Let me give you an example. Genesis 1:27 says, “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Inclusive translations of the Bible substitute “human beings” or “humankind” for the word “man” and “them” for the word “him.” In an inclusive translation, the verse reads something like this: “God created humans in his own image, in the image of God he created them…”

Accurate translations use the words “man” and “him.” And far from being discriminatory, these words contain deep and astonishing truths that speak of the glory of God’s redemptive plan, and that confirm the dignity, worth, and equal status of men and women as members of the human race.

To understand Genesis 1:27, you first need to know that in Hebrew, it’s written as a three lined poem:

• God created man in his own image
• In the image of God he created him
• male and female he created them

Poems are written in characteristic patterns. (The Japanese Haiku, for example, has three lines with five syllables in the first, seven in the second, and five in the final line.) Hebrew poetry is no different. In this particular type of poem, the first line states the idea, the second line repeats the idea with the order of the key words reversed (inverted repetition), and the third line expands on the idea.

Obviously, the main point is the Divine Image. The poem heralds the stunning truth that all humans bear this image-men and women bear it equally. Since this is the general idea, what’s wrong with changing the word “man” to “humankind” and the word “him” to “them”?

In our day and age, we seldom use the word “man” to refer to the human race. We’ve been taught that it’s a discriminatory word. Most people think that using inclusive language is much better. But God very specifically named male and female, “Man” -and he did it for a very specific reason.

Male and female he created them, and he blessed them and named them Man when they were created.  Genesis 5:2

We’ve been taught that using the word “man” to refer to the human race demeans women. But a closer examination reveals that the exact opposite is true. In choosing the word “Man” as the name for male and female, God indicated that they would share a common condition for which he would provide a common answer. It actually underlines the profound unity and equality that exists between the two.

Let me explain. The Hebrew word for “man” is ‘adam. It’s closely related to the word for ground, adamah. The Hebrew word is singular in form and doesn’t refer to any particular person. It’s a collective noun that refers to all human beings. After the fall, “Adam” becomes the proper name of the first male. And much later, Jesus Christ comes as “The Last Adam” to redeem ‘adam (mankind) and bring many sons and daughters of God to glory (See 1 Cor. 15:22, 45-49).

The idea can be illustrated like this:

adamah (ground) >‘adam (Man) >Adam (First Man/Man of Dust)> Last Adam (Second Man/Man of Heaven)

The Hebrew teaches that God created “man” (singular, collective) …in the image of God he created “him” (singular, collective)… and that the singular collective includes both male and female.  In God’s eyes, the female is as much a part and expression of the collective ‘adam as the male is. If you take a moment to think about it, the implications are staggering. It means that both can trace their beginnings to the dirt of the ground. It means that both bear God’s image fully and individually. It means that God values both equally. Because both are ‘adam, both are equally represented by the first man, Adam. Both are fallen and in need of a Savior. The good news of the gospel is that both are also equally represented by the second man-the Last Adam-Jesus Christ. Both are the church he loves; the bride that he sacrificed his life to redeem.

The language is important. God chose the words for a specific reason. When God named male and female ‘adam, he had the Last Adam in mind. The fact that she, too, is ‘adam identifies and links the female to Jesus Christ – the Last Adam. So when, in order to appease modern sensibilities, translations such as the TNIV change “man” to “human beings” and “him” to “them,” they diminish the theological meaning and actually decrease the inclusiveness. If woman is not specifically identified as “man” then how can she be represented by the first man, Adam? What’s more, how can she be represented by the Second Man, the Last Adam, Jesus Christ?

We get things so very wrong when we think we can improve on the Bible’s teaching on gender or the gender language it uses. The big picture informs us that from the very beginning, God’s plan for gender has very little to do with us and very much to do with him. And we need to trust that even if we don’t fully understand them, the words, images and means he has chosen to display his glory are not only right, they are also good. Very good!

