1. Read the eighteenth point of contrast between a Wild and a Wise Thing (Pages 227-235)
2. Download and complete the Chapter Questions for Personal Reflection
3. Post your comments on the Blog

• How can you tell when someone is exerting a negative influence? What are some symptoms?
• What are some common rationalizations that women use to justify keeping the wrong company?
• Describe a time when someone had a positive influence on you. What was it about him/her that impacted you positively?
• What is the best way to exert a positive influence on others?
• What do you need to do to be more wise and less wild when it comes to the influence you accept and exert in your life?

© Mary A. Kassian

If you’ve ever had an imaginary boyfriend, a romantic fantasy with a celebrity or a mental vacation from your husband, you have struggled in your thought-life. When it comes to inner purity, our thought-lives could be compared to a playground. One moment we climb the ladder toward victory and the next we’re nudged over the edge and can’t stop the downward spiral until we’ve fallen back where we started. The more confident we feel on the swing, the higher and higher we want to escape from keeping our feet on the ground.  The faster we spin the merry-go-round, the more distorted reality becomes.

While the struggle with lust takes a different form for women, it is far from being a male-only issue.  In the book, Sex is Not The Problem (Lust Is), Joshua Harris explains that “when a woman sees a seductive ad featuring a man, she might be tempted to fantasize about him, but odds are that this temptation will be rooted in a fantasy about a relationship with him, with physical pleasure being a subset of her craving for passionate affection and emotional intimacy.” (86) The same way that visual pornography is a distortion of God’s good design for male sexuality, fantasizing is a distortion of God’s good design for female sexuality.

Sexual desire itself is God-given and good. The difference between walking in purity and being dragged by your unfulfilled longings is not whether you have these desires, but what you do with them. “It’s not lust to have a strong desire for sex. A sexual thought that pops into your mind isn’t necessarily lust, but it can quickly become lust if it’s entertained and dwelled on,” (Harris). To lust is to stir up and dwell on a desire that cannot be righteously fulfilled. As John Piper defines it, “Lust is a sexual desire that dishonors its object and disregards God.

1 Peter 2:11 tells us to “abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul.” Jesus said that when we have lust, we commit adultery in our hearts. (Matt. 5:28) And Paul describes those who live in the passion of lust as those who don’t know God (1 Thess. 4:5). The secret sin of lust has dire spiritual consequences. Harris rightly observes that there are few discouragements to a Christian’s walk with God like failing in the fight for purity. Like a futile attempt at satisfying hunger with cheap candy, you’re left with a rotting emptiness that deadens your appetite for holiness.

Romans 6:11-13 says, “So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness.” When we choose to dwell on a lustful thought, we take what God created for good and present it to sin. We spiritually commandeer what God made for His glory and use it as a tool for unrighteousness.  Romans 6 goes on to ask a sobering question: “But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death.” What can lust ever bring you but discontent, shame and a cyclical desire for more of what leaves you feeling empty? That’s not fulfillment. That’s enslavement.  But if you have been crucified with Christ, you are no longer a slave to sin but a slave of your merciful, soul-satisfying God, whose will for you is the wholeness of His sanctification (Rom. 6:21-22, 1 Thess. 4:4).  God intended for you to find complete fulfillment, joy and acceptance in His love.

At the core of the issue of habitual lust is probably a deeper issue of the heart. May I lovingly suggest to you that, for women, the problem with our thoughts is often a problem with our God?  Now we all struggle to submit our desires under the authority of Christ. But if retreating to a fantasy world is where you go when you’re tired, fed up and frustrated or feeling alone and unloved, what you are saying to your Creator – whether or not you consciously think this –is that He has somehow disappointed you. Your life was not ordered as you would have preferred it. You know He could have brought fulfillment in this area. But since He hasn’t you attempt to fulfill it your own way because you believe you’re entitled to more than He’s given.  You’re not only unsatisfied, you’re passively angry with your Creator. If your thought-life is consistently your battlefields, harnessing sexual desire may only be treating a symptom of the cause. The battle for our minds is as old as the Garden of Eden, where we, like Eve, believe that God is holding something back from us (Gen. 3:5). For true victory, and authentic obedience, we must repent of being angry with our Lord, acknowledge His authority over every part of our lives and rest in the knowledge that He is good to us (Psalm 119:68) and that He is for us (Psalm 56:9).

