It all started when I worked as a therapist at a rehabilitation hospital and observed the stark difference in the attitudes of two particular elderly patients. One was a below knee amputee. The other had an archive of ailments that rivaled the number items on a holiday grocery shopping list. She was a hemiplegic, arthritic, osteoporotic, and half blind — and that was just for starters!

But the lady with the debilitating physical condition was cheerful, while the amputee was a intolerable grump. Granted, having someone saw off half your leg isn’t all sunshine and roses, but compared to the other woman, this woman’s rehabilitation would be relatively simple. She would be fitted with a fake leg, walk out of the hospital, and be fairly functional. The other woman’s prognosis was bleak. She would be dependent, confined to a wheelchair, and would finish her days in a full-care nursing facility rather than in her home.

Their rooms were next to one another, which made the contrast between the two women all the more striking.

The drapes in the cheerful woman’s room were open to let in the light. Cards and flowers of well-wishers were displayed on every available surface. She had a constant stream of visitors. One could often hear the murmur of conversation and laughter. Nurses and therapists loved to meet this woman’s needs, for they were always greeted with a pleasant smile and an appreciative, “Thank you so much, dear!”

The grumpy old woman kept her drapes drawn. She wallowed in darkness. Visitors, when they came, rarely stayed long. Instead of laughter, one could often hear her loud, critical complaints and verbal assaults as she tore a strip off of yet another health care worker. “Thanks” was a word that wasn’t in her vocabulary. I dreaded going into her room.

It was there and then that I decided I was never going to become a grumpy old lady. And it was shortly thereafter that I heard Elisabeth Elliott speaking on the radio, and raced for a scrap of paper to write down this quote:

“It is always possible to be thankful for what is given rather than resentful over what is withheld–one attitude or the other becomes a way of life.”

The quote hung on my fridge for years.  It reminded me that gratitude isn’t just for Thanksgiving. It’s for every day. Gratitude or ingratitude becomes a way of life. My half-legged patient’s physcial condition was far better than her counterpart, but her attitude was far worse. And that made all the difference.

So today, what will it be?  It’s your choice. It’s always possible to be thankful for what is given rather than resentful over what is withheld–one attitude or the other will become a way of life.

And that’s the lesson I learned from that grumpy old lady.

—————–

Question: How has choosing gratitude made a difference in your life?

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There it was glaring out from the computer screen.  The words I never thought I would see.  I had been so confident in how God had directed me.  For a moment I could not breathe.  “We regret to inform you that…” I couldn’t read the rest of the email. The tears suddenly gushing down my face had obscured my vision. The email shattered my dreams. My heart, that desired so badly to serve God in this particular way, crumbled into pieces.

I could not understand how this had happened. I prayed so hard.  I prayed all of the right things “… God, Your will be done. God, give me a desire for the choice you want me to make, and take away all desires for the other options. God, confirm this if it is your will. God, shut the doors that I do not need to enter. God, I want this badly, but I want you more … ” He took away my desires for every option but one.  He confirmed over and over again that this was what He had for me.  He closed every door and window except for this one.

And then he closed this one.

What do you do when God breaks your heart?

The pain was so great that I couldn’t bear it alone. Somehow I found myself driving, brushing away tears as they clung to the edge of my sunglasses.  Swallowing sobs, I tried to concentrate on driving, but my only thought was, “Oh God, what now?”

I ended up at the home of a lifelong friend.  “Why,” I asked angrily, “Does God tell you something and then all of a sudden change his mind?”

“God is truth.”  She said, opening her Bible.  “Everything God tells you is truth.  Remember, He sees things different than you do. ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says the LORD.’” (Isaiah 55:8)

Why does God break our heart?

1. Because our hearts lead us astray.

I am a planner,  a card-carrying member of the list-bound masses. We are very goal oriented…. It is how we make it through the day. So when God gives us a future goal, we work toward that point as if our life depended on it (because we think it does). And somewhere along the way, the goal can become our god. And God becomes an afterthought that we occasionally ask to bless our efforts. And just like that, our hearts have led us astray. “The heart is deceitful…who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)

2. Because God is a jealous God.

Often, the goal becomes our God. We make it into an idol and organize our life in worship to it. Whether it is a relationship, career path, academic degree, status symbol, or to-do list we are determined to complete, when that goal becomes the ruling authority in our lives, it is an idol. And God is a jealous God. He wants to be number one in our hearts and lives. Because He is God – that is His right. That goal or list may be your security blanket, but it is powerless to save you from the sentence of your own sin. “You shall have no other gods before me…for I the Lord your God am a jealous God.” (Exodus 20:3-5)

3. Because God loves us.

In breaking our hearts, God is rescuing us from ourselves. God breaks our hearts, not to hurt us or because He enjoys our pain – no! God breaks our hearts when we have become so focused on some goal, rather than on Him. He breaks our heart because it is the only way He can save us from ourselves. He breaks our heart because it is the only way to remove a dream that is not His best for His daughter.  “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” (Prov. 16:9)

4. Because God is seeking a relationship.

In my limited human understanding, it seemed like God had lied. Yet Scripture makes it clear that God is incapable of lying and that everything God said is true.