I encourage you to buck the trend of culture and delight in the gender language of Scripture. Contrary to what we’ve been told, gender language isn’t exclusive of women. Rather, it demonstrates the inclusive beauty of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the husband who gave his life to redeem his Bride – people of every tribe and nation, and every social status, and both genders.

© Mary A. Kassian

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Please include the following statement on any internet copy: © Mary A. Kassian, Girls Gone Wise. Visit Mary’s Website at: GirlsGoneWise.com

Spellbound, we pulled over to the side of the country road, rolled down our windows, and gawked at the amazing sight.

At the lower level flew the Mallard Ducks. Their V-formations were clearly distinguishable. Above them, were white Snow Geese. It was obvious that they, too, were seeking to fly in this characteristic pattern.  But at the highest altitude, flying at a tremendous speed, with the lines of their “V-s” as crisp as an Arial font, soared the majestic Canada Geese.

I’ve been reflecting on the sight all week.  What strikes me as significant is the intuitive sense of order that these birds have. And what’s more, the beauty, freedom, and benefit that the order affords. Without it, they would never be able to fly so high, so long, or so far.

Flying in “V” formation serves at least two purposes. The most important is that it helps the birds save energy and permits them to fly longer distances. Scientists believe that Canada Geese fly in a “V” because of the “drafting” effect, where the follower goose, like a cyclist in a race, benefits from the air currents passing the leader, and thus expends less energy flying. They estimate that flying in order behind a leader adds at least 70% greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.

A secondary function of the formation is to coordinate the flock’s movements, allowing the leader to quickly, efficiently communicate changes in flight speed or direction to all members of the flock.

Not all the birds in the flock take the lead.  A select group of larger, stronger males knows it is their responsibility to serve the flock by assuming this difficult position. When the lead goose gets tired, he rotates back in the wing and another lead goose flies point. The geese know whose responsibility it is to lead (and when to lead), and whose responsibility it is to follow (and when to follow).

Canada Geese flying in V formation are an apt metaphor for the power and beauty of proper authority and submission. To a Canada Goose, following a leader is the natural, right and most beneficial thing to do. Following a leader causes the birds to excel. It maximizes their capacity to fly to full potential. It enables them to be fed and protected as part of the flock. It navigates them in the right direction and ensures they reach the right destination.

In Part 1 of this series, I gave you my CliffNotes overview of 10 important Bible truths about authority.  Here they are again in point form:

1. God the Father is the ultimate authority. All authority originates from Him.
2. There is an eternal authority structure within the Godhead.
3. Authority and equality are compatible concepts.
4. Godly authority is humble, self-giving, loving, gentle, merciful, righteous and just.
5. Godly authority is delegated, not taken upon oneself. God delegates authority so that others may act in His Name, and on His behalf.
6. Every authority answers to a higher authority, and all answer to God the Father.
7. Authority can be re-delegated. (for good or evil)
8. The Purpose of Authority is:
   – To display the glory of God
   – To display the glory of the Gospel
   – To enable people to serve as God’s representatives
   - To be a channel of God’s righteousness, blessing and protection
9. Rebellion against/neglect of God’s authority (and rightful delegated authority) is sin.
10. Issues of authority and submission are at the epicenter of the cosmic battle.

We live in a culture that despises authority. It views authority as an unavoidable evil rather than an intrinsic good – a last-ditch mechanism to deal with criminals, and not something that should be part of the everyday lives of ordinary people. Outside of the parameter of government, “authority” is equated with self-exaltation, domination and abuse (and many would likewise accuse governing officials of these sins).  The prevailing attitude is that we should resist, undermine, and obliterate authority structures as much as possible to keep them from encroaching on our personal rights and freedoms. The proper boundaries of governmental authority is another whole discussion, but the point I’m making here is that people think that “authority” – in general – is a very negative thing.

Unfortunately, this attitude has also permeated the Church. Believers no longer think about authority in a positive, biblical way. But the fact that all authority belongs to God, and the fact that authority is integral in inter-Trinitarian relationships ought to – in and of itself- convince us that godly authority is right, good, necessary, beneficial, and beautiful.

