Hi. My name is Katie, and I’m an approvaholic.  (This is the part where you say, “Hi, Katie”) For many of us, the need for approval is as strong and insatiable as an addiction.  While you may not call yourself an approval addict, perhaps you’re known as a people-pleaser, someone who will go to great lengths to keep everyone happy with them. But if we belong to Christ, the Bible says that we cannot live to please both people and God: “For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ” (Gal. 1:10, also check out Acts 5:29)

The culture will tell you that the best way to break from your people-pleasing path is to reclaim the real you! Take control of your life. Learn to say “no.” Indulge in the things that you want to do and “just do you.” (Sound familiar?) Ironically, an approvaholic may seem like they’re working for God and others, but the heart-motivation is often about their emotional security, their reputation, and their standing in the eyes of others. It’s not about God’s glory and obeying His Word; it’s about their own glory and others’ opinions.

An Approvaholic confuses pleasing people with honoring God.

Many of us can relate to Martha, who resentfully took on all the work she considered so important. She was so focused on getting things done the “right way” and meeting a perceived expectation that she almost missed her one real priority of knowing Jesus more and learning from Him (Luke 10:38-42). While what she was busy doing was not wrong in itself, as Jesus told her it wasn’t the one thing that was needed.

An Approvaholic seeks to validate the leading of God with the opinions of others.

The Apostle Paul probably had good reason to feel the need for validation. Before his own conversion, he was one of the early Church’s greatest enemies. In one life-changing encounter with Christ, the very people he was working to destroy became his peers. But unlike an approval addict, he didn’t seek the confirmation of other believers to validate what God had made clear to him. “But when it pleased God…to reveal His Son in me, that I might preach Him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately confer with flesh and blood, nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were apostles before me” (Galatians 1:15-17). He acted in obedience upon what God had said, without needing the approval or agreement of other people.

An Approvaholic views the opportunity to serve God as an opportunity to gain personal praise.

Judges 11 tells us the tragic story of Jephthah. Motivated by gaining the respect and approval of those that had mistreated him, he made a rash vow to the Lord that revealed his own heart: “If You will indeed deliver the people of Ammon into my hands, then it will be that whatever comes out of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the people of Ammon, shall surely be the Lord’s, and I will offer it up as a burnt offering.” (Judges 11:30-31). For Jephthah, and for the approval addict, the motivation for success wasn’t for God’s glory, it was for his own (“If You will deliver…into my hands). This is the same attitude that Paul spoke of in his letter to the Philippians when he said that, “Some indeed preach Christ even from envy and strife…from selfish ambition, not sincerely” (v. 15-16). For the Approvaholic who thirsts for people’s high opinions, even good and godly things can be distorted for self-centered motives.

An Approvaholic’s self-worth is based on their performance and motivated by pride.

At the heart of a woman who is afraid of disappointing others is the belief that she can make everyone happy with her. Underneath the fear of saying no, letting someone down or falling short of a goal, is the lie that she can fulfill people’s expectations, do things the right way or achieve outer perfection. In fact, when we boil it down to the condition of the heart, feeding the approval addiction is just another modern-day idol.

Perhaps you’ve been working for good and godly things but have been motivated by a desire other than serving the Lord. God desires “truth in the innermost parts” more than a well-executed sacrifice (Psalm 51:6, 16-17). Maybe you’ve been accepting every extra responsibility out of the belief that you’re the only person capable of fulfilling it, and forgetting that God is the one who qualifies all of us to serve Him. “Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant,” (2 Cor. 3:5-6).

So how can we overcome our addiction to approval? It begins when we humble ourselves and realize how incapable we are of perfection and how unworthy we are of praise. Ephesians 1 says that before the world was even made every believer was chosen and accepted in Christ. And because He chose You, you were made right with and accepted by God because of Christ’s work on the cross (Rom. 8:30-31). It never has, or will have, anything to do with your performance. You did nothing and can do nothing to gain his approval. Your Heavenly Father chose to set His love on you. That’s it - and that’s grace!

