I’m working on writing a devotional for teen girls with my friend, Susan Hunt. It will be called, “Becoming God’s True Woman — while I still have a curfew,” and will be published by Moody publishers at the end of 2012.

The book will have 35 devotions for teen girls about how to become God’s True Woman. We also want to include quotes, comments, and letters from teens in the book. And that’s where you come in!

Can you help me by providing your comments and thoughts?  Since you’ll be out of school for the Christmas break, I hope you’ll have time to contribute.

I want your perspective on some topics that are relevant to teen girls . . . like what you think about guys, relationships, peer pressure, dating, the ways girls dress, and the messages popular culture gives you about what it means to be a woman.

This devotional will be used by tens of thousands of teens across North America. You can help me make a difference in their lives by taking a bit of time to record your thoughts.

Below, (and on the attached pdf), I outline some topics/questions that I’d like you to address. Don’t worry. There’s no right or wrong answers. . . I’m just looking for opinions. Anything goes!!!

Your comments can be as short or as long as you want them to be—from a sentence, to a paragraph, to a whole letter—and you only need to address the topics that you want (although I hope you tackle them all!!!)

You can email or facebook message your answers to me by December 30, 2011 at DearMary@girlsgonewise.com

I’ll sort them, edit them a bit, and pick which ones will be best to use in the book. Your comments will be published with your first name and age only (e.g. “Brenda, age 15”). Or, if you don’t want me to use your name, just make a note of that, and I can print your comment with a pseudo name. Thanks so much for your help, girls! I really appreciate it!!

Please give me your opinions on the following topics. You could answer the questions listed under each topic, write a paragraph sharing your thoughts on the topic, or just give your opinion about what Christian girls should do to be wise in each particular area:

1. Popular Media

a. In what ways are girls influenced by popular media?

b. What are some harmful messages that media sends to young women?

c. How can Christian girls be wise about their media intake?

2. Appearance

a. Why do girls want to look “hot” and “sexy”?

b. What comes to mind when you hear the word “modesty”? What does it mean to be modest?

c. How have you struggled with appearance?

d. What would you tell a friend who struggles with her body image?

3. Femininity

a. Do most girls have a positive or negative view of femininity? Why?

b. In what way does culture encourage women to be loud, demanding, and in control? What other types of attitudes does it encourage in women?

c. How does today’s image of the ideal woman differ from God’s ideal?

d. What are some fears a young woman might have about developing a “gentle” and “quiet” spirit? (1 Pet. 3:4)

4. Boy Crazy Girls

a. How strong is the trend of girls being the initiators and pursuers in guy-girl relationships? From a Christian perspective, why is this a negative trend?

b. What are some factors that might contribute to a girl being “boy crazy”?

c. How might a girl’s focus on getting/keeping a boyfriend distract her from what the Lord wants her to focus on?

d. How can a girl avoid getting caught up in boy craziness?

5. Sexuality

a. What kind of pressure is there on girls to become sexually active?

b. Does the church present a negative or positive view of sex? Explain.

c. What could the church do better in this area?

d. Explain what “sexual purity” means.

e. Why does God want us to reserve sex for marriage?

6. Gender Roles

a. What are some general differences you’ve noticed between girls and guys? (other than the obvious physical ones)

b. Why can a mom never replace a dad, and a dad never replace a mom? What do they uniquely contribute to the family?

c. The Bible teaches that a wife should submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ and a husband should love his wife as Christ loves the church—how does this idea of differing roles compare with the world’s model for relationships?

d. Why do you think God created the two sexes to fill different roles?

e. How do you feel about gender roles?

7. Boundaries

a. How do you feel about the boundaries and rules your parents have established for you? Why have they established these boundaries?

b. Can you think of any examples of girls getting into trouble because they didn’t have or didn’t obey a boundary?

c. What are some smart boundaries that would help a girl maintain pure and healthy relationships with guys? Why are boundaries important?

8. Top 3 Issues

a. What are the top 3 issues in guy-girl relationships that today’s young women face?