The world would have us think that authority and submission are for birds. But if God’s order is a blessing for the birds, how much more so is it a blessing for those He has created in His own image? Godly authority is right. It is good. It is protective. It enables us to soar. As C.S. Lewis said, “Authority exercised with humility and obedience accepted with delight are the very lines along which our spirits live.”

———————————

[This is Part 2 of Mary's CliffNotes on Authority and Submission. Read Part 1 HERE. There are more parts to come. Next, I plan to outline the overall, general teaching of the Bible on submission.  After that, I plan to zoom in to deal with the whole issue of authority and submission in marriage. (The "S" word for women... yikes!!!)

There is method to my madness. I believe that it's important for us to have a telescopic, systematic, BIG, theological perspective on what authority and submission are all about before we can ever hope to understand the specific, microscopic application of those principles to individual marriages.  So the first few parts of my CliffNotes don't deal specifically with marriage, just with authority and submission in a general sense.

I encourage you to spend some time and energy thinking about these biblical concepts. As you do, I believe you will increasingly see that, "Authority exercised with humility and obedience accepted with delight ARE the very lines along which our spirits live."]

© Mary A. Kassian

Permissions: You are permitted to reproduce this material on your blog or website given that you do not alter the wording in any way and that you provide the appropriate credit and a link to this website. Any printed copy or exceptions to the above must be approved by Girls Gone Wise.

Please include the following statement on any internet copy: © Mary A. Kassian, Girls Gone Wise. Visit Mary’s Website at: GirlsGoneWise.com

To understand the context of his question, you need to know that we had just heard a presentation from the International Justice Mission on how their organization was seeking to curb human rights violations. In Africa, for example, women are forced to work as slaves in debtor prisons, swinging sledge hammers to crush rocks.

Anyhow, the lady beside me started snickering and extended her hand to display a big red blister in exactly the same spot. She had apparently spent the previous day – the first warm day of spring – doing the same thing as me… raking leaves in her backyard.

The entire group burst out laughing at our identical wounds and someone cackled, “They’re raking slaves!”

The man winked at me and told Brent, “Well I’m glad to see you’re keeping your wife in a subordinate position!”

He was just trying to be funny, or maybe trying to get a reaction out of me (which I didn’t give him the satisfaction of) but I must admit that the comment irked me nonetheless… Partly because it smacked of male chauvinism, (feigned, I hope), but mostly because the whole interchange reflected such stereotypical misconceptions about authority and submission. Namely, that the authority of a husband over his wife makes her his slave; that authority is inherently abusive; and that a husband has the right to force his wife to be subordinate against her will.

In order to understand how authority and submission are supposed to work in marriage, it’s important to first have an overall understanding of what biblical authority and submission are all about. Too often, we get all emotional about the “S-Word” without having a clue as to why and how submission (and more importantly, authority) function in the larger scheme of things. God’s view on authority and submission is radically different than the world’s. That’s why I’ve put together the following CliffNotes overview of the Bible’s teaching on the topic:

Mary’s CliffNotes on Authority and Submission:

Part One:  10 Biblical Truths about Authority

1. God the Father is the ultimate authority. All authority rests with Him and originates from Him.

• He is “the head of all rule and authority.” Colossians 2:10
• His is the “majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever.” Jude 25
• “My Father is greater than all” John 10:29
• “For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.” Romans 13:1
• Authority is “God appointed” Romans 13:2
• “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.” Romans 11:36

2. There is an eternal authority structure within the Godhead.

• “the Father is greater than I (Jesus)” John 14:28
• “the head of Christ is God.” 1 Corinthians 11:3
• “I (Christ) do nothing on my own authority, but speak just as the Father taught me.” John 8:28 (See also John 5:30; 12:49; 14:10)
• The Spirit…”will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak.” John 16:13
• “When the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father” John 15:26

3. Authority and equality are compatible concepts. Christ, though equal with God, is under the authority of God the Father.