So had I heard wrong? Had I misunderstood God for all these years? No…and Yes.

When I finally stopped crying, I remembered that God had set me on this path, but had not promised the endpoint. In my itty-bitty human mind, taking a path only had one outcome….reaching the goal. But God is not bound by my small-mindedness. He guided me to work toward the goal, but He never promised I would achieve it, I just assumed… “For my thoughts are not your thoughts… declares the Lord.” (Isaiah 55:8) Many times God may lead us down a certain path toward an unknown door.  We, of course, are focused solely on the door at the end of the journey.  When we reach the end, we may find that the door is locked.  God did not lie. We may be distracted by the human goal, but God was leading us toward an eternal goal – a closer relationship with Him.

Then how are we supposed to plan?

Does this mean that plans are evil and we cannot make lists?

No. It means we should not structure our lives in worship of the “Almighty List.” It means never setting a goal above God in our hearts. It means we are to make plans in humility, submitting every hope, dream and earthly goal to the Lordship of Christ. We must hold the things of this earth loosely. Our only immovable goal should be God Himself.  (James 4:13-16)

What do you do when God breaks your heart?

When God breaks your heart….hand Him the pieces.

Because He is good and trustworthy and He will always do the best thing.  God is good, and even though my dream was dead, my heart rested securely in the arms of my Savior. Looking back, I see now that God had to break my heart to remove that dream so that He could guide me to a far better dream. God was acting in my best interest, even thought it hurt. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart.” (Prov. 3:5-6)

Related posts:

1. Wise vs. Wild Contrast #1 – Heart
2. Knowing God by Name Leaders Forum
3. Heart Spring

The faith of a woman directly affects the atmosphere of her home and shapes the dynamics of her marriage.

We had a saying growing in our house. “If momma ain’t happy, there ain’t nobody happy.” With this one comical phrase we acknowledged the external impact a woman’s attitude had on those living around her. If she was pleasant and contented, the home was calm and happy. But if she was sputtering about something that really made her mad, the house was on edge and chaotic. Proverbs says, “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.” Why? Because the attitudes women have directly affect the atmosphere of their homes.

What type of environment are we creating in our homes? Our faith is being continuously influential on those around us. We can’t choose who or when our faith impacts them, but we can always choose how. How is your faith impacting your home?

The faith of a woman directly influences the direction of her children and grandchildren.

There’s no denying Rahab was a woman of great influence. Her faith in Israel’s God outshined even some of the Israelites. It was her faith that enabled her to go out on a limb and help the spies escape. It was her faith that threw the scarlet cord out her window in an effort to save her household. I don’t know about you, but I think if I knew the city walls were about to crumble I would suddenly develop an interest in camping…OUTSIDE the city limits! My stuff would be packed and I would be leaving…and I’m not so sure I would see the logic of hanging a scarlet cord outside my window in “hopes” that my house wouldn’t come toppling down with the rest of Jericho. But this is what Rahab does, and her faith is evident to all. It directly affected the nation of Israel. It eventually affected her descendent, Boaz, who is a man known for his righteousness. And ultimately, it brought a legacy of faith for the generations that came behind her to follow after (Matthew 1:5; Hebrews 11:31; James 2:25). Rahab’s faith directly influenced the direction of her children and the generations of children that followed.

The faith of a woman potentially moves a nation.

In the grand scheme of things, it is unlikely that Esther ever thought that her life would amount to much. She was an orphan. She was Jew. She was a woman. Three strikes…you know the saying. Even though she was an unlikely candidate for national fame, she did have three things going for her. She was an orphan…with a wise uncle. She was a Jew…meaning that she was part of God’s chosen people. She was a woman…and a beautiful one, to boot. And what seemed to be her pitfalls in life, turned out to be the very catalysts that propelled her to stardom: Queen of Persia.

It is evident that she had faith. She listened and obeyed the authority God had put in her life (Esther 2:20). She fasted and prayed, and called on the nation to fast and pray as well (Esther 4:16). She stepped out in faith believing in God to take an impossible situation and turn it for His people’s good (Esther 5). Her faith moved the heart of a godless king to have faith in her as well (Esther 8:8).

While it’s unlikely you or I will ever have the chance to be the Queen of Persia, we must not limit the potential our faith can have on changing a nation for Christ. The question isn’t who are you influencing. The question we must ask ourselves is HOW? How is my faith affecting those I come into contact with? In an effort to be positive influencers to the world around us, Mary Kassian offers four key ingredients that every wise woman takes to heart:

1. Choose positive and not negative influence.  In other words, in order to choose what type of influence you are becoming, discern what types of influences you are letting in to your life. 
2. Affecting Others through Strength of Character.  Peter speaks about women using their conduct as a source of impact on an unbelieving husband, “that they may be won by the conduct of their wives.” (I Peter3:1-2)
3. Judicious with Words.  Proverbs 16:23 says, “The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips.”  A woman’s speech holds great power to influence those around her.  Be wise with your words.
4. Rely on God to Effect Change. As Mary Kassian says, “A positive influencer kn ows that ultimately it is God, and not she, who effects positive change in a person’s life.  So she relies on Him and on her most potent, influential tool – prayer.”

