“We’ve come a long way, ladies,” First Lady Michelle Obama declared from the East Room of the White House. She said that while women are breaking barriers and excelling in careers their mothers and grandmothers believed were off-limits, more progress is needed to achieve true equality. “We as a nation benefit from every girl whose potential is fulfilled, from every woman whose talent is tapped.” President Obama concurred, “We will not rest until our mothers, sisters and daughters assume their rightful place as full and equal members of a secure, prosperous and just world.”

The same message resounded around the globe. Google celebrated the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day with a special Google Doodle image that transformed the “gle” in “Google” into images of women as doctors and graduates. In Britain, the UK Guardian released a provocative video starring Daniel Craig as James Bond, and narrated by Judy Dench. “We’re equals, aren’t we 007?” asks Dench as M, opening the film in voiceover, as Craig walks towards the camera. Dench launches into a bleak monologue about the state of women while Bond reappears cross-dressed in drag—as a woman.

The message is that “true equality” requires that women be treated exactly the same as men. Women will not be equal until the sexes have interchangeable roles, interchangeable jobs, interchangeable responsibilities . . . and even an interchangeable identity. Equality means interchangeablity.  The sexes will not be “equal” until a man can metaphorically “cross-dress” as a woman, and a woman as a man—until husband and wife, mother and father are superfluous terms, and the world reflects a socialist, gender-neutral 50/50 division of labor in every sphere of life.

Role interchangeability was the vision embraced by those who launched the first International Women’s Day (IWD) a hundred years ago. IWD, originally known as International Working Women’s Day, was started by German socialist, Clara Zetkin. It was an effort to unite the labor movement and provide international impetus for the spread of socialism. Zetkin wanted to harness the anger of female factory workers to force political change.

And in Russia, IWD did just that. In 1917, demonstrations marking International Women’s Day initiated the first of two revolutions that led to the collapse of Imperial Russia, the end of the Romanov dynasty, and the beginning of Communism. Lenin subsequently established IWD as a national holiday in the USSR “in commemoration of the outstanding merits of Soviet women in communistic construction.”

The new socialist order granted women more political and legal “equality” than any capitalist country, before or since. Reforms such as the right to vote and divorce were introduced within weeks. The legal concept of illegitimacy was abolished and in 1920 abortion became legal and free. Women were granted equal pay, and affirmative action ensured that they were equally represented in all professions.

Also fundamental to this process was the freeing of women from the burdens and constraints of the nuclear family. In socialist thought, the family systematically restricts and devalues the role played by women in society.Women need to be freed from the traditional roles of wife and mother in order to be equal.

The emerging utopian socialist society aimed to relieve women of their private responsibilities within the family and have the familial role traditionally filled by women provided publicly by the state. By 1919 over 90 per cent of Petrograd had access to communal restaurants, government childcare and laundry services. As Russian revolutionary Leon Trotsky said, “the revolution made a heroic effort to destroy the so called family hearth—the archaic, stuffy, and stagnant institution in which the women of the toiling classes perform the galley labor from childhood to death.”

The USSR sought to promote the equality of women by ensuring that women fulfilled the same role in society as men. The attempt failed miserably.  But the feminist movement nevertheless idealized a gender-free societal division of labor. And this precept is still popular in current culture. The message we are hearing this International Women’s Day is that women will only be equal when they assume the same roles as men. Enforcing “sameness” will uphold woman’s worth and dignity.

I beg to differ.

Men and women are equal, but different. I believe that we will see the dignity of women upheld when we embrace our God-given differences—not when we deny them. What we women need is to be women—to be the relaters, responders, mothers and nurturers that God created us to be. And we need you men to step up to the plate and be men—to be the providers, protectors and fathers that God created you to be. We need you to assume the responsibility of leadership in our homes and communities and to go to bat for women who are abused, downtrodden, oppressed, and forgotten. We don’t need women to be more like men—or men to be more like women. We need radical, counter-cultural men and women who dare to delight in God’s design.

I know that as long as we live in this sin-tainted world, women—the softer, more vulnerable sex— will suffer unjustly at the hands of sinful men. Legal protection/intervention is absolutely necessary to try to alleviate her plight. But gender-bending and role obliteration does not help our cause. It just makes matters worse. It is when men sense their responsibility to benevolently protect and provide that women will experience the dignity and respect that is their due.