• Christ Jesus “who, was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped.. but humbled himself by becoming obedient.” Philippians 2:6-8
• “Although he was a son, he learned obedience” Hebrews 5:8
• “I seek to do the will of him who sent me.” John 5:30
• “Not my will, but your will be done.” Matthew 26:39 (also Matthew 26:42; Mark 14:36; Luke 22:42)
• “He was even calling God his own Father, making himself equal with God.” John 5:7
• ”All that the Father has is mine” John 16:15

4. Godly authority is:

A. Humble (Not arrogant or puffed up)

• “Behold, your king is coming to you, humble.” Matthew 21:5
• Ungodly authorities “want to be called Benefactors” (A term used to describe gods or heroes) Luke 2:25
• Ungodly authorities “love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces and being called rabbi by others.” Matthew 23:6-7
• “Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 14:11; 18:14; Matthew 18:4; 23:12; James 4:6)
• “He has brought down the mighty from their thrones and exalted those of humble estate” Luke 1:52

B. Self-Giving (Not selfish)

• “The one who rules [is to be] like one who serves” Matthew 20:27; Luke 22:26
• “The greatest among you shall be your servant” Mark 10:43; Matthew 20:25; 23:11
• “As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” Ephesians 5:25, 2
• “But I (Jesus) am among you as the one who serves” Luke 22:27
• “God so loved the world that he gave…” John 3:16

C. Loving (Not domineering, tyrannical or dictatorial)

• His “throne will be established in steadfast love” Isaiah 16:3
• Steadfast love and faithfulness preserve the king, and by steadfast love his throne is upheld. Proverbs 20:28
• “Not domineering over those in your charge.” 1 Peter 5:3
• “Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy” 2 Corinthians 1:24
• Ungodly authorities “Lord it over them”

D. Gentle & Merciful (Not harsh)

• “His mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation.” Luke 1:50
• “Meekness and gentleness of Christ” 2 Cor. 10:1
• “I am gentle and lowly in heart “(Matt. 11:29)
• “A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not quench” Matthew 12:20
• “The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love… good to all.” Psalm 145:8-9
• The kings of the house of Israel are merciful kings.” 1 Kings 20:31

E. Righteous & Just

• “I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 9:24
• “Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne” Psalm 89:14
• “It is an abomination to kings to do evil, for the throne is established by righteousness.” Proverbs 16:12
• “The Lord sits enthroned forever; he has established his throne for justice” Psalm 9:4
• “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come. Therefore, rejoice O heavens and you who dwell in them! Revelation 12:10-12

5. Godly authority is DELEGATED, not taken upon oneself. God delegates authority so that others may act in His Name, and on His behalf.  He delegates authority to:

A.  His Son:

• Christ said, “I myself have received authority from my Father.” Revelation 2:27
• “I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father.” John 10:18
• Jesus said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.” Matthew 28:18 (Also John 17:2; Acts 2:36; John 5:27)
• “God exalted [Christ] at his right hand as Leader and Savior” Acts 5:31
• Christ was “designated by God” Hebrews 5:10
• God seated Christ at his right hand “far above all rule and authority and power and dominion.” Ephesians 1:21
• “with angels, authorities, and powers having been subjected to him. 1 Peter 3:22
• “All things have been handed over to me by my Father” Matthew 11:27

B.  Supernatural Beings:

• He gave the angels “their own position of authority” Jude 6
• “the angel who has authority over the fire” Revelation 14:18
• “another angel… having great authority” Revelation 18:1

C.  Mankind:

• “let them have dominion” “subdue the earth and have dominion” Genesis 1:26-28
• they glorified God, who had given such authority to men.” Matthew 9:8
• “You would have no authority over me at all unless it had been given you from above.” John 19:11
• “Our authority, which the Lord gave” 2 Corinthians 10:8
• “to him I will give authority over the nations” Revelation 2:26
• “God has set you on his throne as King for the Lord your God” 2 Chronicles 9:8
• “No one takes this honor for himself, but only when called by God” Hebrews 5:4

6. Every authority answers to a higher authority, and all answer to God the Father. God is greatly offended at the misuse/abuse of authority.