God is far more pleased with an obedient heart that fears Him than the pretense of having it all together. When you start living to please your Heavenly Father rather than the of the approval of others, your time, your priorities and your heart-motivation will start lining up with His will. You may not be able to meet others’ expectations, but you will be honoring God.

You don’t have to be an Approvaholic. You don’t have to live in fear of being rejected, being punished, making a mistake or not living up to some perceived expectation. The same One that has already purchased your approval before your only Judge is the very One who said, “My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:30). And in Him, you are completely – and already – accepted.

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WATCH THE LIVE WEBCAST HERE –12 Noon CST TUESDAY Aug. 10. 2010

Tuesday, I’ll be joining Chris Adams on LifeWay’s very first live webcast for women in leadership. Chris is the senior lead women’s ministry specialist in LifeWay’s church resources division. But more than that, she’s also a dear friend.

Before coming to LifeWay in 1994, Chris coordinated women’s ministry and missions education as the special ministries coordinator at Green Acres Baptist Church in Tyler, Texas. I met her in 1998, when LifeWay asked me to write a Bible Study, ” In My Father’s House:  Women Relating to God as Father.”

Right from the start, I admired Chris’ love for Jesus, and her commitment to training women how to lead and impact the women in their churches and communities for the Kingdom. My respect and affection for Chris has grown deeper and deeper over the years as I’ve witnessed her love and faithful service to women and the Body of Christ.

In addition to her role as an ongoing guest teacher at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary’s Women’s Certificate Program, Chris is consultant and guest editor of Journey, a 214,000-circulation women’s devotional magazine that deals with real issues women face daily.

Chris has written a great resource for leaders — Women Reaching Women: Beginning and Building a Growing Women’s Ministry and Transformed Lives: Taking Women’s Ministry to the Next Level. She’s contributed to the books Leading Women to the Heart of God and HeartCall: The Call to Prayer and has written for various other publications.

Chris and her husband, Pat, live in Hendersonville, Tennessee, and have twin daughters and four grandchildren. (I know, I know, she doesn’t look old enough to have grandbabies… but believe it or not, Chris is older than me… shhh don’t tell her I let on.) Chris has incredible capacity, energy, and enthusiasm for ministry. If I were to uphold an example of a beautiful, amazing woman for you to try to emulate, I’d point to Chris.

If you’re a leader, or want to be a leader, you’ll want to check out some of the great resources that Chris and the team at LifeWay have compiled. I’ve included a list of their frequently asked questions about women’s ministry below.  Take some time to surf around. But don’t forget to come back and join us at 12 Noon CST Tuesday for the webcast. It’ll be a ton of fun! I’m looking forward to having you join us!

Click Here to Sign up for a LifeWay Email Reminder for the Event

___________________________________________

Women’s Ministry FAQs

Questions about leading the women’s ministry in your church? Check this list of frequently asked questions for some basic women’s ministry tips. If you have a question you don’t see listed, please feel free to post your question or concern in the LifeWay Community — a series of online community forums where women and women’s leaders can exchange ideas, insights and questions.

