1. Read the twelfth point of contrast between a Wild and a Wise Thing (Pages 171-179)
2. Download and complete the Chapter Questions for Personal Reflection
3. Post your comments on the Blog

• How does the image of a masked actor accurately reflect what a hypocrite is?
• Why do woman fear being “found out” for who they really are?
• Which one of the seven marks of hypocrisy do you battle with the most?
• Why do you think it’s so important to aim for true authenticity?

© Mary A. Kassian

Girl-Gone-Wild: Two-Faced
Girl-Gone-Wise:Genuine

Girl-Gone-Wild: “… with bold face she says to him, ‘I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows.’” Proverbs 7:13-14

Girl-Gone-Wise: She who walks in integrity walks securely. Proverbs 10:9*

The Proverbs 7 woman is a prime example of this kind of individual. As the story unfolds, the narrator tells us that she seizes and kisses the young man, “and with bold face she says to him, ‘I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows.’” The face she showed when she worshipped together with people at church wasn’t the same brash face she showed after church, on that back lane, hidden in the shadows. She was duplicitous. A hypocrite. Ms. Facing-both-ways.

Authenticity is another point of contrast between a Girl-Gone-Wise and a Girl-Gone-Wild. A Girl-Gone-Wise is genuine. Her public persona is congruent with her private one. The outside matches the inside-the visible matches the unseen. She is a woman of integrity. Her counterpart, the Girl-Gone-Wild, is two-faced. She wants people to think she is something that she is not. She puts on a religious face to impress, but secretly behaves in a way that is totally at odds with the faith she professes. She’s the type of girl that religiously attends Saturday-night service with her boyfriend, sings on the worship team, and then sleeps with him in the back of the car after the church parking lot has emptied.

The Proverbs 7 Wild Thing was a hypocrite. Her religious behavior was a farce. A hypocrite is a person who deliberately and habitually professes to be good when she is aware that she is not. The word itself is a transliteration of the Greek, hypokrites, which means play-actor or stage player. In ancient Greek comedies and tragedies, hypokrites wore masks. The mask was the most essential part of the hypokrite’s costume. They used them for many reasons.

The primary purpose was to show the audience certain qualities or emotions of their characters, so the audience knew if a character was happy, upset, tired, or scared. The actors were all men, so the mask was also necessary to let them play female roles. Furthermore, because the number of actors varied from one to three, they had to put on different masks in order to play more roles. The hypokrite hid behind the mask and the mask projected the necessary image. Hiding their true selves behind a mask is what hypocrites do.

The Lord despises hypocritical behavior. He says, “I cannot endure iniquity and solemn assembly.” (Isaiah 1:11-17) For Him, an unrepentant heart and religious behavior don’t mix. Do you recognize any signs of hypocrisy in your life? If you are honest, I think you’ll be able to identify some. At least I hope you do. I can certainly see some of those sins in my life. The problem is not when we fight against hypocrisy in our lives-but when we don’t. All of us have a long way to go when it comes to true authenticity.

The passage in James 4:3-8 explains that the way to combat double-mindedness is to draw near to God, to examine your life constantly for sin, and to humbly repent. “Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” A Girl-Gone-Wise is concerned about keeping the inner, hidden parts of her life just as pure as the outer, visible ones. She fights against hypocrisy in her life. She knows that the two-faced woman will be found out, but one who walks in integrity walks securely. (Proverbs 10:9)

© Mary A. Kassian

This is a pre-publication excerpt from “Girls Gone Wise in a World gone Wild,” © Mary A. Kassian to be published by Moody Publishers in 2010. All rights reserved. You are welcome to link to this post, but please do not copy and/or reproduce this copyrighted material without express written permission of Moody Publishing.

“King of the Castle” is a silly, childish game, but unfortunately, it’s a game that’s played in the lives of most adults – albeit on a much more sophisticated level.  In the grown-up game there are no physical hills… But still, people fight with one another for superiority.   Everyone wants to be “King of the Castle.”   Emotionally and psychologically we knock one another down so that we can claim the high place as our own.

