The set-apart women I admire most all had one very important thing in common; they were passionately, ardently, fervently in love with Jesus Christ.  They put Jesus Christ above pleasure, riches, comforts, family, friends, and worldly applause.  And they put Jesus Christ far above their own agenda.

Amy Carmichael sacrificed her right to be married and chose instead to spend her life rescuing 1,000 children from being sold into temple prostitution in India.  Her romance with Jesus Christ far exceeded the most beautiful fairy tale ever written.

Sabina Wurmbrandt sacrificed her right to live “happily ever after” with the love of her life, Richard, when it came down to a choice between saving her husband and standing up for her first Love, Jesus Christ.  She inspired her husband to stand against those who were blaspheming Christ’s name, and as a result she and Richard were separated for ten long years.

Gladys Alyward spent all of her youth and beauty in a war-torn Chinese village – rather than pining after men – choosing service for the Kingdom of God over marriage, family and the comforts of this world.  And as a result, a hundred violent prisoners were subdued into quiet obedience, two hundred orphan’s lives were saved and thousands were pulled out of darkness into God’s marvelous light.

Catherine Booth laid down her right to a comfortable marriage and family life – not only allowing her husband to pour out his life for the destitute and dying, but serving right by his side as he did so.  She chose all-night prayer gatherings, long days trudging through slums, and attack from the modern church over a stable existence in a cute home with a white picket fence.

When I study these women’s lives, I am astounded and inspired by their level of commitment to Jesus Christ.  They didn’t just say He was their first love; they lived it.  Whether they gave up their right to be married in order to serve Christ, or gave up the “happily ever after” lifestyle they’d always dreamed of, nothing was more important than protecting the honor of their Lord and King.

So it must be with us.

The more I study the lives of great Christian women, the more I recognize that our American culture (even the Christian culture) so often convinces us that this life is all about us rather than being all about Jesus Christ.  It is my desire, by God’s grace, to make all of my decisions, choices and attitudes based on the question, “How can I honor and glorify my King in this moment?” It’s a deliberate choosing to ignore what my flesh (and this culture) constantly encourages me to do, which is to ask, “What is best for me right now?” or “What do I feel like doing?”

Being a mother of three has offered boundless opportunities to lay down my own agenda and serve others for the glory of God.  Tending to a crying newborn several times a night, and spending my best energies during the changing diapers, pouring juice, and kissing “owies” (instead of taking a nap or relaxing on the couch with a books) are a few small ways I am learning to die to self’s agenda and live a poured-out life for the glory of God.  However, I am convinced that these small victories are preparing for much greater opportunities to take up my cross and follow Him.  After all Christ said, “He who is faithful in little will also be faithful in much.”

I would encourage you to look at the challenging areas of your life.  Are there areas, even small areas, in which God wants to teach you how to lay down your own agenda, die to self, take up your cross and follow Him?  It may not seem like an exciting path at first, but it is the doorway into the fullness of all He has for you.  The heroic women of history past all had to begin living a poured-out life the small areas of their daily existence.  And because they were faithful in little, God entrusted with much.  Are we willing to follow in their footsteps?

© Leslie Ludy
www.setapartgirl.com

“Then,”replied Simpson, “You see more than some of the doctors of divinity.”

Girls, we have a coming King. The story of Jesus Christ is an incomplete picture if we stop at the manger. We must move beyond his first visit to earth, to his second coming. His Kingship can only be understood in light of his second coming. This month, we will celebrate his coming as a tender Lamb of God. But one day, he will come as the Lion of the tribe of Judah – Our King! And in this character of God, we find much of our motive. Our motive for what, you might ask. It is our motive to share the gospel and our motive to live pure lives.

Titus 2:11-14 says:

“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say ‘no’ ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope – the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ.”

Our belief in his second return should, in part, shape our lifestyle. It makes this world less attractive because we are looking forward to the New Earth that will be ruled by our King. It makes us want to talk about him and prepare others because he can’t come until everyone has heard the gospel.

