Did you know that scientists have developed an entire classification system for snowflakes?  The facets of each crystal can contain a countless variety of dendrites, grooves, ridges, sectored plates, columns, needles, bullets, sheaths, chandelier crystals, rosettes, arrowheads, and caps. The close-up photos are stunning!

Each snowflake is a unique masterpiece. Each tiny crystal is a testimony to the genius, creativity, sheer enthusiasm, and power of the Designer who created them. Scientists say that it could snow day and night until the sun dies and still no two snowflakes would ever be precisely alike! Each one different! It’s difficult to even begin to fathom. No wonder the poet Henry David Thoreau wrote in his journal that a snowflake is the product of enthusiasm. ” How full of the creative genius s the air in which these are generated! I should hardly admire more if real stars fell and lodged on my coat.”(1)

The difference and uniqueness of each sparkling crystal is what makes snowflakes so spectacular. Their beauty is accentuated by the difference. Our Creator delights in making things according to His unique design.  That’s why snowflakes are different. That’s why male and female are different. That’s why each individual is different.

The modern-day bending, blending, and blurring of distinction between male and female is tragic – not only because it assaults the message to which gender points – but also because it negates our uniqueness.  We are different by His design – and therein lies the beauty.

(1)Henry David Thoreau, The Journal of Henry David Thoreau (Salt Lake City:  Peregrine Smith, 1984) 87-88.

Here are some photos I took this morning of my backyard “Narnia Lamp” and Stone Lady

© Mary A. Kassian

Girl-Gone-Wild: Impure & Dishonorable
Girl-Gone-Wise: Pure & Honorable

Girl-Gone-Wild: “… and kisses him.” Proverbs 7:13

Girl-Gone-Wise: She controls her body in holiness and honor, and does not wrong her brother in this. 1 Thessalonians 4:4-6*

Promiscuity and adultery also saturated Greek culture. One writer admitted, “We keep prostitutes for pleasure; we keep mistresses for the day-to-day needs of the body; we keep wives for the begetting of children and for the faithful guardianship of our homes.” There was no shame whatsoever in extra-marital relationships.

It was to new believers in this sex-crazed Roman and Greek culture that Paul wrote the following passage:

“Finally, then, brothers,  we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus.

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.

For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”

1 Thessalonians 4:1-8

The young believers in the church in Thessalonica were trying to figure out what their new faith meant. Some undoubtedly had promiscuous sexual histories and were carting around a bunch of sexual baggage. They reasoned that they ought to indulge their passions and pursue sexual pleasure, and that it was completely acceptable to do so outside the confines of marriage. Though they had accepted Christ, they still had a very ungodly perspective on sex.

Paul challenges them to bring their thinking and behavior in line with the gospel of Jesus Christ. He reminds them of 5 things the Lord wants believers to do:  1) Abstain from sexual immorality, 2) Aim for increased sexual purity, 3) Control your body in holiness and honor, 4) Don’t sexually defraud others, and 5) Don’t disregard the importance of sexual conduct.

1.  Abstain from sexual immorality

Immorality translates the Greek word porneia, from which we get our English word pornography. It means sexual unfaithfulness. It refers to any type of illicit sex that takes place outside of a (heterosexual) marriage covenant. Paul tells the believers to abstain from sexual immorality. In other words, he says, “Christians don’t sleep around outside of marriage!  Staying out of bed with someone you aren’t married to is the bare minimum, Christianity 101, baseline sexual standard for followers of Jesus. If you’ve been sleeping around, stop sleeping around. Abstain. Give it up. That’s what Jesus expects you to do.”

2. Aim for increased sexual purity

The Lord doesn’t just ask us to refrain from illicit sexual intercourse. He asks us to aspire to increasingly higher standards of sexual purity. That’s why “How far is too far” really isn’t the right question. He doesn’t want us to ask how close to immorality we can get without crossing the line. He wants our sexual conduct to become more and more holy. Paul encourages the Thessalonians to pursue sexual purity-and to “do so more and more.”

Sexual impurity is a sin that the Lord often lists alongside the sins of immorality and sensuality. The word literally means “uncleanness.” It means dirty, common, and ordinary.  Purity is the exact opposite. It means clean, uncommon, and extraordinary-set apart. As we grow in Christ, our understanding of and desire for sexual purity will also grow. It won’t happen overnight, but as we are sanctified to become more like Jesus, our sexual conduct will become increasingly clean, extraordinary, and set apart for Him. The Lord doesn’t want you to settle for dirty, common ordinary sex. He wants you to reach higher. He wants you to nudge the bar up from where it is now.  He wants you to constantly aim for increased sexual purity.