1. How do I get a catalog?
	LifeWay Women Catalog Download a free LifeWay Women catalog and see all of the great Bible studies, resources, and events available for ministry to women in your church. This is a large file in 4 parts. It will take several minutes to download. 2009 Catalog, Part 1 2009 Catalog, Part 2 2009 Catalog, Part 3 2009 Catalog, Part 4
2. How do we start a women’s ministry in our church?
Prayer is the first and most important step. You must wait on God’s timing and movement before going to the second step: sharing your vision with a staff minister. For some very practical helps, we recommend several resources by and for women’s leaders: Women Reaching Women: Beginning and Building a Growing Women’s Ministry This foundational resource contains ministry helps on a variety of topics concerning women’s ministry. This might be helpful as you move forward in your ministry with women in your church. (Also available in Spanish.) Transformed Lives: Taking Women’s Ministry to the Next Level This compilation of ministry helps will help you continue to develop a balanced ministry with women.
	Organizing Your Women’s Ministry Handout Leaders, use this helpful tool to get started in your women’s ministry. It will also give great information regarding how to build a balanced ministry with your women and lead you to helpful contacts to further develop your ministry.Download this free handout. Chris Adams, LifeWay’s Women’s Ministry Enrichment / Ministers’ Wives Specialist shares a video message of hope for the future of women’s ministry. View The Vision of Women’s Ministry.
3. How do we request leadership training in our area?
LifeWay offers a variety of leadership training opportunities. Read more Women & Beth Moore events. If you are in a Southern Baptist church, check with your associational office to see what training events are scheduled for your area. Search State Conventions and Local Associations here. Ask if there is a women’s ministry leader for your area and let her know of your interest. Find Women’s State Leaders here. If you are looking for a speaker for an event at your church, visit Women’s Ministry Authors where you will find links to their personal websites. If you are not in a Southern Baptist church or have additional questions, e-mail Chris Adams to see about setting up a training conference for your area. Webcasts Webcasts are new online training opportunities for you to gather your leadership team or let them watch from their home or office. Then get together and brainstorm ways to put the ideas to work in your church. Chris Adams hosts the webcasts with occasional guests to discuss topics related to ministering to women. Read more about Women’s Webcasts.
4. What resources do you have to help us with mentoring?
We are pleased to offer Woman to Woman Mentoring resources by speaker and author Janet Thompson. This resource is designed to help you with administrating the ministry, finding mentors, training mentors and mentees, kickoff coffees, and many other issues dealing with mentoring.
5. How do we find promotional resources for Bible studies or Events?
If you are planning a Bible study in your church we have free, downloadable promotional resources for many of our studies. Visit Bible Studies for Women where you will find a list of all of our studies. Choose a study and click on the title where you will find promotional items if they are available. For event promotion, visit Events for Women, click on the event you are interested in and you will find promotional items at the bottom of the page. All flyers are full color PDF files and can be printed on any color or black-and-white printer. You will need the latest version of Adobe Acrobat Reader™
6. How do we blend women’s enrichment ministry with already established women’s groups (such as a mission group) in our church?
Again, prayer is the key to opening the door for cooperation. Women’s ministry is not meant to do away with any already established ministry with women in your church. It is meant to involve more women in activities designed for them. To achieve a balanced ministry with women you must include three key elements: discipleship, missions, and evangelism. As we reach and disciple women, God will work in women’s lives to lead them to share their faith and to minister in His name to others, so it ideally will increase participation in already existing service ministries. Read more in Missions & Evangelism.
7. How do we approach our pastor/church staff about starting a women’s ministry?
First, pray and ask God’s direction and timing. If you continue to sense God’s leading in this area, make an appointment with the appropriate staff person to share your vision and heart for women’s ministry, along with one to two specific ideas that would help get things started. Ask your pastor or other staff leader what his vision is for the women in the church and how women’s ministry could support him in what God has called him to do at the church. Let him know you are seeking his input and response. Be submissive to the leadership of your church. The leadership provides not only the umbrella of authority, but also of protection for all the ministries in the church. The pastor and staff see the church from the bigger picture than we sometimes do as we focus on our area of ministry within the church. Wait on God’s timing if the pastor or leader who may be charged with women’s ministry is not comfortable with your proceeding at the present time. If that’s the case, continue to pray for God’s guidance.
8. How do we help women understand where they are spiritually and how God has gifted them?
Use these Spiritual Assessment Tools to guide women to understand where they are spiritually and how God has gifted them. Spiritual Growth Assessment Spiritual Gifts Survey Spiritual Gifts List Where do you feel God leading you to serve Him?
9. How do I download a digital Bible study session?
Visit Digital Download How-tos and FAQs for answers to questions about copying files, downloading tips, and copyright restrictions.
10. How do we find out about news for women from LifeWay?
LifeWay Women News & Updates is a weekly, email communication to help you stay up-to-date with ministry ideas, new resources, and life-changing events for women in your church. Sign up here www.lifeway.com/newsletters. Postal Mailing List and Information packet: You may request to be added to our postal mailing list by e-mailing Chris Adams, Women’s Ministry/Ministers’ Wives Specialist. She will send you a packet of information to help get you started.