Along with that, there are some habits we can cultivate in our daily lives that help us walk in obedience to God and victory in our thought-lives. These suggestions are from a list by John Piper in an article entitled, “Strategies for Fighting Sexual Sin.”

• Believe that God is for you. (Psalm 84:11)
• Recognize that God’s laws are intended to protect something precious not deny something pleasant. (1 Thess. 4:3)
• Store up good things to think on. (Phil. 4:8)
• Meditate on the truth that Christ suffered agony for your purity. Fight image with image. (Titus 2:14, 1 Cor. 5:15)
• Realize that lust disables and weakens our capacity for higher spiritual joys with God. (1 Peter 2:11, Mark 4:19)

To simply stop the sin is an incomplete solution – we have to replace and fill our minds with a Greater Thought, a Better Meditation. We must turn from one source of contemplating, to completing the Person, the work and the character of Christ.  When we focus on who Jesus is and truly savor our Savior, the lure of lust will be starved out. Then, we have to preach to ourselves: “How can you stay here when you are dead to sin and alive to Christ?” (Rom. 6:2, 11)  “What will this temptation ever bring me but more shame?” (Rom. 6:21)  “I was set free to be free and by God’s Spirit will not be enslaved again,” (Gal. 5:1).

Other practical ways we can avoid lust is to be aware of those things that are triggers. For some women, specific times of the day are more of a temptation than others. Meditating on Scripture as you fall asleep will set your mind on what is pure and true. For others, certain music or chic-flicks frequently cause them to stumble.  If it’s constantly pulling you down, try a 30-day fast from the radio and movies. It sounds extreme but if you eliminate the distractions for a season you’re more likely to be in tune with the Spirit on what media can later be re-introduced without sending you on a downward spiral. And for many women it’s the romance novels. Maybe it’s time to put the Fabio-fable down and see what affect it has on your walk with God. Lastly, 2 Tim. 2:22 says that along with fleeing lust, we are to “pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” Are the people in your life a help or hindrance to purity? Are you surrounded by people that influence you to desire (physically or emotionally) things that God, in His sovereignty, has not given or do you have friends that stir you to love and good works (Heb. 10:24)? Pursue righteousness along with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart.

You’re not alone in the struggle for inner purity.  Your High Priest sympathizes with your weaknesses and just like you, was tempted in every way, but was without sin. This same Priest was the payment for every failure, every thought. Your Advocate is interceding on your behalf right now (1 John 2:1, Rom. 8:34) and He “is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy,” (Jude 24).

Therefore, sisters in Christ, because of God’s mercy “present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.” (Romans 12:1) May the Lord Jesus reign over the playground of our minds.

© Katie McCoy
www.unlockingfemininity.com

1. Read the tenth point of contrast between a Wild and a Wise Thing (Pages 135-151)
2. Download and complete the Chapter Questions for Personal Reflection
3. Post your comments on the Blog

• Which quote from the book do you think best explains why God created sex?
• Why do you think that wrongful sexual conduct is so offensive to the Lord?
• How does an unmarried woman tell the story? How does a married women tell it?
• Has this chapter caused you to think differently about sex? How do you think it will affect your sexual conduct?

© Mary A. Kassian

1. Read the seventh point of contrast between a Wild and a Wise Thing (Pages 93-108)
2. Download and complete the Chapter Questions for Personal Reflection
3. Post your comments on the Blog

• What does it mean to dress “as a prostitute?”
• How might the concept that clothing is meant to display deep and profound spiritual truths about the gospel change the way a woman dresses?
• Refer to the second paragraph on page 102. Which pitfalls about the practical question of what and what not to wear have tripped you up?
• In what way do the principles that a woman’s clothing ought to be  “becoming, decent and moderate” challenge you?

© Mary A. Kassian

Please include the following statement on any internet copy: © Mary A. Kassian, Girls Gone Wise. Visit Mary’s Website at: GirlsGoneWise.com

The highlight of the afternoon was the famous “Burn Your Bra” Freedom Trash Can. With elaborate ceremony and shouts of joy, the protesters threw away what they identified as male-promoted “instruments of torture”–high-heeled shoes, corsets, girdles, padded bras, stockings, false eyelashes, curlers, and copies of Playboy, Cosmopolitan, and Ladies Home Journal. They shouted “Freedom for Women!” and “No More Miss America” and hung a banner from the balcony reading “Women’s Liberation.”