I was at the last crusade that Billy Graham ever preached. Flushing Meadows, New York City. He said, “For years every time I came to New York through LaGuardia Airport, I would pass a graveyard on the way down to Times Square. I don’t know what the name of it is, but there are graveyards all over New York and those graves are going to be opened if they are people who knew Christ as their Lord and Savior. And those who are left here that are still living are going to join them. Where? In the air on our way to heaven.”

Are you ready for Christ our coming King?

© Dannah Gresh

For example, this is how my day has gone so far. I checked the news, and saw stories about a 15-year-old girl who was brutally gang-raped by by anywhere between 7 to 10 men outside of a high school while at least a dozen others stood by and watched it without interfering, and a sadist who allegedly raped, murdered, and stowed the bodies of at least 10 women in his home. Those are just the stories in CNN’s headlines–the tip of the iceberg nationally. At the same time, there are numerous local stories about child sex abuse and murder that didn’t even make the national news.
Next, I checked my Twitter feed, which carried news of many non-profit organizations (Christian and mainstream) that are working to improve the conditions of women and girls around the world. High on their list of concerns is sex trafficking and enslaved prostitutes.

I then started work by listening to a media panel about “transmedia” efforts–telling a single story across a variety of media platforms. One of the panelists spoke without shame of working with a clothing company that sponsored an interactive game about a stripper. The gamer controls the stripper’s actions, which this media expert cheerfully said allowed the player to either make the stripper engage “in the most depraved actions” or “save her.” It’s an odd sponsorship, given the fact that the sponsor’s clothes aren’t seen very often. (The clothing company wasn’t mentioned in this panel, but I wish it had been so that I would not patronize their stores or product.)
 

Listening to this panel, I wanted to scream: Why can’t we connect the dots here? Why is it that as a culture in the developing world, we put our heads in the sand and voiciferously protest there is no connection between the media we consume and our actions? Yet, other studies show that when television is introduced to new areas of developing nations, there is a measurable change in behavior. Do we think we are somehow immune to the effect of media in our own nation? Do we think we can allow people the fantasy of degrading and brutalizing others (especially women) and argue that this thought life will not eventually affect behavior?!

What can we do to change this thinking? I want to encourage each of you to become media activists. Please protest media that undermines the safety and dignity of women and girls, in particular, through social media and your wallets. Teach your children to understand that what they feast their eyes upon will become normalized to them. Let retail vendors know of your displeasure. And please support media that challenges these denigrating, dehumanizing trends by producing edifying content. I’m not arguing for cheesy, unsophisticated content in the name of being positive, but well-produced content that elevates human dignity. If we speak out, we can make a difference in the lives of the next generation of women. Media is a powerful tool to shape and change behavior. Let’s make sure it shapes and changes it in the right way. Pay attention and do your part, because media matters.

© Carolyn McCulley

But all too often, we don’t use our advantage for that cause.  Instead we sit around complaining about petty concerns and evaluating our own emotions.  We attend retreats that are all about how we can feel better about ourselves and live more fulfilled lives.  We read books about how we can somehow find the right guy.  We spend hours online frittering our time away in endless social networks.  We waste countless hours at the mall, snatching up the latest trends and trying to become more appealing to the opposite sex.  We live a life completely focused on self.  Meanwhile, children are starving, women are being prostituted, and countless families around the world are ripped apart by disease and poverty.

Remember the evil city of Sodom in the Old Testament?  The one that was destroyed by God’s fury with fire and brimstone?  Few of us are aware that God’s anger toward Sodom was for something beyond immorality.  As it says in Ezekiel:

This was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: She and her daughter had pride, fullness of food, and abundance of idleness; neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy.  (Ezekiel 16:49)

I don’t know about you, but to me that description couldn’t fit American Christianity any better.  We are proud, focused on self, consumed with our wealth and comforts, we live in an abundance of idleness and shallow pleasure, and we are indifferent to the plight of the needy around the world.  And once you see the end of Sodom, it makes you a bit uncomfortable to realize that America is on the very same path.