3. Control your body in holiness and honor

Sexual purity takes self-control. It requires that we don’t mindlessly follow our sexual passions, like people who don’t know God. The Lord wants us to control our sexual impulses. He wants us to intentionally rein them in and submit them to Him. He has bestowed His Holy Spirit upon us-the Spirit of power, love, and self-control-to help us discipline ourselves, and control our bodies and sexual passions in a holy and honorable way. (2Timothy 1:7)

4. Don’t Sexually Defraud Men

Paul advises the Thessalonians to ensure “that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter.” The Greek word is also translated “defraud.” It means to overreach or overstep; to go beyond. It carries the implication of selfish personal gain. Defrauding a brother is overstepping the line to take something that is not yours to take. The Girl-Gone-Wild of Proverbs 7 defrauded the young man. She seized him and kissed him when she had no right to.  His compliance or approval is inconsequential. She still wronged him. She wronged him when she overstepped God’s idea of what was appropriate. Whenever you interact with a man who is not your spouse in a way that you should only interact with your spouse, you not only sin against God, you also wrong your brother.

5. Don’t disregard the importance of sexual conduct

Sex is a big deal to God. Paul warns the new believers not to underestimate or disregard the importance of their sexual conduct. He told the believers in Corinth the same thing:

“The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body . . .Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:13-20

Wrongful sexual conduct violates your covenant relationship with Jesus. It’s serious stuff. It has serious consequences. Paul implies that it has greater consequences than other types of sin. Over my years of ministering to women, I have found this to be the case. Because sexual immorality is an assault on your womanhood, it damages you in a way that other sins do not. When you sin sexually, you sin against your own body. You fracture your God-given identity. There is always great hope in the power of Christ’s redemption. But those who engage in sexual sin dig themselves into a very deep pit from which it is often exceedingly difficult to climb out. In my experience, Satan capitalizes on sexual sin and establishes spiritual ties, footholds and strongholds that require extensive spiritual warfare to overcome. So if you haven’t wandered down the path of sexual sin, please don’t. If you have, realize that God has the power to heal, and that He will fight with you to redeem what you have lost. But realize too, that the scars will remain for some time, and that you will face battles that you would not have had to face had you remained sexually pure.

© Mary A. Kassian

This is a pre-publication excerpt from “Girls Gone Wise in a World gone Wild,” © Mary A. Kassian to be published by Moody Publishers in 2010. All rights reserved. You are welcome to link to this post, but please do not copy and/or reproduce this copyrighted material without express written permission of Moody Publishing.

Girl-Gone-Wild: Unbecoming, Indecent, Excessive
Girl-Gone-Wise:Becoming, Decent, Moderate

Girl-Gone-Wild: “And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute.” Proverbs 7:10

Girl-Gone-Wise: “Strength and dignity are her clothing.” Proverbs 31:25   She adorns herself with respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control. 1 Timothy 2:9

In his letter to Timothy, Paul encouraged these primped women to evaluate their wardrobe in light of the overall purpose of clothing. He counseled them to dress in a way that was in keeping with their Christian character, and to concentrate on what was most important. While their inner heart attitude was Paul’s primary concern, he did cite three Greek adjectives that would help them govern their choice of clothing: kosmios, aidos, and sophrosune. The English Standard Version of the Bible translates these qualifiers as “respectable,” “modest” and “self-controlled.” Other translations use a variety of other words to translate the Greek. These three terms are related and their meanings are very rich and overlap in some ways. They give us some valuable insight about what and what not to wear:

1.  Is it becoming or unbecoming? (Greek: kosmios) = “aptly arranged”

Translated: respectable, modest, suitable, proper, becoming, fitting

Kosmios is the descriptive form of the Greek noun kosmos, from which we derive our English word, cosmos-the universe. The Greeks regarded the universe to be an ordered, integrated, harmonious whole. Kosmos is the opposite of chaos. So when Paul told the women that their adornment should be kosmios, he meant that like the universe, all the parts should be aptly and harmoniously arranged with the other parts. It should be “becoming”-that is, appropriate or fitting for someone and/or something. Given the context, I believe Paul was implying that our adornment ought to be becoming on a number of different levels.