• “I too am a man under authority, with soldiers under me.” Matthew 8:8-9
• “Then comes the end, when he delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power…But when it says, “all things are put in subjection,” it is plain that he is excepted who put all things in subjection under him. When all things are subjected to him, then the Son himself will also be subjected to him who put all things in subjection under him, that God may be all in all.” 1 Corinthians 15:24-28
• “They are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account” Hebrews 13:17
• “Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.” James 3:1

7. Authority can be re-delegated. (for good or evil)

• “He called to him his twelve disciples and gave them authority” Matthew 10:1 (Mark 3:15; 6:7; Luke 10:19)
• “As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you.” John 10:21
• “I assign to you, as my Father assigned to me, a kingdom” Luke 22:29
• “These are of one mind, and they hand over their power and authority to the beast” Revelation 17:13
• Satan said to him, “To you I will give all this authority and their glory, for it has been delivered to me, and I give it to whom I will.” (Through the fall, mankind delivered its authority to Satan)

8. The Purpose of Authority:

A. To display the glory of God

(Authority & Submission reflect the character and nature of the Triune God)

• “So God created man in his own image; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27
• My Sons and Daughters “created for my glory” Isaiah 43:6-7
• “The Lord will arise upon you, and his glory will be seen upon you. And nations shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising” Isaiah 60:2-3
• “We all…beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord” 2 Corinthians 3:18
• “The one who speaks on his own authority seeks his own glory; but the one who seeks the glory of him who sent him is true” John 7:18

B. To display the glory of the Gospel

(Authority & submission are the foundation of the Gospel)

• “Although he was a son, he learned obedience … he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him.” Hebrews 5:8-9
• “You have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him” John 17:2
• “God exalted him … as Leader and Savior, to give repentance … and forgiveness of sins.” Acts 5:31
• “According to the command of the eternal God, to bring about the obedience of faith” Romans 16:26-27
• “The church submits to Christ… Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her … This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church.” Ephesians 5:22-33

C. To enable people to humbly and self-sacrificially serve as God’s representatives

• “the authorities are ministers of God” Romans 13:6
• Authorities are” the servant of God” Romans 13:4
• “Let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves” Luke 22:26
• “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45

D. To Be a Channel of God’s righteousness, blessing and protection

• “He has made you king over them, that you may execute justice and righteousness” 2 Chronicles 9:8
• Rulers are to “punish those who do evil and praise those who do good” 1 Peter 2:14
• The authority that the Lord has given me for building up and not for tearing down” 2 Corinthians 13:10
• The one in authority “is God’s servant for your good” Romans 13:4
• He “manages” his household well 1 Timothy 3:12
• “they are keeping watch over your souls” Hebrews 13:17
• “Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy” 2 Corinthians 1:24
• “The Master set him over his household, to give them their portion of food at the proper time” Luke 12:42
• “He who sits on the throne will shelter them with his presence. They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them, nor any scorching heat… He will guide them to springs of living water.” Revelation 7:12

9. Rebellion against/neglect of God’s authority (and rightful delegated authority) is sin.

• “You (Satan) said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to heaven; above the stars of God I will set my throne on high… I will make myself like the Most High. But you are brought down to Sheol.” Isaiah 14:13-15
• “And the angels who did not stay within their own position of authority, but left their proper dwelling, he has kept in eternal chains under gloomy darkness until the judgment of the great day… yet in like manner these people also… reject authority.” Jude 6-8
• For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Romans 8:7
• The Lord “keeps the unrighteous under punishment until the Day of Judgment, especially those who… despise authority. Bold and willful, they do not tremble…” 2 Peter 2:9-11
• “Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority.” 3 John 9
• “We have sinned and done wrong and acted wickedly and rebelled, turning aside from your commandments and rules.” Daniel 9:5
• “An evil man seeks only rebellion.” Proverbs 17:11
• “Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft and arrogance as bad as worshiping idols. So because you have rejected the command of the Lord, he has rejected you as king.” 1 Samuel 15:23
• “Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.” Romans 13:2