Above All Others

Wanting to be “King of the Castle” is nothing new.  It is, in fact, the very desire that led to the downfall of the beautiful, mighty angel, Lucifer.  Lucifer attempted to raise his throne above all others and to arrogantly declare his independence of God (Is. 14:12-14). In essence, he told God, “You’re not the king of MY castle… I am!” Because of this conceit, Lucifer was cast from heaven.

The fallen devil then instilled in Adam and Eve the same craving that had led to his own demise.  He tempted them with the promise of god-like prominence, position, and power (Gen. 3:5).  “Why should God be the only King of the Castle around here?” he asked.  “If you eat this fruit you can be King of the Castle too!”

Sadly, humanity took the bait, and as a result, man’s entire nature was infected with pride (Rom. 1:21-23).  The devil fell under judgment because of arrogance, and he constantly entices us to fall into the same trap (1 Tim. 3:6-7). Pride was the devil’s undoing and remains the primary means by which he brings about the undoing of men and women.  That’s why we find constant warnings against pride throughout the pages of Scripture.

The Attitude of Christ

According to Proverbs, “Haughty eyes and a proud heart, the lamp of the wicked, are sin.” (21:4, ESV).  In the Old Testament, a lamp or light were common metaphors for physical life.  There was no electricity, so if a lamp in a tent went out at night, the surroundings were pitch black – reminiscent of the darkness of death.  Therefore, what this verse is saying is that the sin of pride is at the very core of a wicked person’s life.  A sinful person regards himself as King of the Castle, and attempts to throw down anyone who challenges or refutes this claim.  His own self-interest is at the core of all he says and does.

This self-centered attitude stands in marked contrast to the attitude of Christ.  Jesus was humble.  God the Father’s glory – and not his own – is what motivated his behavior.  Paul expected all followers of Christ to adopt the same mind-set:

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant…he humbled himself…(Phil. 3:3-9, ESV)

Our behavior towards others is the true test of whether we are filled with pride or humility.  In humility, Jesus set aside his own interests to serve others.  Paul encouraged us to have the same attitude.  When we humbly recognize that God alone is King, we become willing to set aside our own desires to sacrificially serve others.  Our opinions and wishes become secondary to the opinions and wishes of our heavenly Father.  The more we bow before him in humility, the less apt we are to rival and fight with others.  Humility puts an end to our futile, childish attempts to be the King of the Castle.

A Step towards Humility

Babylon was the largest, most spectacular city of the ancient world – a city of incredible beauty, wealth, and power – the “glory of kingdoms” (Isa 13:19).  But according to the Bible, the city had one major flaw:  Its rulers and people were arrogant (Jer. 50:31). In pride, the Babylonians “promoted their own honor” and “relied on their own strength” (Hab. 1:7, 11).

What about you?  Is your heart filled with pride or with humility?  C.S. Lewis once said, “If anyone would like to acquire humility, I can, I think, tell him the first step.  The first step is to realize that one is proud.  And a biggish step too.”

The following list, based on Isaiah 47:5-10, outlines some of the prideful attitudes of the Babylonians.  Take a “biggish step” towards humility by examining the list and asking God to show you whether you are guilty of these faulty attitudes.  Put a check beside any you have.  As you do, it may by helpful to think back to the last time you felt irritated with a person or situation.  Was your irritation due to the fact that you were trying to be King of the Castle?

• [ ] Self-promoting (v. 5) “Look at me…see how great I am!”
• [ ] Self-righteous (v. 6) “My actions are justified. You deserve to be treated poorly.”
• [ ] Self-assured (v. 7) “I have what it takes! I am in control!”
• [ ] Self-enamored (v. 7) “I deserve to be pampered and treated like royalty.”
• [ ] Self-indulgent (v. 8 ) “I will not deny myself pleasure or be inconvenienced.”
• [ ] Self-absorbed (v. 8 ) “My wants and desires are the most important thing.”
• [ ] Self-secure (v. 8 ) “Failure and misfortune won’t happen to me. I will get what I want.”
• [ ] Self-reliant (v. 9) “I can control and manipulate circumstances to my advantage.”
• [ ] Self-satisfied (v. 10) “I’ve got it all together – I know what I’m doing.”
• [ ] Self-determined (v. 10) “I will do what I want… I don’t care what you think!”
• [ ] Self-centered (v. 10) “It’s all about me; my feelings, my wants and my desires.”