Related posts:

1. LifeWay Women LIVE Webcast for Leaders
2. Live Webcast from Nashville next Friday
3. Mary on Chris Fabry Live

Next Tuesday, I will be joining host Chris Adams LIVE on the LifeWay Women’s Video Livestream Webcast to discuss the ministry challenges and opportunities of living in a world gone wild. Join us as we discuss how you can seize the moment to help women discover the meaning of womanhood, and live according to God’s beautiful design.

Mark the date on your calendars for Tuesday, August 10, 2010 @ 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM (CST)

Bookmark the site or sign-up for the email reminder.

Make sure and let your women’s ministry leader and ministry team know about the webcast. They won’t want to miss it!

Related posts:

1. Live Webcast from Nashville next Friday
2. Live Webcast from Nashville Tomorrow
3. Mary on Chris Fabry Live

Do you want to know how to lead “in the Moment”? In this 60-minute message, which I delivered at the 2009 LifeWay Women’s Leaders’ National Forum in Nashville last November, I challenged leaders to “Seize the Moment” in order to bring women to a point of radical commitment to the gospel, to understand the implications of the gospel for womanhood, and to be part of the quiet counter-revolution of women who love Jesus and dare to delight in God’s spectacular design.

Make sure to watch the video, and to pass the link on to your women’s ministry director and all the women on your leadership teams. It’s a “must-hear” message for anyone who ministers to women.

Download the pdf Outline: MOMENTum-Leading in the Moment

MOMENTum: Leading in the Moment from Mary Kassian on Vimeo.

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1. Leading in the Moment
2. Live Webcast from Nashville next Friday
3. Live Webcast from Nashville Tomorrow

MOMENTum. . .  Leading in the Moment
By Mary Kassian
LifeWay Women’s Leadership Forum – November 13, 2009

1.      Moment, Momentum & Movements

a. Moment from Latin momentum = movement

i. A Moment is a brief period of time

ii. A Moment can be an important or significant occasion or time (Momentous)

b. Momentum from Latin momentum = movement

i. “Momentum” is the force that keeps something moving and developing in a certain direction over time.

c. Moment > Momentum > Movement

i. A movement is a large group of people who make a collective effort to achieve or reform something.

ii. Movements are created by people who respond to moments

iii. Like the men of Issachar who understood times and knew what the people of God ought to do (1 Chronicles 12:32)

2.      The Moment that Birthed a Movement

a. Betty Friedan’s Moment & the Women’s Movement

b. The Problem

i. Women don’t have the right to dictate what womanhood is all about Isaiah 29:16; 45:9

ii. When we lose sight of biblical manhood and womanhood, we lose sight of an image of the gospel – Ephesians 5

c. Markers of that Moment

i. The moment came on the heels of massive Social Change

ii. The past formula for Women’s Happiness hadn’t delivered

iii. Undercurrent of Discontent

3.      Now is the Moment for a Movement

a. Markers in the next generation

b. Markers that mirror the Moment that launched the secular Women’s movement

i. We are on the heels of massive Social Change – Internet

ii. The past formula for Women’s Happiness hasn’t delivered

iii. There’s an undercurrent of Discontent

 4.      Seize the Moment

 a. Regard Biblical Womanhood as a primary discipleship issue

b. Establish a Scriptural/Doctrinal foundation of knowledge

c. Actively teach the biblical principles of Womanhood

d. Teach principles -don’t try to squeeze women into a specific pattern of application

e. Intentionally target the next generation

f. Add your voice to the echo chamber

g. Don’t lose focus

 

Download a pdf:   Leading in the Moment Speaking Notes

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1. Live Webcast from Nashville next Friday