First, and foremost, your clothing ought to be becoming, congruous with, fitting to, and consistent with your character as a child of God. It needs to “match” the clothing of Christ. But it also ought to be becoming to your body type, becoming to your femininity, becoming to the other clothes you are wearing, and becoming to the occasion and place you intend to wear it. There’s a tremendous amount of guidance in that small word, becoming. There’s a “cosmic” amount, because it challenges you to evaluate your clothes, shoes, purses, make-up and hair from multiple angles, as part of the harmonious, integrated whole of your life. It challenges you to line up the seen with the unseen, and the temporal with the eternal. It challenges you to bring a cosmic perspective to bear on your every day decisions about what to wear.

I like the word Paul chose. It has enormous implications. Kosmios means that a Christian woman’s “look” ought to be consistently put-together, inside and out. This challenges those who put an undue emphasis on external appearance as well as those who neglect their personal appearance. It’s a corrective to women who dress extravagantly like the ones in Ephesus. It’s a corrective to those who dress seductively like hookers. But it’s also a corrective to those who think that “holy” means frumpy, ugly, and unfeminine. Kosmios indicates that running around in baggy jeans and T-shirts all the time is just as inappropriate as being obsessed with stylish clothing.  Kosmios means that a woman’s appearance ought to be put-together nicely. It ought to be pleasant and attractive-on the inside, and on the outside.

Say that you’re trying to decide whether to buy a certain skirt. You try it on, look in the mirror, and ask yourself, “Is this kosmios?-Is it becoming?” Most women will ask and answer that question on the superficial level of “Do I like it and does it fit?” But Paul appears to be challenging women to take the question a lot further. He wants you to consider:

• Does it fit with who I am as a child of God?
• Does it fit with Christ likeness?
• Does it fit and flatter my body?
• Does it fit and flatter my femininity?
• Does it fit my age and stage of life?
• Does it fit my wardrobe?
• Does it fit my budget?
• Does it fit my needs?
• Does it fit the occasion?
• Does it fit the place I intend to wear it?

You get the picture. It all needs to fit. All of it. If the skirt is “becoming” in all of these areas, then you might wear it. If it’s unbecoming, then you shouldn’t.

2. Is it decent or indecent? (Greek: aidos) =”with eyes downcast”

Translated: sensible, decency, shamefacedness, propriety, modesty

The second word, aidos, is based on the Greek term for shame and disgrace. The word is a blend of modesty and humility. Modesty is how it’s most often translated. Aidos means “with eyes downcast.” It’s timid respect in the presence of a superior, penitent respect toward one who has been wronged, or the diffidence of a beggar in the presence of one from whom he seeks help.  It involves a sense of deficiency, inferiority, or unworthiness.  It suggests shame, but also a corresponding sense of reverence and honor toward rightful authority. It’s the opposite of insolence, imprudence, disrespect, or audacity. Downcast eyes are the opposite of defiant eyes.

So what does it mean to dress with your eyes downcast? Does it mean that you are self-conscious? No. It means that your clothing tells the truth about the gospel. Your clothing shows the world that Jesus covers your shame and makes you decent. Your clothes cover your nakedness as adequately as the clothing of Christ covers your sin.

Dressing “with eyes downcast” means that you are humble and not defiant towards God. You choose clothes that are decent in His eyes . . . Not clothes that are provocative, seductive, and that honor nakedness. When you dress decently, you recognize that God ordained clothes to cover, and not draw attention to, naked skin. You cover up out of respect for the Him, the gospel, your Christian brothers-and out of respect for who He made you to be. Decency means you agree with the Lord about the true purpose of clothing, and set aside your self-interest to dress in a way that exalts Christ.

So in that dressing room, trying on that skirt, you need to sit, bend, and stretch in front of that mirror, and ask yourself, “Is this skirt decent? Does it do what it should do? Does it properly cover me up?  Does it showcase my underlying nakedness-or exalt the gospel of Christ?”

3.  Is it moderate or excessive? (Greek: sophrosune) = “curbing impulses”

Translated: seemly, sobriety, propriety, good sense, self-control,

discretion, moderation, appropriate, suitable

The final thing you need to ask yourself about the skirt is whether it is moderate or excessive. Paul uses the Greek word sophrosune. It means “of a sound mind, sane, in one’s senses; curbing one’s desires and impulses, self-controlled, temperate.”  The word indicates that our adornment should be reasonable and not crazy. We ought to reign in our impulses and avoid crazy extremes in fashion, hairstyles, and make-up. We also ought to avoid spending crazy amounts of money, or stuffing our closets full of crazy quantities of clothing. We ought to govern our wardrobe choices with a sense of simplicity, moderation and self-control. If the skirt is crazy extreme, crazy expensive, or if it’s crazy for you to be buying another one, then you ought to pass it up. Christian women don’t get extreme, outrageous, or exorbitant, like Sex & the City’s Carrie and her Manalo Blahnik shoes.