Make a habit of examining your heart on an ongoing basis.  As the Bible says, “Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’” (1 Pet. 5:5)

© Mary A. Kassian

Permissions: You are permitted to reproduce this material on your blog or website given that you do not alter the wording in any way and that you provide the appropriate credit and a link to this website. Any printed copy or exceptions to the above must be approved by Girls Gone Wise.

Please include the following statement on any internet copy: © Mary A. Kassian, Girls Gone Wise. Visit Mary’s Website at: GirlsGoneWise.com

According to Jaksch,

The root of meekness is low self-esteem. When our self-esteem is low, we respond to the challenges of life with doubts and fears. … if you were bullied, shut up, abused, or controlled … you may well suffer from meekness. I say ’suffer’ because meekness doesn’t make you happy; it leads to an unfulfilled life….Meekness lets others rule your life… ditching meekness gives you freedom.

Jaksch, and her company of modern-day psychotherapy friends, would have us believe that meekness is spinelessness and spiritlessness – a doormat-type inclination that invites abuse.  Christian humorist J. Upton Dickson played on this common conception by joking that he was planning to start an organization for the meek called DOORMATS, an acronym for “Dependent Organization of Really Meek And Timid Souls. (Of course, being the meek man that he was, he gave up the plan when someone objected.)

In modern English, “meekness” carries the stigma of cowardly acquiescence. But the meekness of the Bible – the meekness manifested by God and given to the saints – is a strong, active, volitional, courageous attitude.

A Gentle & Meek Spirit

The word meek comes from the middle English meke and the Old Norse mjúkr meaning “soft.” The Greek adverb (prautes) denotes “a mild, gentle, friendly composure.” The adjective variously describes a soothing medicine, a gentle breeze, and a tamed colt. What do all these images have in common? They all describe great power under control. Meekness is submitting ourselves to the Lord, and curbing our natural desire to rebel, fight, have our own way, push ourselves forward, or push back.

Meekness is a disposition that is free of arrogance and pride. It is a calm, peaceful state of mind. The meek person puts up with the weakness of others, and is considerate towards them, enduring injury with great patience and without resentment, trusting in God’s goodness and control over the situation.  Those who are meek control their attitude and response towards others because they are mindful of God.

Like Christ, who did not retaliate when he was insulted, nor threaten revenge when he suffered. Instead, He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly. Meekness does not repay evil for evil. Nor does it retaliate when insulted. Meekness overcomes evil with good. Women, in particular, are to clothe themselves with “the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and meek spirit, which is so precious to God.” (See 1 Peter 2:23-3:9)

So is Mary Jaksch right? Is meek weak? Is the root of meekness low self-esteem? Is meekness giving in to fear?  Does meekness lead to unhappiness and an unfulfilled life? Should we work to ditch this disposition? Not according to Scripture. The Bible teaches that meekness contains great power. Meekness would be weakness if it meant yielding to sin. But because it stems from goodness and godliness, it is a great strength.  Paradoxically, it is when we embrace meekness and bow down that we truly walk tall.

© Mary A. Kassian

Permissions: You are permitted to reproduce this material on your blog or website given that you do not alter the wording in any way and that you provide the appropriate credit and a link to this website. Any printed copy or exceptions to the above must be approved by Girls Gone Wise.

Please include the following statement on any internet copy: © Mary A. Kassian, Girls Gone Wise. Visit Mary’s Website at: GirlsGoneWise.com

One area in where I have struggled is what femininity should look like for a single woman. Because the Lord made the woman to be a helper, the contours of biblical femininity are usually sculpted through relationships with others – as wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt. Though I am definitely a daughter, sister, and aunt, I am not (yet) a wife or mother. But I know that God created me female in his own image, and that he has given me this gift of singleness in this season of my life. These are not mutually exclusive concepts, but sometimes I still wrestle with how to express them both to the glory of God.