The display marked the cultural launch of feminism—the philosophy that women have the right to define their own existence. Feminists argued that women had been wrongly defined by men as housewives and/or sex objects. They reasoned that women would find happiness, wholeness, and self-respect when they had the freedom to define themselves. And culture promptly set about giving them the power and right to do so.

Fast forward to 2010.

Last week, Miss USA released the official contestant photos of  51 pageant hopefuls. The look? Lacy black lingerie, fishnets, smudged kohl eyeliner, knee-high boots, stilettos, voluptuous cleavage, and naked flesh, the like of which have traditionally been associated with prostitutes and porn stars, not beauty queens.  The photo shoot, entitled “Waking up in Vegas,” featured steamy, seductive Playboy-like poses on a large bed and other bedroom furniture.

Rima Fakih made history as the first Arab-American to win the pageant. Besides being crowned Miss USA, she also has the dubious distinction of procuring top honors in a pole dancing competition. What’s even more startling than her lewd behavior, is that this behavior is supported by women. It’s women who uphold the right of Fakih and other contestants to break the “princess, good-girl” stereotype. According to female organizers, princess is passé – but the woman who exerts her sexual power is smart, sophisticated, and worthy of a Miss USA title.

What was once considered exploitative is now considered empowering.

How did this happen? The feminists of the past protested against the sexual objectification of women. Thus, it would appear that modern women have rejected the tenets of feminism. Ironically, however, quite the opposite is true. The raunch culture of today is due to the fact that young women have so thoroughly embraced feminist thought.

Feminism taught the new generation that:

1. Men have historically deprived women of power and freedom
2. Women need to reclaim their power and freedom
3. Women exert power and freedom by rejecting the restrictive, male-defined roles and boundaries of Judeo-Christianity
4. Women have the right to define their own behavior
5. Women have the right to define what womanhood is all about

The daughters of the feminist generation were raised on these ideas. They embraced them and took them to heart. Since sex is power, what better way for women to exert their power than through sexuality? They concluded that Girl Power is best expressed by throwing off all boundaries and becoming brazenly sexual. The Spice Girls, The Sex & the City stars, and celebrities such as Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan all modeled the idea that empowerment equals the right to be raunchy. The idea quickly caught on.

Joe Francis, the Hugh Hefner of Gen X and founder of the Girls Gone Wild porn video series, capitalized on the trend. Accompanied by his camera crews, Francis visited beaches, nightclubs, and parties across America seeking “everyday” college-age women who would flash their breasts, make out with each other, and be sexually lewd on camera in exchange for GGW-emblazoned T-shirts or hats. Francis raked in as much as forty million dollars a year from the sale of these videos. When asked why he thought thousands of young women were so eager to exhibit themselves for his cameras, so willing to objectify themselves in exchange for trucker hats and tank tops, Francis simply said: “It’s empowering. It’s freedom.”

This generation thinks that raunch equals power and freedom. Newsweek has dubbed this, “The Girls Gone Wild Effect.” Nowadays, raunchy sexuality has become the prevalent expression of a woman’s freedom and power.

Joe Francis sees the Girl-Gone-Wild phenomenon as the ultimate expression of feminism. Muzi Mei, the Carrie Bradshaw of Beijing who became a superstar by blogging about her sexual conquests, agrees. She told a reporter, “I express my freedom through sex. It’s my life, and I can do what I want.”

It’s the ultimate irony that the foundational beliefs of feminism have contributed to the increased sexual objectification and pornographication of women. Society’s thorough acceptance of feminist precepts is one of the reasons why behavior that was seen as destructive in 1968 is celebrated as desirable in 2010. When Miss America 1968 appeared in an evening gown and swimwear at the bequest of men, feminism identified her as “exploited.” But when Miss USA 2010 appears in fishnet stockings in sexy bedroom porn, and boldly rejects social convention by entering a pole dancing competition—and does so of her own choice, self-determination and exerting her right to freedom—she embraces and lives out feminism’s core tenets. Given a feminist belief system, culture has no choice but to identify her brash, immoral behavior as“empowered.”

Feminism didn’t provide the answer for woman’s happiness, wholeness, and self-identity. It’s just led us further away from the truth. Girls, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…. I think the time is ripe for a new movement—a seismic holy quake of counter-cultural men and women who dare to take God at his word, those who have the courage to stand against the popular tide, and believe and delight in God’s plan for male and female. A revolution of women embracing God’s design is the needed antidote to counter the self-deterministic feminist mindset that unwittingly justifies the Miss USA type of madness.

© Mary A. Kassian