In the past few years, God has challenged me at a whole new level about what it means to be a living sacrifice for Him.  He has asked me to get uncomfortable by going to the least and lost around the world.  He’s awakened me to the 143 million orphans, the 27 million human slaves, and the 25,000 people who die each day from hunger.  He has led my husband and I to adopt a little girl from Korea with no fingers, and a baby boy from down the street in need of a loving home.  He’s asked us to give sacrificially of our time, energy, and resources for the destitute and dying.

I encourage you to take some time to prayerfully consider the direction and focus of your life.  What is God calling you to?  How can you practically become His hands and feet to those in need?  American mentalities train us that this life is all about our dreams, our goals, and our ambitions.  But that’s not true Christianity.  How might God be asking you to forsake all, take up your cross and follow Him?

You don’t have to be amazingly gifted or highly educated to pour your life out for Jesus Christ.  You don’t have to have been seminary educated or groomed at Bible college.  You just need a heart fully surrendered to Him.  Just this week, I talked with a twenty-eight year old single woman who has chosen to joyfully pour out her life for needy children in the foster-care system.

Gladys Aylward was an uneducated parlor maid when she set off, against the advice of the Christian system, to give her life to the people of China.  Amy Carmichael was merely one simple girl in feeble health and with very few supporters when she left it all to rescue endangered children in India.  Throughout history, simple women like these have changed the world for the Gospel.  And it was not because of them.  They were merely vessels willing to lay down everything for the Kingdom of God.  Are we willing to follow their triumphant example?

© Leslie Ludy

She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.
- Proverbs 31:14-15

The dining table was draped with a festive Christmas tablecloth, and set with fine china and crystal, but my kitchen was a wreck.

Potato peels were strewn all over the floor, the butternut squash puree decorated uncharted realms of my kitchen counters, and dirty dishes were piled precariously in the sink. I stood in the midst of it all in my stained sweatshirt, with partially applied make-up. With one eye on the clock, I was cleaning at a feverish pace. I had 30 minutes to go - those critical last moments when the kitchen slave heroically morphs into a gracious hostess.

That’s when the doorbell rang. Like a deer caught in the headlights, I surveyed my options. There was no way to pretend I was ready. “Who in the world shows up a half-hour early to a formal dinner?!” I complained aloud.

Opening the door, I saw two of my smiling guests, their breath evident in the chilly night air. Incredulous, I announced shrilly, “You’re early!”

Their eyes widened with surprise as their smiles shrank. “I’m sorry,” the man began abjectedly. “I, um, thought you said - or, um, I at least heard you say - that it started at six o’clock.”

“No, I said six-thirty!” I replied anxiously, before looking back to the living room. “I suppose you could come in now, but I’d probably put you to work first.”

“No, no - that’s okay,” he said quickly, backing down the sidewalk. “We’ll just drive around and come back in thirty minutes.”

When this couple returned (a safe forty minutes later!), they were greeted by a calm, smiling hostess in clean clothes and immediately ushered into a candlelit room to enjoy the fire by the twinkling Christmas tree. “I’m so sorry about my cranky kitchen maid - she was completely out of line,” I told them. “You just can’t get good help these days!”

Here’s the moral of the story: Don’t make your guests feel guilty when they show up at your door. It’s the opposite of hospitable. (But I bet you guessed that by now.)

If you’ve ever tried entertaining as a single woman, you’ve no doubt felt that same wave of panic moments before your guests arrive. I have yet to successfully balance mingling with my guests and getting a warm, edible meal on the table in a timely way. We often eat at the late hour that fashionable Europeans do. I keep fine-tuning the process, but there’s only so much advance prep I can do with the Bon Appetit recipes I love to cook. I’ll start the cleaning and prep even a day ahead, and still rush around at the last moment. Over the years, however, I’ve learned my priorities needed to be corrected. But when push comes to shove, we’re always better off to be gracious to the guests and cut corners on the food.