In late 1998, I moved to take a job as part of a church-planting ministry and to serve in a local church pastored by the pastor I met in South Africa, C.J. Mahaney. A year later, I attended a series of seminars on Titus 2 taught by his wife, Carolyn Mahaney. Through her teaching, I realized that of the seven qualities Paul urges Titus to have older women teach to younger women, only two are explicitly directed at married women and one to mothers. That leaves at least four for all women, married or single. Despite my marital status, I was to be self-controlled, pure, busy at home, and kind. That is a tall order no matter how you look at it, but it does not mean I can ignore the other three qualities. There are implications for single women in the commands to love husbands and children as well as for wives to be subject to their husbands. Based upon this passage, the following are some ways in which God has given me the grace to apply the Titus 2 virtues in my life and genuinely enjoy my femininity as a single woman.

“To love their husbands …”

Because of all the worldly junk I had imbibed on the topics of feminism and relationships, I initially read a number of books on Christian marriage. I have continued to read widely on Christian marriage, and where appropriate, I have attended seminars. I want to have a biblical view of marriage should the Lord bring that gift. But there is a practical application for my life now. I believe I can serve my married sisters best by shoring up their marriages. In our conversations and with my observations of their lives, I want to be able to help my married friends think biblically about their marriages and to think the best of their husbands. To unbelievers, I want to be prepared to explain the mystery of Christ and the church in the institution of marriage. While the world tells us we have no valid knowledge to share unless we have experienced a particular aspect of life, God’s Word equips us for wise discernment regardless of our experiences – or perhaps, in spite of them! Finally, should God bring the gift of marriage, I want to love my future husband now by developing a biblical perspective on love, marriage, and a wife’s role well before our wedding. I realize that the “wife of noble character” commended in Proverbs 31 brings her husband “good, not harm, ALL the days of her life” — days before and days after marriage. What I am sowing now in these days of my life is part of God’s design in blessing my husband – not to mention bringing glory to the Lord no matter my marital status.

“To love children …”

Whether or not we actually give birth, women are called to nurture the new life around us in various ways. Before I became a Christian, I was not very interested in children. I assumed I might have children one day, but I was oblivious to the children around me and did not care to spend any time with them. This is one area where God has made a tremendous change in my life. Over the years, I have had rich relationships with many children. The Lord has also given me evangelism opportunities with children. I have even created an informal Veggie Tales club with about a half dozen young boys in my neighborhood. They would stop by for sodas and videos, and I would share the gospel and pray with them.

Even though I do not have children of my own, I have three nieces and one nephew in whom to invest. It takes planning to be involved in their lives, but it is worth it to cultivate those relationships. Because I have vicariously experienced the thrills and sacrifices of motherhood as I have helped my sisters over the years, I have a window into that aspect of femininity. Just as importantly though, through these times together, I have developed one-on-one friendships with these small relatives of mine that I hope will flourish through the changing seasons of life ahead of us. I want to be a relevant relative of theirs, not a distant aunt. That means declining vacation opportunities with my friends to spend my vacation with my far-away nieces. That means declining social events on weekends to babysit my nearby niece and nephew or taking a day off during summer to plan a special day of adventure with them. But that also means I am the beneficiary of funny voicemail messages, elaborately drawn pictures, special “treasures” wrapped in thick layers of tissue and tape, and excited hugs when I arrive at their front doors. Somehow, it does not seem one bit like sacrifice. Perhaps these things contributed to a recent decision by one of my sisters and her husband to name me as guardian for their two daughters should they die in a mutual accident. Despite my being single, they thought I would rear their girls as close as possible to their values. Words cannot express how much that act of trust encouraged me!

