The set-apart women I admire most all had one very important thing in common; they were passionately, ardently, fervently in love with Jesus Christ.  They put Jesus Christ above pleasure, riches, comforts, family, friends, and worldly applause.  And they put Jesus Christ far above their own agenda.

Amy Carmichael sacrificed her right to be married and chose instead to spend her life rescuing 1,000 children from being sold into temple prostitution in India.  Her romance with Jesus Christ far exceeded the most beautiful fairy tale ever written.

Sabina Wurmbrandt sacrificed her right to live “happily ever after” with the love of her life, Richard, when it came down to a choice between saving her husband and standing up for her first Love, Jesus Christ.  She inspired her husband to stand against those who were blaspheming Christ’s name, and as a result she and Richard were separated for ten long years.

Gladys Alyward spent all of her youth and beauty in a war-torn Chinese village – rather than pining after men – choosing service for the Kingdom of God over marriage, family and the comforts of this world.  And as a result, a hundred violent prisoners were subdued into quiet obedience, two hundred orphan’s lives were saved and thousands were pulled out of darkness into God’s marvelous light.

Catherine Booth laid down her right to a comfortable marriage and family life – not only allowing her husband to pour out his life for the destitute and dying, but serving right by his side as he did so.  She chose all-night prayer gatherings, long days trudging through slums, and attack from the modern church over a stable existence in a cute home with a white picket fence.

When I study these women’s lives, I am astounded and inspired by their level of commitment to Jesus Christ.  They didn’t just say He was their first love; they lived it.  Whether they gave up their right to be married in order to serve Christ, or gave up the “happily ever after” lifestyle they’d always dreamed of, nothing was more important than protecting the honor of their Lord and King.

So it must be with us.

The more I study the lives of great Christian women, the more I recognize that our American culture (even the Christian culture) so often convinces us that this life is all about us rather than being all about Jesus Christ.  It is my desire, by God’s grace, to make all of my decisions, choices and attitudes based on the question, “How can I honor and glorify my King in this moment?” It’s a deliberate choosing to ignore what my flesh (and this culture) constantly encourages me to do, which is to ask, “What is best for me right now?” or “What do I feel like doing?”

Being a mother of three has offered boundless opportunities to lay down my own agenda and serve others for the glory of God.  Tending to a crying newborn several times a night, and spending my best energies during the changing diapers, pouring juice, and kissing “owies” (instead of taking a nap or relaxing on the couch with a books) are a few small ways I am learning to die to self’s agenda and live a poured-out life for the glory of God.  However, I am convinced that these small victories are preparing for much greater opportunities to take up my cross and follow Him.  After all Christ said, “He who is faithful in little will also be faithful in much.”

I would encourage you to look at the challenging areas of your life.  Are there areas, even small areas, in which God wants to teach you how to lay down your own agenda, die to self, take up your cross and follow Him?  It may not seem like an exciting path at first, but it is the doorway into the fullness of all He has for you.  The heroic women of history past all had to begin living a poured-out life the small areas of their daily existence.  And because they were faithful in little, God entrusted with much.  Are we willing to follow in their footsteps?

© Leslie Ludy
www.setapartgirl.com

Melissa Click, an assistant professor of communication who surveyed 4,000 Twilight fans, aged 11 to 70, at a fan convention in Dallas last summer, noted, “With teens, we actually found that they appreciated the messages of abstinence.” Click and her co-author’s research primarily address the reasons behind the teenage vampire craze. They discovered that many teen girls are attracted to the idea of love that goes beyond the physical. Click’s colleague, Jennifer Stevens Aubrey believes the series is a “backlash to the ‘hooking-up’ culture.”

Click and Aubrey plan to publish their findings next spring in a collaborative book, “Bitten by Twilight: Youth culture, media and the vampire franchise.” The media environment is saturated with teens in sexual relationships,” says Click, “[Twilight] does provide something different for girls. I’ve had girls say to me: I’m going to wait for my Edward.’ And they think that’s really cool.”

Take 18-year-old Twilight fan France-Renee Miron, for example. “Most boys now around our age, all they want is to get you in bed. They don’t care about the romance part,” said Miron, “In the book and in the film, (Edward) doesn’t want to have sex. [His love] is really different.”Miron’s friend, Valierie Lefebvre, chipped in that the book shows that relationships can develop and grow without unmarried couples being sexually active.

Click observed that many girls interviewed felt relieved that Bella and Edward had to control their sexual impulses. “They liked that it was the man putting brakes on sexual activity. For them it probably highlighted the development of the relationship – the romantic relationship – between the two, instead of the sexual relationship.”

Click and Aubrey’s findings match the conclusion of Mike Farrell, a partner at Toronto youth research firm Youthography. In a 2008 Canada-wide study, Youthography surveyed around 500 teen girls ages 14 to 18 about 50 different “values” from current events to sex. They’ve been tracking these values for the past 9 years. According to Youthography, only a quarter of young teenage girls are interested in sex, while more than half indicated that they were more interested in marriage and having children.

“There are some fundamental things that haven’t changed that much. And one of those, especially with girls, is the focus on a search for meaningful love that is hopeful, passionate, real,” says Farrell, “Despite an increasingly sexualized youth culture, the desire for romance among teenage girls has remained.”

I don’t recommend the Twilight movie. I’m not a fan of the messages it contains. But I find it interesting that pop culture is starting to take note that relationships built on illicit free sex are unfulfilling, and that sex ought to be the consummation rather than the forerunner of commitment.