The Free-Range Gourmet

Proverbs 31:14-15 shows the effort that the virtuous woman makes to cook: “She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.” This wise woman ministers to many others from her home. She “is like the ships of the merchant” - ranging far and wide to obtain what she needs, but her focus is on her home and those who live and even serve there. It is a priority for her, so she rises while it is still dark to feed everyone.

Do you think “food from afar” is a pizza delivery? Do you ever range far and wide to find interesting items to cook - even for yourself? What does your kitchen pantry hold? A few cans of tuna and some cereal, perhaps? You may eat pre-packaged frozen meals when you are alone, but do you ever cook for others? If you were to get married in just a few months, would you have the skills to cook three meals a day every day for your family? Can you cook intuitively or do you have to rely on a recipe for most dishes?

In our microwave society, you can easily feed yourself without much effort. People eat in their cars and at their desks, but rarely at home. It’s not hard to find something to put down our throats as we run from event to event, but that’s not what we see in our wonderful role model. She’s not rummaging around the freezer looking for something to nuke and consume. She’s making an effort because the kitchen table is the heart of the home.

We shouldn’t wait until marriage is on the horizon to cultivate domesticity. In Titus 2:5, we find that older women are to train younger women to be “working at home.” This is one of Scripture’s commands to women. Period. Granted, this passage does assume that most women will be wives, but it also assumes that we need instruction to prepare for that role. We need training to love our husbands and love our children. We need to be taught how to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, and kind, as well as how to be submissive to our husbands. Single women are included in that training. We are to be trained in all aspects, even though we may not be called by God to fill those roles, immediately or ever. In that light, we’re no less exempt from the charge to be working at home than we are from the commands to be self-controlled, pure, or kind.

Home, Sweet Mission Field

Why does Scripture put this emphasis on the home for women? Why does the paragon of feminine virtue in Proverbs 31 invest so much of her time and resources into her home and its residents? Because our homes are a mission field. As Alexander Strauch, author of “The Hospitality Commands,” notes:

Lacking sacred temples or a special class of priests, the first-century Christians naturally made the home their base of operations. … Indeed, the first Christian congregations conducted all or most of their meetings in homes because they did not own buildings. This necessitated that some members of the congregation open their homes to provide places in which the church could meet. The home thus became a hub for evangelism and teaching. … For the early Christians, the home was the most natural setting for proclaiming Christ to their families, neighbors, and friends. The same is true today. If you and/or your local church are looking for ways to evangelize, opening your home is one of the best methods for reaching the lost. Most of us, however, are not using our homes as we should to reach our neighbors, friends, and relatives. Tragically, many of us don’t even know our neighbors. Yet through hospitality, we can meet our neighbors and be a lighthouse in spiritually dark neighborhoods.

In fact, our ministry through our homes is so important that women are included in all four of the major “hospitality commands” in the New Testament:

• Romans 12:13, written to all in the church at Rome, says: “Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.”
• 1 Timothy 5:9-10 is specifically written about widows who seek the charitable support of the church: “Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband, and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work.”
• Hebrews 13:2 commands all believers, “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”
• 1 Peter 4:9 was written to persecuted Christians scattered throughout Asia Minor: “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.”

Did you ever think of your home as an outpost for your church? You can use your home for a variety of ministry purposes - from inviting newcomers to lunch after the church service, to inviting your neighbors over for a Bible study, to celebrating milestones with your friends over dinner. Though it might be a little bit more work to do this as a single woman, it’s quite possible to do - and let’s not forget, it’s fun. There’s an immediate reward for hospitality in the relaxed smiles of our guests and their appreciation of our generosity.