Equality will not be achieved by pushing for gender-neutralization of male and female roles. Women do not need to be the same to be equal. On this International Women’s Day, I encourage you women to embrace and delight in what it means to be a woman. But more than anything, I call out to you men to step up to the plate and be men.

Related posts:

1. Men Are Weak…Women Are Machines
2. Where are the Young Men?
3. The End of Men?

The High-Heeled Stiletto of Self-Reliance - Because you’re an independent woman who knows how to make a statement!

That famous line, “I am woman, hear me roar!” captures the essence of personal pride. C.J. Mahaney’s Humility says, “Pride is when sinful human beings aspire to the status and position of God and refuse to acknowledge their dependence upon Him.” Jesus said, “Apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). Nothing. My attitude of self-sufficiency and self-reliance is an offense to my God and the reality of His empowering grace in my life. Second Corinthians 3:4-5 reminds us of where competence comes from: “Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God.” Have you been walking around in the powerfully impressive, but precariously unstable Stiletto of Self-Reliance?

The Gaudy Gladiators of Competitive Rivalry - The more outlandish the better!

Galatians 6:3-5 warns against comparing ourselves to others to fuel our self-perception: “For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor.” For each will have to bear his own load. Miriam must have been lacing up the straps to her spiritual Gaudy Gladiators when she challenged her brother, Moses. “Has The Lord indeed spoken only through Moses?” (Num. 12:2). In a spirit of rivalry, she believed she was just as deserving of power, despite what God had set up. Philippians 2:3 commands us to “do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

The Clunky Boots of Selfish Ambition - When you just need to kick people out of your way!

This is one shoe I find myself wearing with just about anything! Before you plow over another sister in Christ with the Clunky Boots of Selfish Ambition, consider Whose attitude we should emulate: “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” (Phil. 2:4-7)

The Elevated Platforms of Self-Righteousness - Because it’s so much nicer outside when you’re above everyone else!

Instead of acknowledging that it’s God, “who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light,” (Col. 1:11), the Elevated Platform of Self-Righteousness forgets that we have nothing good, righteous or pleasing to God apart from Christ. Self-righteousness tries to remove a speck from another’s eye with a plank stuck in theirs, while humility bears another’s burdens and restores in a spirit of gentleness (Matt. 7:1-5, Gal. 6:1-2)

The Casual Slip-ons of Self-Ascribed Influence - So comfortable, you’ll forget you’re even wearing them!

C.J. Mahaney defines pride as “contending for supremacy with God.” In every influence for good that you and I may have, God is the Master Conductor – we’re just His instruments.  In assuming the credit for what ultimately God alone has the power to do, we forget to ask ourselves, “What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?” (1 Cor. 4:17)  Next time you reach for the Casual Slip-Ons of Self-Ascribed Influence, remember: “In Christ Jesus, then, I have reason to be proud of my work for God. For I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me…” (Rom. 15:17)

The Unassuming Sandals of a Humble Perspective – They may not look like much on the outside, but they’ll never wear out!

“Humility is honestly assessing ourselves in light of God’s holiness and our sinfulness.” (Humility, 22). It’s when we lose focus of ourselves and fix our eyes on Jesus (Heb. 12:2) that God works in us the kind of humility to which He turns His attention. “Thus says the LORD: ‘Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool… All these things my hand has made, and so all these things came to be, declares the LORD. But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word,” (Is. 66:1-2)

Have you been wearing something out of season for a new creature in Christ? It’s time for all of us to clean out our Spiritual Shoe Closets!

Related posts:

1. The Discipline of Spiritual Discernment

Hi. My name is Katie, and I’m an approvaholic.  (This is the part where you say, “Hi, Katie”) For many of us, the need for approval is as strong and insatiable as an addiction.  While you may not call yourself an approval addict, perhaps you’re known as a people-pleaser, someone who will go to great lengths to keep everyone happy with them. But if we belong to Christ, the Bible says that we cannot live to please both people and God: “For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ” (Gal. 1:10, also check out Acts 5:29)

The culture will tell you that the best way to break from your people-pleasing path is to reclaim the real you! Take control of your life. Learn to say “no.” Indulge in the things that you want to do and “just do you.” (Sound familiar?) Ironically, an approvaholic may seem like they’re working for God and others, but the heart-motivation is often about their emotional security, their reputation, and their standing in the eyes of others. It’s not about God’s glory and obeying His Word; it’s about their own glory and others’ opinions.