10. Issues of authority and submission are at the epicenter of the cosmic battle.

• “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12
• “Then comes the end, when he delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet” 1 Corinthians 15:2
• “The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ, and he shall reign forever and ever.”…”We give thanks to you, Lord God Almighty, who is and who was, for you have taken your great power and begun to reign.” Revelation 11:15-17

Read PART 2 of Mary’s CliffNotes on Authority & Submission

© Mary A. Kassian



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Please include the following statement on any internet copy: © Mary A. Kassian, Girls Gone Wise. Visit Mary’s Website at: GirlsGoneWise.com

I cut, pasted, and saved a few choice comments. Here’s a sampling:

[The True Woman manifesto is] a recipe for turning God’s beautiful, intelligent, and capable female creations into doormats. [It encourages] all women to be mindless, passive, incapable blow-up dolls doomed to a 1950s TV situation comedy existence in the suburbs.

Women are not doormats, punching bags, sex toys, cooktops or washing machines. We are individuals with a brain and any woman who follows this advice has lost her mind. And being a women (sic) with a brain, I can seperate (sic) fact from fiction and manure from the roses.

Women who would follow this crap are certifiably insane. All this does is promote exploitation and abuse of women, and if women go along with it, they just may deserve that abuse.

Any woman that would cow to such treatment has VERY low, if not worthless, self esteem issues, and should seek mental health professionals, IMMEDIATELY!!! Any husband who treats his wife as such, is not a MAN, but a selfish, emotionally-stunted-in-development, intellectually-challenged, CHILD, fixated on ego-massaging gratification, manifested in control, and domination over others – in fewer words – a real Loser !

It’s a common perception that women who believe in submission are either doormats or stupid. But I’ve believed in submission for a very long time, and I am neither. I’m a strong, opinionated, thinking woman. If you asked my friends and family to describe me, I would bet that “door mat” and “stupid” wouldn‘t appear on their lists. Forgetful, maybe (I can’t count the number of times that I’ve walked the parking lot aisles trying to remember where I left my car), but definitely not stupid.

When it comes down to it, I believe that living out biblical submission in this culture requires far more backbone and brains than acquiescing to popular reason. It’s one of the most radical, courageous, and intelligent things a Christian woman can do. Those who think that submission requires passivity, or women flicking their “brain-off” switch, simply don’t understand what biblical authority and submission are all about.

Over the next few days, I’ll provide you with a Mary’s Cliffs Notes (Or for you Canadians, Coles Notes… the guy who gave Cliff the big idea) overview of the biblical concepts of authority and submission. I think you’ll see that biblical authority is a blessing and not a bane, and that submission is the choice of the wise – and does not make women into mindless, passive, incapable blow-up dolls.

© Mary A. Kassian

Permissions: You are permitted to reproduce this material on your blog or website given that you do not alter the wording in any way and that you provide the appropriate credit and a link to this website. Any printed copy or exceptions to the above must be approved by Girls Gone Wise.

Please include the following statement on any internet copy: © Mary A. Kassian, Girls Gone Wise. Visit Mary’s Website at: GirlsGoneWise.com

One area in where I have struggled is what femininity should look like for a single woman. Because the Lord made the woman to be a helper, the contours of biblical femininity are usually sculpted through relationships with others – as wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt. Though I am definitely a daughter, sister, and aunt, I am not (yet) a wife or mother. But I know that God created me female in his own image, and that he has given me this gift of singleness in this season of my life. These are not mutually exclusive concepts, but sometimes I still wrestle with how to express them both to the glory of God.