People, Not Presentation

This Greek word in 1 Peter 4:9 for “hospitality” is philoxenos, which means “fond of guests.” Not fond of Martha Stewart ambition, a Town & Country room, or a gourmet meal. Fond of guests - even those who arrive a half-hour early! Though home design shows are everywhere on cable TV now, and our houses are getting bigger while the occupants are getting fewer, our culture is about entertainment, not hospitality. That’s why I selected the opening illustration that I did, and wrote: “If you’ve ever tried entertaining as a single woman, you’ve no doubt felt that same wave of panic moments before your guests arrive.” I suspect this is universal, but my anxiety is not due to my concern about the people coming. It’s because I’m worried about my presentation. I want the kitchen to be spotless, the candles to be lit, the flatware to be gleaming, the music to be inviting, and the aromas to be enticing. The reason I shooed my guests away that cold December evening was because I wasn’t ready for the inspection of my presentation. I was overcommitted because I wanted to impress them with an elaborate four-course meal from Bon Appetit. I wanted to entertain them, but I wasn’t acting like I was fond of them.

Cultivating a love for the home means acquiring practical skills and training so that you can intentionally make your home a mission field, not a museum nor a crash pad. If you’re single and live by yourself, this means all your ministry will be to those who live outside your house. If you’re single and have roommates, this means you minister to your roommates and to those outside your home. If you’re a parent, this means your mission field is first in your home to your children and then to those outside your home. It takes some effort and forethought to do this, especially if you’re only home a few hours out of every day. Romans 12:13 tells us to “seek to show hospitality.” The NIV translates it as “practice hospitality.” But the original Greek is better rendered “strive for” or “pursue” hospitality. Again, as the author of “The Hospitality Commands” writes:

Thus we are to actively pursue, promote, and aspire to hospitality. We are to think about it, plan for it, prepare for it, pray about it, and seek opportunities to do it. In short, the Romans 12 passage teaches that all Christians are to pursue the practice of hospitality. … Brothers and sisters, allow me to ask you the following questions. Do you eagerly pursue opportunities to practice hospitality, or is it something that you do only on holidays and during special events? Do you understand the important role that hospitality has within the Christian community? Do you see the relationship between brotherly love and hospitality? Beloved, only when we understand that the Spirit of God commands us to practice hospitality will we be adequately motivated to sacrificially open our homes to others.

If that sounds overwhelming, perhaps this little thought will encourage you: Some of the most hospitable women in Scripture were single. Consider the example of Martha and Mary. Their home in the modest village of Bethany was the site of several Bible accounts. We know of at least three occasions when Jesus visited their home - the famous account where Martha is frazzled, the time Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, and when He ate at their home just six days before His final Passover. As one commentator notes: “… after Jesus left His natural home at the age of thirty to enter upon His public ministry we do not read of Him returning to it for rest and relaxation. It was to the warm, hospitable home at Bethany to which He retired, for He loved the three who lived in it, Martha, Mary and Lazarus - in this order - which is something we do not read concerning His own brothers and sisters according to the flesh.” Another outstanding example was Lydia (Acts 16:14). She was the first European convert to Christianity, and her home was presumably the gateway to the rest of the continent.

With Just a Little Bit of Practice …

If you need encouragement to cultivate your domestic skills, let me assure you that I was no Bon Appetit afficionado in my early single years! I lived on happy hour appetizers and fast food. My cooking was so bad that my family called it “fish wads and pudding lumps” - a nickname earned after a spectacularly bad Mother’s Day meal. My apartment looked like New York City when the sanitation engineers go on strike. My home décor was early Goodwill with a touch of Target. No one around me ever talked about home and hearth, so I didn’t give my lack any particular thought.

When I became a Christian, I noticed how much effort the ladies I knew put into their homes. Candles in the bathrooms! Real linen napkins! Matching dinner dishes! I felt like an anthropologist in a foreign culture. But it inspired me to do the same. In short order, I was buying furniture and clipping recipes. After a few years, I was bold enough to even throw elegant dinner parties for my pastors and their wives, which I enjoyed doing immensely.