An Approvaholic confuses pleasing people with honoring God.

Many of us can relate to Martha, who resentfully took on all the work she considered so important. She was so focused on getting things done the “right way” and meeting a perceived expectation that she almost missed her one real priority of knowing Jesus more and learning from Him (Luke 10:38-42). While what she was busy doing was not wrong in itself, as Jesus told her it wasn’t the one thing that was needed.

An Approvaholic seeks to validate the leading of God with the opinions of others.

The Apostle Paul probably had good reason to feel the need for validation. Before his own conversion, he was one of the early Church’s greatest enemies. In one life-changing encounter with Christ, the very people he was working to destroy became his peers. But unlike an approval addict, he didn’t seek the confirmation of other believers to validate what God had made clear to him. “But when it pleased God…to reveal His Son in me, that I might preach Him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately confer with flesh and blood, nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were apostles before me” (Galatians 1:15-17). He acted in obedience upon what God had said, without needing the approval or agreement of other people.

An Approvaholic views the opportunity to serve God as an opportunity to gain personal praise.

Judges 11 tells us the tragic story of Jephthah. Motivated by gaining the respect and approval of those that had mistreated him, he made a rash vow to the Lord that revealed his own heart: “If You will indeed deliver the people of Ammon into my hands, then it will be that whatever comes out of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the people of Ammon, shall surely be the Lord’s, and I will offer it up as a burnt offering.” (Judges 11:30-31). For Jephthah, and for the approval addict, the motivation for success wasn’t for God’s glory, it was for his own (“If You will deliver…into my hands). This is the same attitude that Paul spoke of in his letter to the Philippians when he said that, “Some indeed preach Christ even from envy and strife…from selfish ambition, not sincerely” (v. 15-16). For the Approvaholic who thirsts for people’s high opinions, even good and godly things can be distorted for self-centered motives.

An Approvaholic’s self-worth is based on their performance and motivated by pride.

At the heart of a woman who is afraid of disappointing others is the belief that she can make everyone happy with her. Underneath the fear of saying no, letting someone down or falling short of a goal, is the lie that she can fulfill people’s expectations, do things the right way or achieve outer perfection. In fact, when we boil it down to the condition of the heart, feeding the approval addiction is just another modern-day idol.

Perhaps you’ve been working for good and godly things but have been motivated by a desire other than serving the Lord. God desires “truth in the innermost parts” more than a well-executed sacrifice (Psalm 51:6, 16-17). Maybe you’ve been accepting every extra responsibility out of the belief that you’re the only person capable of fulfilling it, and forgetting that God is the one who qualifies all of us to serve Him. “Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant,” (2 Cor. 3:5-6).

So how can we overcome our addiction to approval? It begins when we humble ourselves and realize how incapable we are of perfection and how unworthy we are of praise. Ephesians 1 says that before the world was even made every believer was chosen and accepted in Christ. And because He chose You, you were made right with and accepted by God because of Christ’s work on the cross (Rom. 8:30-31). It never has, or will have, anything to do with your performance. You did nothing and can do nothing to gain his approval. Your Heavenly Father chose to set His love on you. That’s it - and that’s grace!

God is far more pleased with an obedient heart that fears Him than the pretense of having it all together. When you start living to please your Heavenly Father rather than the of the approval of others, your time, your priorities and your heart-motivation will start lining up with His will. You may not be able to meet others’ expectations, but you will be honoring God.

You don’t have to be an Approvaholic. You don’t have to live in fear of being rejected, being punished, making a mistake or not living up to some perceived expectation. The same One that has already purchased your approval before your only Judge is the very One who said, “My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:30). And in Him, you are completely – and already – accepted.

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While this alpha woman trend is celebrated by those who have swallowed the feminist/egalitarian claim that male-female roles are interchangeable, the reality is that the majority of alpha women are dissatisfied with their breadwinner status. It appears that an alpha woman married to a beta boy puts an unnatural strain on a couple’s marital and sexual relationship.