9. Glorifying God

a. The Bible tells us that God created male and female for His “glory.” What does it mean to “glorify God?”

b. How might a desire to live for God’s glory impact the decisions you make as a young woman?

Do you have any other thoughts about womanhood or guy-girl relationships you’d like to share? Or a testimony about how He is making you into a wise woman?

Make sure you include your name, your age, an email contact address, and whether you want me to use your first name or a pseudo name.

Email your comments/answers to DearMary@girlsgonewise.com before December 30, 2011.

Thank you. Thank you! Thank you!!! I appreciate your help!

Affectionately,

Mary

 Download this letter on pdf

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“What are you watching!!!???” I ever-so-tactlessly cried out.

“Relax, mom,” lamented Lexi with a blush. “It’s a commercial and a bad one at that.”

Are you one of “those” moms who is always the lone boycotter of the newest TV fad? Turns out, you’re a good mom and some new research proves just how much you’re protecting. (It’s more than her mind!)

It’s not just the categorically “bad” television that hurts our kids. The most sensational scenarios are not what’s robbing our little girls of their innocence.  It’s the slow-drip of value-ingraining shows where kids dress up and go on dates and our kids are pressed to identify with older more mature characters and life scenarios. (I probably don’t have to mention that Hannah Montana has a lot of that stuff in it, do I?)

For our teens, it’s teen shows like the one Lexi saw promoted in that commercial where teens are doing very adult, very x-rated stuff that rips out their innocence. It’s what culture as deemed the “norm” that probably shouldn’t be, if you want your kids to live a pure life.

There is an inarguable connection between the media diet of tweens and early sexual activity in teens. (Yep, I said TWEENS!) Fifty-five percent of teens who were exposed to a lot of sexual material as tweens had sexual intercourse between the ages of 14-16 compared with 6% of teens who rarely saw sexual imagery as tweens.[i]

While studies often look at television shows with content deemed appropriate for teens and adults, you have to consider how a steady diet of boyfriend/girlfriend television programs, mildly sexual music lyrics, and an occasional PG or PG-13 movie impacts a child. Doesn’t it make sense that anything we feed our daughters that says “be boy-crazy” would just put her in the cultural current of early sexualization?

Play it safe, mom. The stakes are too high.

So, are your kids to be monks? Naw! TV, music and movies aren’t all bad. Just some of it is. Maybe you could leave a comment below with some ideas about how you monitor TV in your house!

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The last of the True Woman conferences was held this past weekend in Ft. Worth, TX. Tim Challies was among the blogging team there and he brought his wife, Aileen, with him. It was a pleasure to meet Aileen after reading about her for years! You can check out what Tim posted (on momentum and on the definition of a true woman), as well as what others on the True Woman blogging team posted. But even better: the True Woman team has posted all the messages from all three events online! You can even create a True Woman event for your own church or small group by downloading the leader’s kit.

I left the Ft. Worth conference thinking about something Dannah Gresh said during our panel discussion. Dannah encouraged us to begin teaching our girls at a young age about modestly, purity, and serving—and not to wait until they are young teens to guide them in forming godly values. She emphasized that the grade school to ‘tween years are the prime time to shape the value systems of young girls. So I decided to be intentional about discussing the True Woman event while visiting afterward with my three nieces, who range from age 8 to 13. (They get this perspective from their mother, too, but I wanted to add my auntie input.)

With their mother’s permission, I introduced my seminar topic about the challenges girls face in developing nations. I gave an overview of the issues (skipping some of the more graphic problems), and then focused on how some girls aren’t allowed to go to school for either political or economic reasons. We then watched a short video produced by the New York Times about girls in Swat Valley, Pakistan, who were banned from attending school by the Taliban. I prepared them for the sobering images of Taliban justice, but I thought it was important they understand how valuable their own education freedom is in this nation. (During my seminar, I mentioned I had sent this link to them, but they hadn’t had the opportunity to see it.)