If you want to grow in your hospitality or domesticity skills, here are a number of practical issues you can consider:

• This is a great opportunity to pursue an “older woman” in the Titus 2 mentoring model. Consider the women around you. Whose homes do you enjoy visiting? Whose hospitality has blessed you? Ask these women to show you how they do it! Don’t be shy to ask for training. It’s honoring to these women that you want to emulate their examples.
• Start small. Have friends over for coffee or tea, and conversation. It’s not the meal you provide that makes a memory, it’s the focus on your guests. Sometimes it’s a lot easier to do that than when you don’t have an elaborate meal planned.
• If you’re not a great cook, practice.  I bet you’ll find many supportive friends who would willingly consume your practice! A great basic cookbook to have is “The Joy of Cooking.” It removes the mystery to cooking. I like “The New Basics Cookbook” for the same reason. It’s also fun to take cooking classes with your friends, especially classes about international cuisine.
• Don’t be afraid to select patterns for your daily dishes or fine china. It’s not a jinx! If the Lord gives you a husband, he might like what you already have. If not, you’ll have fun selecting a pattern together. I chose a china pattern years ago, and my friends generously gave me select pieces at various times. Now I have place settings for ten. People enjoy knowing what you collect.
• If you live with roommates, consider cooking for your household on a rotating basis. I have a set of friends who live in a townhouse they’ve nicknamed “The Abbey.” Each week, one of the ladies cooks for the rest. Though their different work schedules often prevent them from eating together, they’ve agreed to set aside Monday Family Nights as a household priority – a time when they eat together and catch up on the news of the week. They also regularly plan for hospitalities.
• If you live with your family, offer to be responsible for the family meals on certain days. My friend Mindy makes dinner once a week for her family – a blessing to her mother.
• If you’ve moved around a lot and feel like no place is home, consider buying a home. Again, it’s not a jinx! You can always sell it if you get married, and your profits will certainly bless your husband. Owning a home is usually a wise financial investment and it allows you to put down some roots and combat that lonely tumbleweed feeling. Often it is the only way you’ll be able to create a guest room, too.
• Create a memento of your guests. Some people use guest books; I take photographs. I have photo displays of most of the people who have been at my home. They are a useful diversion for my current guests when I’m caught in the kitchen!
• Let your pastors know that you are willing to host visitors. I know a single woman in Wales who has had numerous people from the States (and possibly other countries) in her home. Allyson cheerfully tours the same Welsh landmarks and tourist hotspots with most of her guests, cooks for them, and laughs lots with them. She seemingly knows everyone in my international church network because of her hospitality!
• Team up to pull off larger events. My former roommate and I used to trade off being the “kitchen slave” (our joking term) for each other’s dinner parties. Or share your resources. I once threw a formal New Year’s Eve party at one man’s house because it was large enough to accommodate everyone. He supplied the house and I supplied the party.
• Finally, don’t forget to show hospitality to those who cannot repay you, for in this way you will be emulating your Lord and following His command (Luke 14:12-14).

When I hosted that infamous Christmas dinner party, I invited three couples to thank them for their friendship and investment in my life. All three couples were members of my church, and greatly invested in the church’s ministry. Two of the men were my pastors. All three of the women were busy mothers with children ranging from pre-school to high school.  Each of them was notable for the amount of time and service they poured into other people. So I counted it a great privilege that I could invite them all over for an evening where they were served. If any thought it was odd to be invited to the home of a single woman, there was no evidence of it. All of them accepted eagerly, and remarked repeatedly that they had a great time. If any thought it was uncomfortable to seat seven people, and not an even six, at the table, they gave no indication of it. Instead, they each seemed delighted to receive hospitality - even when one couple encountered the “cranky kitchen maid”! What a joy it was to use my home to gather together these friends and co-laborers in the Kingdom for a holiday dinner.

Ladies, may we never fear odd numbers around our tables, for our Lord is always with us. And may He richly reward us as we “contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality” (Romans 12:13).

© Carolyn McCulley

Adapted from “Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with a Hope Deferred” by Carolyn McCulley.  © 2004 by Carolyn McCulley. Published by Crossway Books, Wheaton, Illinois.  Used by permission.