In late 1998, I moved to take a job as part of a church-planting ministry and to serve in a local church pastored by the pastor I met in South Africa, C.J. Mahaney. A year later, I attended a series of seminars on Titus 2 taught by his wife, Carolyn Mahaney. Through her teaching, I realized that of the seven qualities Paul urges Titus to have older women teach to younger women, only two are explicitly directed at married women and one to mothers. That leaves at least four for all women, married or single. Despite my marital status, I was to be self-controlled, pure, busy at home, and kind. That is a tall order no matter how you look at it, but it does not mean I can ignore the other three qualities. There are implications for single women in the commands to love husbands and children as well as for wives to be subject to their husbands. Based upon this passage, the following are some ways in which God has given me the grace to apply the Titus 2 virtues in my life and genuinely enjoy my femininity as a single woman.

“To love their husbands …”

Because of all the worldly junk I had imbibed on the topics of feminism and relationships, I initially read a number of books on Christian marriage. I have continued to read widely on Christian marriage, and where appropriate, I have attended seminars. I want to have a biblical view of marriage should the Lord bring that gift. But there is a practical application for my life now. I believe I can serve my married sisters best by shoring up their marriages. In our conversations and with my observations of their lives, I want to be able to help my married friends think biblically about their marriages and to think the best of their husbands. To unbelievers, I want to be prepared to explain the mystery of Christ and the church in the institution of marriage. While the world tells us we have no valid knowledge to share unless we have experienced a particular aspect of life, God’s Word equips us for wise discernment regardless of our experiences – or perhaps, in spite of them! Finally, should God bring the gift of marriage, I want to love my future husband now by developing a biblical perspective on love, marriage, and a wife’s role well before our wedding. I realize that the “wife of noble character” commended in Proverbs 31 brings her husband “good, not harm, ALL the days of her life” — days before and days after marriage. What I am sowing now in these days of my life is part of God’s design in blessing my husband – not to mention bringing glory to the Lord no matter my marital status.

“To love children …”

Whether or not we actually give birth, women are called to nurture the new life around us in various ways. Before I became a Christian, I was not very interested in children. I assumed I might have children one day, but I was oblivious to the children around me and did not care to spend any time with them. This is one area where God has made a tremendous change in my life. Over the years, I have had rich relationships with many children. The Lord has also given me evangelism opportunities with children. I have even created an informal Veggie Tales club with about a half dozen young boys in my neighborhood. They would stop by for sodas and videos, and I would share the gospel and pray with them.

Even though I do not have children of my own, I have three nieces and one nephew in whom to invest. It takes planning to be involved in their lives, but it is worth it to cultivate those relationships. Because I have vicariously experienced the thrills and sacrifices of motherhood as I have helped my sisters over the years, I have a window into that aspect of femininity. Just as importantly though, through these times together, I have developed one-on-one friendships with these small relatives of mine that I hope will flourish through the changing seasons of life ahead of us. I want to be a relevant relative of theirs, not a distant aunt. That means declining vacation opportunities with my friends to spend my vacation with my far-away nieces. That means declining social events on weekends to babysit my nearby niece and nephew or taking a day off during summer to plan a special day of adventure with them. But that also means I am the beneficiary of funny voicemail messages, elaborately drawn pictures, special “treasures” wrapped in thick layers of tissue and tape, and excited hugs when I arrive at their front doors. Somehow, it does not seem one bit like sacrifice. Perhaps these things contributed to a recent decision by one of my sisters and her husband to name me as guardian for their two daughters should they die in a mutual accident. Despite my being single, they thought I would rear their girls as close as possible to their values. Words cannot express how much that act of trust encouraged me!