In a recent article, “What Do Alpha Women Really Want?” Judith Newman, an alpha wife and the author of You Make Me Feel Like an Unnatural Woman admits,

I’m the main breadwinner in my marriage. And now it seems I’m part of a national trend. (Although sometimes I wonder if that trend might be titled: “Women! We’re Idiots!”)

Newman cites several examples of discontented alpha women.

Elizabeth D., a computer executive in Silicon Valley, says of her husband, who holds a lower-level job: “Making more makes me resent him and feel he’s not pulling his weight and should figure out something else to pursue.”

“When my husband stopped having sex with me, he said that my haranguing him about his lack of income killed his desire,” notes Lisa R., a recently divorced publicist in Vail, Colorado.

Janice Min, the former editor of Us Weekly, who reportedly makes more than $2 million a year, wrote an article for the New York Post about what it was like living with her stay-at-home husband. She confesses that she often felt exhausted and annoyed with him.  In Min’s estimation, at least 60 percent of alpha women are perpetually annoyed about their breadwinner status.

Couples therapist, Jane Greer, Ph.D., says the reason the alpha woman-beta boy model doesn’t work very well is due to the fact that alpha women expect their increased earning power to translate into a greater share of power in the relationship:

“When a man makes a lot of money and a woman doesn’t, there may be fighting over money — the actual dollars and cents of living and how she spends it. When a woman makes a lot of money and the man doesn’t, the fight isn’t exactly over money but over power: She expects to have more of it.”

Though frustrated with the strain of being an alpha woman, Newman begrudgingly admits that she still likes being the boss:  “The thought of being Betty Draper terrifies me. I want to be Don. Out in the world in a cloud of smoke with my highball glass, brilliant ideas, and adoring throng. And the big(ish) paycheck that makes it all possible.”

Newman wants her man to be the alpha man in bed, but in every other way to joyfully assume the beta position that she has devalued and abandoned.

Despite society’s best efforts, the Alpha Woman-Beta Boy relationship model is failing. And I believe that’s because it goes against our basic created design. In the very beginning, the Lord God put the male in the garden to work. It was the man’s responsibility to be the provider for his family. That’s not to say women can’t contribute. But it does indicate that men are “wired” to bear the primary weight of that responsibility. Women aren’t.

When women are the primary breadwinners, the responsibility burdens them in a way that it doesn’t burden men. He was created to shoulder that burden willingly and gladly. But the responsibility wearies her, and she eventually becomes resentful or critical that he is content to let her carry it, that he doesn’t step up to the plate to alleviate the weight, or that he doesn’t fill the vacuum of her absence in the home.

What’s more, since our roles affect our sexual conduct, it isn’t easy for a woman to switch from being alpha in bread-winning to being beta in bed. Nor is it easy for a man to switch from being beta in bread-winning to being alpha in bed. As Newman points out, this presents a severe dilemma for alpha women. They have been taught to crave financial independence, power and control, but find that they aren’t sexually attracted to beta boys.

So what’s an alpha woman to do?

Newman suggests that you demand more help from your man, and that men ought to more joyfully embrace the beta helper role. But I suggest that you evaluate your alpha propensity to wear the pants, and take a serious look at whether you are being the woman God intended you to be. And do what is necessary to move your heart and behavior in that direction.

Because when you boil it right down, you’re not going to be satisfied with a man who’s a beta boy. Deep down, every woman wants her man to be a man. You’ll only inspire him to be a man when you buck the national trend and start acting like a woman… when you choose to stand against culture, and embrace, delight, and live according to God’s created design.

What do you think? Ought the trend toward Alpha Women and Beta Boys be titled “Women! We’re Idiots!”? (As Newman suggested) Why or why not?

Related posts:

1. Can Bad Boys be Godly Men?

At number 1, for the fourth consecutive year, is German Chancellor Angela Merkel. Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. Chairman Sheila Bair, who remains in the No. 2 spot, has presided over the orderly takeover of 77 banks so far this year. Chief Executives Indra Nooyi of PepsiCo, (No. 3), Cynthia Carroll of Anglo American,  (No. 4) and Irene Rosenfeld of Kraft Foods  (No. 6) rank among the world’s most powerful businesswomen and are tasked with steering their companies through unusually challenging times. Queen Rania of Jordan, at number 76, is the perhaps the most listened-to woman in the Middle East.