It is true: we are all influencers. We can’t choose who we are going to influence, or when we are going to influence them. But we can always…always…choose how.

Related posts:

1. Wise vs. Wild Contrast #18: Influence
2. Book Blog 18: The Company You Keep

“Every girl has to kiss a few frogs before she meets her prince, right?” With as many opinions on dating as there are variations on ice cream, we probably all need to have a DTR (Define the Relationship) on the topic.  For some it’s a social convention and for others it’s something to “kiss goodbye.” So what’s a godly girl to do? Should we forgo filling our Friday nights? Or has God given us guidelines for dating relationships that can keep us somewhere between living in heartbreak and living in a convent? While the Bible doesn’t speak directly to dating, it has a lot to say about purity, guarding your heart and trusting God with your future. Setting healthy emotional and physical boundaries can be the difference between a break up and a break down!

Don’t Ditch the Girls: Keeping trusted friends in the loop lets others keep you accountable and gives you a clear-headed perspective from people that aren’t seeing him through rose-colored glasses. Your friends will often care enough to say what is in your best interest, even if it’s not necessarily what you want to hear. Prov. 27:6 says that the wounds from a friend are faithful while the kisses from an enemy are deceptive.  Allow the godly friends in your life to hold you accountable.

Avoid Being Alone: Being alone in a house, apartment, or dorm room is usually unwise. Situations where there’s no chance that a roommate could walk by, where your time is unaccounted for and where you are alone behind closed doors sets you up for future temptation. Even if there’s nothing inappropriate happening, ask yourself, “Does this help me walk in purity?” Plus, you’re probably building a level of intimacy that doesn’t match where the relationship actually is, or “playing house.” Where emotional boundaries are unguarded, physical boundaries are more easily blurred. Romans 13:14 commands us to “make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.”

Mind the Time: Spending too much time together and settling into the pattern of being a couple is one of the quickest ways to train wreck a potentially good relationship. You and I also have to guard the “movie screen” of our inner world – if you’re thinking and talking about him with an intensity that doesn’t match the stage of the relationship, you’re more likely to act on your emotions and not the facts.  Proverbs 19:2 says, “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.” Guard your time and thoughts against moving too fast too soon.

“Be Careful Little Lips…” What you talk about has the potential to build an emotional connection too quickly. We girls are naturally relational – when we talk, we bond. As author Ben Young explains in the book The Ten Commandments of Dating, “There is a time to be open and vulnerable but it’s not when you are just getting to know someone.” Proverbs 17:27 says “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.” If you’re in a relationship, avoid discussing your future as a couple until God reveals His plan for you both. Side note: Praying together as a couple early on can seriously escalate a relationship. Spiritual connection intensifies the level of bonding you feel, sometimes even more than physical affection. Unless you’re moving toward marriage, stick to praying in groups or with another girl.

Read the signs: Between the starry eyes and the butterflies, you may be tempted to ignore some negative character patterns. Does he show self-control over his temper? Prov. 22:24 tells us not to be friends with a man given to anger. Does he isolate you from your family and friends and compromise your boundaries or does he protect your reputation? Prov. 22:1 says that a good name is even more valuable than money. Don’t ignore the red flags!

Proceed with Caution: Like my mom told me, “There are only so many progressions that a relationship can take. The faster you begin them, the faster you progress.”  The longer you can delay even innocent PDA, the more you can build a secure friendship based on what really matters in a relationship…and not what makes you weak in the knees!  Set clear physical boundaries that are specific to your relationship and what you both need to stay pure and above reproach. Ephesians 5:3 says, “But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.” And 1 Corinthians 6:18 commands us to “flee immorality”. The challenge of pausing is much less difficult than the challenge of hitting the reverse button!

The most important principle for the Godly Girl’s Guide to Guys is to “Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (Prov. 4:23). Remember Whose you are – that you were bought with a price and are of incredible worth to Your Creator (I Cor. 6:20, 1 Peter 5:7).  And there’s no need to kiss the frogs to find your prince – Your Prince of Peace has established your steps. (Prov. 16:9)

Related posts:

1. Can Bad Boys be Godly Men?
2. Girls Gone Wise

1. Read the twelfth point of contrast between a Wild and a Wise Thing (Pages 171-179)
2. Download and complete the Chapter Questions for Personal Reflection
3. Post your comments on the Blog

• How does the image of a masked actor accurately reflect what a hypocrite is?
• Why do woman fear being “found out” for who they really are?
• Which one of the seven marks of hypocrisy do you battle with the most?
• Why do you think it’s so important to aim for true authenticity?

Related posts:

1. Book Blog 1: Have you been swept off your feet?
2. Book Blog 2: Deadened by the Drip
3. Book Blog 3: Are you a Wily Coyote?