“To be self-controlled …”

My greatest challenge to self-control as a single woman is in the area of speculation about men and marriage. I do not think I am alone in this. I know I am called to wait and trust, but it is so easy for me to do the opposite – to either attempt to manipulate circumstances in my favor or to complain when others are blessed in courtship or marriage. Over the years, the Lord has done much to kill the sin of self-pity in me regarding deferred hopes for marriage, and one fruit of that is that I now joyfully serve many couples as a wedding planner. But contentment can seem to come and go in my life like waves lapping the shore. Sometimes joy cascades over my soul like waves breaking on the beach. Other times joy seems to seep out of my life like the undertow of receding water. This is not the result of anything other than changing my focus: when the joy seems to be receding, I find myself critically regarding my circumstances rather than beholding the glory of God.

One specific way I do this is by “trying on” men in my mind. Judging from the conversations I have had with many single women, this is a common temptation. We tend to meet godly, attractive single men and immediately head down the path toward marriage, imagining what it would be like to court and wed this man. Having convinced ourselves that this is a possibility, we then read into his every move while hashing and re-hashing each scenario with the “girlfriend network.” A good friend of mine calls this “dating in my mind” – a priceless phrase! To exercise self-control in this area as single women is to put reasonable limits on the journaling and girlfriend conversations we have about our romantic interests. Talk has a way of making a desire an expectation, which eventually becomes a demand. In my life, I have found that I head into trouble when I record at length in my journal every interaction I have with a single man or when I am discussing this man with a broad range of friends. For me, self-control is to limit these detailed conversations to my accountability partners and to those over me in the Lord, such as my small group leader and his wife or my pastor and his wife. They know how I am weak, and they prayerfully encourage me to keep my focus where it belongs.

“To be busy at home …”

This one has been a challenge for me as a single woman since I work outside the home to support myself. I have to be intentional about scheduling time to actually be at home one or two evenings a week. That is hard in my busy church, but this Titus 2 virtue gives me a vision for the priority of it.

Then there are the domestic arts. In my twenties, I lived with piles of dirty clothes and newspapers. My house was the crash pad between outside engagements. I had no vision for domesticity. My family had a nickname for my cooking in this period: Fish wads and pudding lumps. However, after I saw a love for the home arts modeled by the women of the church, I desired to change. I practiced cooking, began hosting dinner parties, started buying home décor, and even picked out my own china pattern. That was actually a big step for me because it was hard to visit china departments without being forced to admit you don’t have a wedding date. Now God has blessed me with my own house, and I am so happy to nest there that I should check for twigs in my hair before I leave for work!

Though single women are not afforded the blessing of being busy with our families at home, we can be busy with kingdom business at home. Our homes provide places where we can pray with others, counsel others, evangelize others, and serve through hospitality. Romans 12:13 clearly says to practice hospitality – and praise God, this command does not differentiate between married and singles! No matter how our households are structured, our homes can be beacons of hope and hospitality in our neighborhoods. Just for this reason, I love to take pictures of those who have been in my home and display them with that Scripture from Romans.

The Freedom of Christ

Paul urged the Galatians to remember that “it is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” Prior to my conversion, I saw Christianity as being a burden, a confining religion with many rules and regulations. I was not equipped to see that my own sin was the greatest yoke of slavery. As we have all done since Adam and Eve, I blamed others for the oppression of sin in my life. I thought I needed to be set free from men who belittled women, from jobs that were “stuck” in the “pink ghetto” of women’s work, and from the “burdens” of traditional sexual morals. I could not see that my own self-righteousness, pride, anger, and willfulness caused greater damage to real joy than any perceived curtailment to my freedom.

When Christ ushered in his kingdom, he surprised everyone – including his own disciples – with the “opposite world” that he introduced. Everything was “backward” to the natural thinking of human beings. The greatest among us were servants. Our enemies were to be prayed for and even loved. What makes us unclean comes from inside of us, in our hearts, not from what we put on or in us. To have life everlasting, we must be born again.

It does not make sense on first reading, but the Bible promises us that God’s wisdom is foolishness to a perishing world (1 Corinthians 1:18-21). I am just most grateful that he liberated me from my futile thinking and the bondage of sin, and led me into the way everlasting.

Copyright Carolyn McCulley