was serious enough to have needed pastoral counsel. As a result, I made some poor decisions, that really didn’t help the prodigal, but rather enabled him in prodigal ways. It was a difficult situation, and I consulted my husband during the process, but allowed fear and my own reasonings to take the day. I didn’t fully follow Pr. 3:5-6, and relied on my own schemes/plans to try to help the prodigal. The Lord was merciful with me and I hope never to do that again!

    * I think the way to become more wise and less wily in our relationships is to pray much for others, and submit to God’s instructions and divine order in all relationships. We must walk in His wisdom, and not go by our own feelings or womanly intuition (which is sometimes right on, but only if it lines up with the Word!). When needed, we ought to get counsel from a godly female mentor, or from church leadership (I would meet with my pastor with my husband or his wife present). As I do this more consistently and more intentionally, I will be better on my way to being a Girl-Gone-Wise!

    Mary, I love the info about the word “abomination” in this chapter; I loved the sripture references to Proverbs 24:9 and 6:16-18; I loved the 1 Cor. 3:19 reference. The examples of Delilah and Amnon as manipulators were powerful. And the analogy about the road runner being “a living, breathing, allegory of Want” was a good word picture. Again, more meat to chew on!

    (Sorry I haven’t had time to read the comments above, this time, but am glad others are interacting with this study!)

    (From TrueWoman Blog)

  6. Joanna says:

    The use of Wile E Coyote has really stuck in my mind since reading this chapter, “a living breathing allegory of Want.” Fab, I can see this in myself especially the “Want” bit.

    Q1 I think one of the main ways pop culture encourages this is my making women, especially celebrities, who overtly behave like this role models almost heroines for doing so and as you highlight in the chapter giving them instruction in how to do so. It’s the opposite of what is taught in Titus 2 where women are to instruct other women in Godly ways.

    Q2&3 This was a really tough question to consider. My biggest are of weakness is using Verbal and Emmotional Manipulation particulary with my husband. I cant remember specific times when it has blown up in my face BUT I think that is because there have been quite a few. A lot of our arguments over the years have been caused by this and even when he has said “Back off!” I have kept on and on. Praise God that I have a steadfast husband. I am work inprogress and will trust the Lord to keep refining me!!

    Q4 Mmmm how can we? The verses from Prov3:5-6 are so precious to me. Fundamentally I know that when i am trying to manipulate things I am not trusting God. I cant fix everything only God can. So often i need to back off and let God be in control.

    Re Spiritual Manipulation – I completely agree with you l.savy in your comments above. I too have seen this in church. We do need to pray for discernment. I know of a situation when a Godly older woman kept quiet about what she believed was God’s will and over time she was proved to be right. Is this not where we need to not only trust God but also the male Leadership in our churches?

    (From TrueWoman Blog)

  7. Claire says:

    “Culture teaches us.. as women to be manipulative” – interesting point, I’d never looked at it like that before. I think of so-called “chick flicks” that present people (sometimes men but usually women) scheming their way to getting what they want.
    I also liked the list of forms of manipulation, I’m guilty of emotional manipulation (I can think of one example only 24 hours ago!).
    Thank you for these blogs, Mary :-)

  8. I was one of the wild in the year of 2000 to 2001. At that time, I wanted that guy and didn’t like his girl that he later married.

    Now, I am single for Christ and trusting in Him. Yes, I do long for godly husband but trusting in Christ for my life rather to be married or to remain single for Christ.

    It is amazing to see the difference between wild and wise and look back in my wild past that I couldn’t do again with the Lord help.

    Thank you for writing this book for us girls in all ages.

    Hungry to eat His Word,
    ‘Guerite ~ BoldLion