What Not to Wear

Understanding the purpose of clothing, and asking yourself the three questions: “Is it becoming?” “Is it decent?” and “Is it moderate?” will help you figure out how to dress. And don’t forget to include your “Helper” in the process. The Holy Spirit is an invaluable source of assistance when it comes to figuring out whether or not your appearance glorifies God. He cares about your clothes. He has a big stake in making sure you adorn your body the right way. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) If your heart is right, and you seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance, He will be your personal wardrobe consultant, and teach you what and what not to wear.

A Girl-Gone-Wise presents herself in different manner than a Girl-Gone-Wild. Her appearance doesn’t scream, “Look at me!” The way she styles her hair and does her make-up enhances her looks, but doesn’t clamor for attention. Her clothing doesn’t invite onlookers to see or imagine her nakedness. She adorns herself in a dignified, God-exalting way. Her appearance is pleasant and attractive. Proverbs 31 points out that the wise woman is “clothed in scarlet,” that “her clothing is fine linen and purple,” and that “strength and dignity are her clothing.” The implication is that everything she wears-both inside and out-is beautiful. She doesn’t dress as a prostitute, but in the way that is “proper for women who profess godliness.” (1 Timothy 2:10)

© Mary A. Kassian

This is a pre-publication excerpt from “Girls Gone Wise in a World gone Wild,” © Mary A. Kassian to be published by Moody Publishers in 2010. All rights reserved. You are welcome to link to this post, but please do not copy and/or reproduce this copyrighted material without express written permission of Moody Publishing.

It didn’t matter that my parents had repeatedly told me, “You are beautiful just the way you are!”   I spent nearly every waking moment of my life for about two years trying to make myself more appealing to the culture and to the opposite sex.  But I never seemed to actually “get there.”  No matter how much make-up I put on, I still didn’t look like the cover of Seventeen or Vogue. No matter how much I deprived myself of fries and milkshakes, my thighs never seemed to get as skinny as the girl on the Abercrombie poster. And no matter how many guys showed interest in me, there were always scores of other girls that got far more male approval than I did.

Instead of pursuing the purity, radiance and selfless nobility of a Christ-centered woman, I began pursuing the sensual standard of pop-culture.   I traded in my pursuit of true feminine beauty for the cheap counterfeit presented by society. The result was a season of misery; throwing myself at guy after guy, only to be used and carelessly discarded; tossing dignity and modesty to the wind and flaunting my body everywhere I went; exchanging wholesome conversation for profanity and crudeness; ignoring the needs of others and adopting an attitude of selfishness and rebellion; filling my mind and heart with the perverted images of Hollywood and the media. Of course, since I was a Christian, I put limits around how far I let these things go in my life. I always made sure I was a step or two ahead of my secular peers when it came to morality, but that didn’t keep me from being steeped in compromise.

From the world’s perspective, I was on the right track to becoming a desirable young woman; a woman that had forsaken the archaic, restrictive, old-fashioned ideals about feminine modesty and dignity and embraced the “empowerment” of a self-focused, sensual existence. But a couple of years into this pattern, I finally recognized how empty my life was. I had male attention-but it only led to one broken heart after the next. I had a measure of sensual beauty-but it only made me feel like a sex object. I had social status and popularity-but it made me feel fake and shallow. I had parties and entertainment-but they made me feel slimed and dirty.

When I pondered how far I’d strayed from God’s pattern and intent for true feminine beauty, I felt heavy with regret. Could my femininity ever be restored after I had spent years throwing it to the wind?

One night I knelt beside my bed, tears of remorse streaming down my cheeks. “God,” I prayed, “Forgive me for allowing my femininity to become so twisted. Restore me and shape me into the kind of girl You designed me to be. Cleanse me from the filth of the world and make me new.”

God faithfully and lovingly answered that prayer.  During the next season of my life, He began to open my eyes to His pattern for true feminine beauty.  And here is what I learned:

True beauty does not depend upon clothes, makeup, or malls. It does not come from perfect skin or an ideal figure. It’s not found in the advice of modern magazines. It can’t be seen in the glitz and glamour of Hollywood.

In 1880, Christina Rosetti wrote these words:

How beautiful are the arms, which have embraced Christ-the eyes which have gazed upon Christ, the lips which have spoken with Christ, the feet which have followed Christ. How beautiful are the hands which have worked the works of Christ, the feet which are treading in His footsteps have gone about doing good, the lips which have spread abroad His Name, the lives which have been counted for Him.