“To be self-controlled …”

My greatest challenge to self-control as a single woman is in the area of speculation about men and marriage. I do not think I am alone in this. I know I am called to wait and trust, but it is so easy for me to do the opposite – to either attempt to manipulate circumstances in my favor or to complain when others are blessed in courtship or marriage. Over the years, the Lord has done much to kill the sin of self-pity in me regarding deferred hopes for marriage, and one fruit of that is that I now joyfully serve many couples as a wedding planner. But contentment can seem to come and go in my life like waves lapping the shore. Sometimes joy cascades over my soul like waves breaking on the beach. Other times joy seems to seep out of my life like the undertow of receding water. This is not the result of anything other than changing my focus: when the joy seems to be receding, I find myself critically regarding my circumstances rather than beholding the glory of God.

One specific way I do this is by “trying on” men in my mind. Judging from the conversations I have had with many single women, this is a common temptation. We tend to meet godly, attractive single men and immediately head down the path toward marriage, imagining what it would be like to court and wed this man. Having convinced ourselves that this is a possibility, we then read into his every move while hashing and re-hashing each scenario with the “girlfriend network.” A good friend of mine calls this “dating in my mind” – a priceless phrase! To exercise self-control in this area as single women is to put reasonable limits on the journaling and girlfriend conversations we have about our romantic interests. Talk has a way of making a desire an expectation, which eventually becomes a demand. In my life, I have found that I head into trouble when I record at length in my journal every interaction I have with a single man or when I am discussing this man with a broad range of friends. For me, self-control is to limit these detailed conversations to my accountability partners and to those over me in the Lord, such as my small group leader and his wife or my pastor and his wife. They know how I am weak, and they prayerfully encourage me to keep my focus where it belongs.

“To be busy at home …”

This one has been a challenge for me as a single woman since I work outside the home to support myself. I have to be intentional about scheduling time to actually be at home one or two evenings a week. That is hard in my busy church, but this Titus 2 virtue gives me a vision for the priority of it.

Then there are the domestic arts. In my twenties, I lived with piles of dirty clothes and newspapers. My house was the crash pad between outside engagements. I had no vision for domesticity. My family had a nickname for my cooking in this period: Fish wads and pudding lumps. However, after I saw a love for the home arts modeled by the women of the church, I desired to change. I practiced cooking, began hosting dinner parties, started buying home décor, and even picked out my own china pattern. That was actually a big step for me because it was hard to visit china departments without being forced to admit you don’t have a wedding date. Now God has blessed me with my own house, and I am so happy to nest there that I should check for twigs in my hair before I leave for work!

Though single women are not afforded the blessing of being busy with our families at home, we can be busy with kingdom business at home. Our homes provide places where we can pray with others, counsel others, evangelize others, and serve through hospitality. Romans 12:13 clearly says to practice hospitality – and praise God, this command does not differentiate between married and singles! No matter how our households are structured, our homes can be beacons of hope and hospitality in our neighborhoods. Just for this reason, I love to take pictures of those who have been in my home and display them with that Scripture from Romans.

The Freedom of Christ

Paul urged the Galatians to remember that “it is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” Prior to my conversion, I saw Christianity as being a burden, a confining religion with many rules and regulations. I was not equipped to see that my own sin was the greatest yoke of slavery. As we have all done since Adam and Eve, I blamed others for the oppression of sin in my life. I thought I needed to be set free from men who belittled women, from jobs that were “stuck” in the “pink ghetto” of women’s work, and from the “burdens” of traditional sexual morals. I could not see that my own self-righteousness, pride, anger, and willfulness caused greater damage to real joy than any perceived curtailment to my freedom.

When Christ ushered in his kingdom, he surprised everyone – including his own disciples – with the “opposite world” that he introduced. Everything was “backward” to the natural thinking of human beings. The greatest among us were servants. Our enemies were to be prayed for and even loved. What makes us unclean comes from inside of us, in our hearts, not from what we put on or in us. To have life everlasting, we must be born again.

It does not make sense on first reading, but the Bible promises us that God’s wisdom is foolishness to a perishing world (1 Corinthians 1:18-21). I am just most grateful that he liberated me from my futile thinking and the bondage of sin, and led me into the way everlasting.

Copyright Carolyn McCulley