Then we talked about why God wants women to manage their homes and what kinds of ministry can take place in the home–and why that’s important in light of eternity. I told them how you can go much deeper in conversation in the privacy of your home, as opposed to being in restaurants, and about how the Bible portrays the home as being a discipleship center and mission field. We talked about all of that over a home-cooked meal of beef brisket (a yummy pot-roast style recipe from the New Basics Cookbook), mashed potatoes with sauteed mushrooms, steamed garlic broccoli, and pistachio pudding. The girls were all involved in creating the meal–trying new recipes together is one of our traditions. Then the next day, we invited a friend over for dinner and a home-cooked pumpkin pie with spiced hot cider. As we prepared, we talked about how to create ambiance and make a guest feel especially welcome.

I wasn’t sure how much was sinking in, but I discovered even my youngest niece was listening closely. After church on Sunday, I took them to Starbucks for more discussion time. As we sat down with our drinks and muffins, I mentioned how fun it was to have this special girl time together. Abigail shot me a knowing look and said, “But shouldn’t we do this at home?”

Busted! But it was worth it to know they heard me.

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I have to hold myself back every time a white-haired grandma leans in to her pig-tailed granddaughter and teasingly asks her, “So, do you have a boyfriend?” This, usually said with a chuckle and a batting of the eyes, is generally meant to be just silly conversation, but I know too much to consider it to be cute. It is dangerous.  Being in a dating relationship for six months or longer is a significant risk factor for early teen sexual activity. Can you see why it might not be “cute” for our 8-12 year olds to be boy crazy or to have multiple boyfriends while they are still in the fourth grade? If she develops the pattern of “needing” a guy when she is eight or nine, she’s going to be in many six-month relationships in her early teen years. That’s not wise. Let’s help her stay off the boy crazy train.

I have two sixteen-year-old girls who have not only stayed off of it, but have managed to pull a few friends off. How do you navigate through boy craziness? There are three critical things you must do to prepare your princess to be successful in her quest for purity. First, you’ll need to have the big sex talk. Don’t think for a minute that it’s too early. Experts agree that sexual value formation begins when a child is between the ages of 8-10. A healthy, age-appropriate conversation during those years is critical. Second, you need to begin to establish your family philosophy on dating and begin to explain it to your child in stages. This will begin with the first stage of teaching her to related to boys as friends, not boyfriends in fourth grade! Finally, mom, it’s time to start dreaming of her future. If you take the time now to establish a dream of purity and a white wedding dress in her heart, it will know what to aim for and will be less likely to settle for anything less.

The book of Proverbs describes a virtuous woman. It says that she does her husband good “all the days of her life.” I think that includes when she’s seven!

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You don’t have to just trust me or your own instinct on the matter. The American Psychological Association (APA) task force on the sexualization of little girls links skimpy clothes to sexual activity.
Moms, we need to do more than just complain about it and tell our daughter’s “no.” After all, we have boys to protect, too. We need to do everything we can to get as many girls as possible to dress tastefully! One year ago this I month, I introduced the Bod Squad Petition to raise awareness of the need for retailers to provide age-appropriate clothing for girls.

My goal wasn’t just to ask them to change what they sell. It was (and is) to get moms to be more careful about what they buy. Since October 1, 2008, over 13,000 have joined. Now, the petition is going to a new level with national news and media support, with which it can gain the attention of the industry it hopes to shape. The Bod Squad’s request will be for the Council of Fashion Designers of America to read the findings of the APA report, and to tell the fashion industry that mothers want to purchase age-appropriate clothing for their girls and would like the fashion industry to evaluate the clothing they design and the messages they send to our daughters through advertising.

We don’t want to ban anything. We will stay positive. We are consumers who just want to express our concerns. In fact, this month we’ll be sending a positive message by initiating a national Shop ‘Til You Drop Event on October 23 & 24 to thank retailers who consistently provide age-appropriate and modest clothing for little girls up to age twelve.

To view the Bod Squad petition go to: www.secretkeepergirl.com where you can also download a copy of the APA Task Forces study on the sexualization of girls and learn more about our Shop Til You Drop event!

© Dannah Gresh

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