True beauty, in a nutshell, is found in a soul completely surrendered to Jesus Christ, a heart consumed by Him alone, and a life eagerly poured out for His sake. That is when our lives will sparkle with lasting feminine loveliness.  That is when we will trade the counterfeit beauty of pop-culture for a beauty that stands out among other women like a lily among thorns. (Song of Solomon 2:4)

© Leslie Ludy

The desire to be beautiful is an ageless longing… We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others…
—Stasi Eldredge

Today’s women are pursuing beauty at any cost. That’s the conclusion of a YWCA report on the consequences of America’s beauty obsession on women and girls. The report notes that American women now spend some $7 billion a year, or an average of about $100 per woman per month, on cosmetics and beauty products. Over five years, that adds up to a full year of tuition and fees at a public college. If a woman were to cut back the amount she spent on beauty products by half, and invest it into her retirement account for 10 years, she would save almost $10,000. And the money spent on cosmetic products per annum doesn’t even factor in cosmetic surgical procedures, of which there are over 10 million a year. The economics of the never-ending treadmill pursuit of beauty are staggering.

The health implications are also substantial. Over half of teenage girls use unhealthy weight control behaviors such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives. More than 80% of women overall are reported to be dissatisfied with their appearance, and almost 70% report that they are trying to lose weight. Research links a focus on physical and/or sexual attractiveness with three of the most common mental health problems of girls and women: eating disorders, low self-esteem, and depressed mood/depression.

The Beauty at Any Cost report notes that women’s interpersonal relationships are also being damaged by this relentless pursuit. Women are taught from a very young age to focus on physical and sexual attractiveness. So interpersonal problems based on issues of physical attributes and social status start young. The use of aggression and bullying has been on the rise, and “mean girls,” -those who display “relational aggression”- grow into adult women who exhibit the same behavior. These women are driven by the unhealthy belief that winning the “looks competition” will somehow get them the man, the career, or the self they desire.

The desire of women to look beautiful is not new. But according to YWCA Chief Executive, Dr. Lorraine Cole, what is new is the unrealistic standard of physical beauty which is relentlessly pushed on females, and the sheer extent to which women and girls are now willing to go to achieve this goal. She laments, “From new levels of spending on cosmetic alteration to health risks and to the emergence of a ‘mean girls’ culture, the lifelong burden of an unattainable beauty and body image is taking a terrible toll in all areas of women’s lives, from economic well-being to health to interpersonal relationships.”

What should we make of this obsessive desire of women to be beautiful? Is the pursuit of beauty wrong? I’m going to answer in a way that may surprise you: First, I would argue that the pursuit of beauty is good and right, and an integral part of our wiring, as women. It’s the way God made us. Second, I would contend that the problem is not that we pursue beauty too much, but that we don’t pursue it nearly enough.

When we consider the jaw-dropping picture painted by Scripture, it would seem that our Lord finds our desire for beauty not too strong, but too weak. We try to doll ourselves up with the earthly and the superficial and temporal, while the supernatural and eternal is offered us. “Like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased!” (to cite a favorite C.S. Lewis analogy).

It reminds me of the story that Jesus told about the pearl of great price. When a man discovered it in a field, he sold everything he had to purchase that field. When the pearl of great price caught his eye, all his other treasures seemed worthless in comparison. He joyfully gave them up to get the treasure whose beauty and value surpassed them all. But here’s the thing. Had he not caught a glimpse of the surpassing beauty of the pearl, he wouldn’t have been willing to part with his meager possessions. He couldn’t give up what was lesser until he caught sight of the greater. The reason women are so obsessed with cosmetics, creams, diets and tummy tucks, is that their hearts haven’t been gripped by a more compelling, more beautiful vision.

True womanhood-the womanhood of the Bible-is spectacularly beautiful; more beautiful than any perfectly proportioned airbrushed model in any fashion magazine. How do I know? Because it reflects the glory of God and the glory of the Gospel of Jesus Christ- and there’s nothing more beautiful than that. True womanhood, and what it represents, is so beautiful that the King of the Universe is enthralled by it (Psalm 45:11) and angels stare -amazed (1 Peter 1:12).

The Bible’s stunning vision of womanhood ought to captivate the heart of God’s daughters more than the glossy pages of the latest grocery store magazine. I hope that it attracts us so much, that we turn our attention from the earthly and superficial, and begin to pursue beauty – true beauty – at any cost.

© Mary A. Kassian

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