Trying to  come up with a list of the world’s most powerful women begs the question of what “power” is all about. Forbes asked nine female leaders in big business and influential nonprofits to share their reflections on “power.”  Here’s what they had to say:

• “Confidence is Power” – Lauie Ann Goldman, CEO, Spanx
• “Power is the ability to create change in the world” – Tensie Whelan, Executive Director, Rainforest Alliance
• Power is not being tied to any person or any thing. “If a deal or a relationship does not make sense, I can walk.” – Lynn Tilton, CEO, Patriarch Partners
• “Power is one’s ability to inspire positive change…to impact the global village.” – Tina Sharkey, Chariman and Global President, BabyCenter
• Power is confronting “the demons that prevent us as human beings from living up to our full potential.” – Cheryl Dorsey, MD, President, Echoing Green
• Power is about having choices. – Karen Wickre, Senior Manager of Global Communications & Public Affairs, Google.
• “I feel powerful by being able to influence others in a positive way.” – Missy Robbins, Executive Chef, A Voce Madison and A Voce Columbus
• “I do consider myself to be a powerful woman…having [a] person believe in you is very empowering.” – Deanna Kangas, CEO of Stila Cosmetics
• Power is having “the ability to change the world in powerful ways through collaborative and collective efforts.” – Linda Avey, Co[Founder and Co-President, 23and ME

Reading through the Forbes list, and the reflections of these nine “powerful” women made me think how very differently things work in the economy of God. For the Christian woman, “power” has an entirely different meaning. “Power” is not about chipping our way to the top of Forbes list. It’s all about the gospel. The gospel of Jesus Christ is “the power of God.” Paul proclaimed that he would never shrink away from proclaiming that fact. (Romans 1:16)

So what does power look like in a Christian woman’s life? It looks very, very different than the world’s idea of power. For the Christian woman, power is knowing Christ and the power of his resurrection and sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death. (Philippians 3:10) Power is not about attaining confidence, prominence, influence, having choices, being the head of a government or having a CEO position in a company. Power is living a cross-centered life. Power is dying to sin and living to righteousness. Power is laying down our lives for the sake of the gospel. Power is humility, and service, and self-sacrifice, and often involves suffering and shame.  It’s “sharing in Christ’s sufferings, becoming like him in his death.” That’s a radical thought.

So if I were to put together a list of the world’s 100 most powerful women, my list would look very different than Forbes. At the top would be my mom, who at age 81 still invites “those young folks without families” over for Sunday dinner, and who spends hours each day praying for every family member, church and government leaders, and a whole host of other things too.

Number 2 might be Ann Gill, who has been so faithful distributing her tasty homemade apple pies to those who need encouragement. She is the “Aaron” holding up the arms of many a Moses.

Number 3 could possibly be my friend Vanessa, who at age 21, quit college to stay at home to care for a mom with a brain tumor and a firefighter dad with lung cancer.

Number 4 might be the woman whose name I can’t remember right now who volunteers countless hours running the children’s Sunday school program.

Number 5 might be Carol, working with the women at the pregnancy counseling center, or Linda, who faithfully carts bag lunches downtown to feed the homeless. And then there’s Kelly, who is struggling so hard in her marriage, who refuses to do the easy thing, but is resolved to hang in there and be faithful.

Those are some of my heroes.

I wonder who would be on God’s list of “The 100 Most Powerful Women in the World?” I suspect we wouldn’t recognize many of the names. And that few, if any, would be in visible positions of “power.” After all, who is more influential–the woman in the forefront, who runs a country? Or the woman in the background, who changes its entire course by petitioning the Lord on her knees? (See Proverbs 21:1)

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that visibility and influence are, in and of themselves, negative. It’s just that we have such a skewed idea of what power is all about. And it often makes us value and aim for the totally wrong thing. I, for one, would far rather have the power of Christ’s resurrection coursing through my veins than to occupy the number one spot on Forbes list. There is far greater glory in bearing the nails of Christ’s cross than in a having a fancy title nailed to my door. Do I want power? Yes. But not the kind the world exalts. I want to exult in the power of Christ–the power of His cross. “The word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved IT is the power of God.” (1 Corinthians 1:18) To me, living a cross-centered life is what it means to be a powerful woman.

© Mary A. Kassian

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