(Reference:”Lack of sex attracts teens to Twilight” study by Laura Stone, Canwest News Service, Ottawa. Published in the Edmonton Journal, November 19, 2009)

© Mary A. Kassian

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I have to hold myself back every time a white-haired grandma leans in to her pig-tailed granddaughter and teasingly asks her, “So, do you have a boyfriend?” This, usually said with a chuckle and a batting of the eyes, is generally meant to be just silly conversation, but I know too much to consider it to be cute. It is dangerous.  Being in a dating relationship for six months or longer is a significant risk factor for early teen sexual activity. Can you see why it might not be “cute” for our 8-12 year olds to be boy crazy or to have multiple boyfriends while they are still in the fourth grade? If she develops the pattern of “needing” a guy when she is eight or nine, she’s going to be in many six-month relationships in her early teen years. That’s not wise. Let’s help her stay off the boy crazy train.

I have two sixteen-year-old girls who have not only stayed off of it, but have managed to pull a few friends off. How do you navigate through boy craziness? There are three critical things you must do to prepare your princess to be successful in her quest for purity. First, you’ll need to have the big sex talk. Don’t think for a minute that it’s too early. Experts agree that sexual value formation begins when a child is between the ages of 8-10. A healthy, age-appropriate conversation during those years is critical. Second, you need to begin to establish your family philosophy on dating and begin to explain it to your child in stages. This will begin with the first stage of teaching her to related to boys as friends, not boyfriends in fourth grade! Finally, mom, it’s time to start dreaming of her future. If you take the time now to establish a dream of purity and a white wedding dress in her heart, it will know what to aim for and will be less likely to settle for anything less.

The book of Proverbs describes a virtuous woman. It says that she does her husband good “all the days of her life.” I think that includes when she’s seven!

You don’t have to just trust me or your own instinct on the matter. The American Psychological Association (APA) task force on the sexualization of little girls links skimpy clothes to sexual activity.
Moms, we need to do more than just complain about it and tell our daughter’s “no.” After all, we have boys to protect, too. We need to do everything we can to get as many girls as possible to dress tastefully! One year ago this I month, I introduced the Bod Squad Petition to raise awareness of the need for retailers to provide age-appropriate clothing for girls.

My goal wasn’t just to ask them to change what they sell. It was (and is) to get moms to be more careful about what they buy. Since October 1, 2008, over 13,000 have joined. Now, the petition is going to a new level with national news and media support, with which it can gain the attention of the industry it hopes to shape. The Bod Squad’s request will be for the Council of Fashion Designers of America to read the findings of the APA report, and to tell the fashion industry that mothers want to purchase age-appropriate clothing for their girls and would like the fashion industry to evaluate the clothing they design and the messages they send to our daughters through advertising.

We don’t want to ban anything. We will stay positive. We are consumers who just want to express our concerns. In fact, this month we’ll be sending a positive message by initiating a national Shop ‘Til You Drop Event on October 23 & 24 to thank retailers who consistently provide age-appropriate and modest clothing for little girls up to age twelve.

To view the Bod Squad petition go to: www.secretkeepergirl.com where you can also download a copy of the APA Task Forces study on the sexualization of girls and learn more about our Shop Til You Drop event!

© Dannah Gresh

The best way to fight back is parent-child connectedness-spending time with her! You can educate her, send her to Bible study, take her to church and even sit her in front of a counselor but none of those things can come close to the power of mother/daughter connectedness. (By-the-way, I do this with my 19 year old son, too!) I believe so firmly in using creative investments of time to overcome the clamor of our culture. As I write this, I’m headed out for an afternoon of shopping and Chinese food with my girls. Here’s the key: I have every intention of using our shopping time as fun girl time, but I’ll also sneak in ways to pass on my values. Here’s a little of what’s on my mind.

A Shopping Challenge

Peer pressure has power. Social studies tell us that to really get your daughter saying “no” to skimpy clothes, you need her friends to join her. So, I’ll have a few other friends on this trip. They are in their twenties and understand true beauty and modesty, having fought their battles with eating disorders and won. This is how our shopping trip will work and how you can us it, too:

1. Present some creative guidelines for what you consider tasteful and age-appropriate. Forgot hard-fast rules like “your shorts have to come to your finger tips!” Make this fun.  You might make one up called “I see London, I see France…Can you see my Under-pants?” To take this test, have your daughter sit with her legs crossed in front of mirror when she tries on a skirt. If it’s too short, the answer will be “yes!” (For ideas, check out my Secret Keeper Girl’s creative Truth or Bare Fashion tests at www.secretkeepergirl.com.
2. Give each girl a specific amount of money and a specific amount of time, then release them to shop ‘til they drop. You might try $50 in fifty minutes or $20 in twenty minutes. The time factor makes it suspenseful and fun. Here’s the real challenge: each girl has to purchase something that passes all of your fashion tests!
3. Hit the ice cream shop to debrief. Make sure you end this creative date with a group conversation about both how much fun you had and how much you all learned. Use these Girl Gab questions to guide your conversations!

Girl Gab Time: Ask the girls if it was ever hard to find clothes that weren’t too short, too tight or too low-cut? Ask them if they’ve ever noticed other girls wearing clothes that reveal too much and what that makes them think about? How does it make them feel? Talk about what gives them the most value…cool clothes and the way they look OR internal beauty, such as, kindness, peacefulness, friendliness and love. Let them know that you know their value lies on the inside and that’s why you won’t let the culture define them by how they dress and look!

© Dannah Gresh