I admit it. The topic of woman’s appearance is trivial compared to the war on the other side of the world – but given the reality of our culture, it’s a battle that hits much closer to home.

The Debate about Female Beauty

Tim Challies, a popular Christian blogger, published his thoughts on women “letting themselves go.” While he was careful to stress that “the beauty the Bible commends is the beauty of character more than a beauty of appearance,” he suggested that inner and outer beauty are actually inexorably connected, and concluded that women need to make the effort to remain beautiful to their husbands.

Another blogger, Rachel Held Evans, was disappointed by Challies’ refrain that “outer beauty reflects inner beauty” and that “a good wife will keep up appearances for her husband choosing an attractive sweater instead of the stained Mickey Mouse t-shirt.” She argued that

The Bible never demands that women be beautiful nor does it justify a man’s infidelity because his wife “let herself go.” If anything, it presents a fairly consistent picture of beauty as a passing pleasure. Challies and company are free to teach that women should stay beautiful for their husbands, but I wish they would stop referring to this teaching as “biblical” when it is not.

The discussion surrounding this issue was intense. Challies’ and Evans’ posts attracted several hundred comments. When Mark Driscoll mentioned my “What Not to Wear” post on twitter, Girls Gone Wise got flooded with so many visits that it temporarily downed the site. Incidentally, Driscoll took a whole lot of flak, a few years ago, when he offered to take one for the guys, by decrying pastor’s wives for “letting themselves go.”

A Sensitive Issue for both Sexes

Woman’s appearance is a sensitive issue, because from a man’s perspective, a wife’s effort to be beautiful for her husband speaks of her care and respect for him, and communicates her desire to be sexually attractive and available for him. Making a reasonable effort to care for and beautify herself is a demonstration of her devotion. In his view, a lack of effort in this regard demonstrates a lack of concern for him. Bottom line – whether we like it our not, it’s important to our guys. Challies points out:

In all of these things, a woman ought to understand (and believe) that what a man finds (or ought to find) beautiful in his wife is more about care and respect and effort and availability than it is about figure and proportion. In too many cases a woman who lets herself go is simply symbolizing that she has let her marriage go. Conversely, care for herself shows her care for her husband, respect for him, love for him.

It’s even a touchier subject for women, because as Evans points out, “many are so burdened by the impossible standards imposed by our culture that they feel as though their efforts will never be enough.” Like Evans, I have never in my life met a woman who did not want to be beautiful for her husband.

When it comes to beauty, women react against the burden of expectation, the fear that they will fall short of the desired standard, the inevitability of decay, and the resentment that the script is different for men than women. A woman wants to be loved and accepted as she is. From a wife’s perspective, a husband’s attraction to/desire for beauty can magnify her feelings of personal inadequacy and insecurity, and she may fear that his love/acceptance depends on her ability to measure up.

Approaching the Discussion from a Different Angle

So who is right—Challies or Evans? Was Driscoll entirely off base in suggesting that it might negatively affect a pastor if his wife lets herself go? Or were his critics misguided in insisting that a woman’s lack of attention to her appearance should in no way impact her husband’s propensity to stray?

The stalemate in the discussion often boils down to the fact that women resent the fact that men are so attracted to beauty, while men resent the fact that women don’t make the effort to properly attend to it. So how do we resolve the impasse? In my opinion, we can’t hope to make sense of the question until we view woman’s beauty and beautification through the lens of the biblical typology of gender, and the eternal, cosmic meaning of sexuality.

Beauty has a Cosmic Meaning

Psalm 45 is a song celebrating the marriage of a Hebrew king to a foreign princess. But it’s also a messianic prophecy pointing to the relationship between Christ the King and His Church-Bride. The Psalmist notes that the king “desires her beauty”, and that the princess, in turn, makes herself beautiful—“all-glorious”— for him.

Scripture uses this imagery to illustrate how we are to make ourselves beautiful for our King. The Lord wants us to clothe ourselves in fine, spotless garments of righteousness—in holy character and holy deeds. (Rev. 19:7—8) He wants us to be beautiful, and through Jesus, we are!  The great story of the gospel is that God gives us the opportunity to clothe ourselves in the beauty of Christ. He provides the beauty- and we don’t need to work or strive to measure up, nor do we need fear that we will fail to meet the standard.

So what does all this have to do with our discussion about female appearance? It has a great deal to do with it. We live—as C.S. Lewis coined it—in the “shadow lands.” The earthly, physical realities of our lives are but shadows—copies—of true and heavenly realities (e.g. Heb. 8:5; 9:24-25). The physical and temporal exist to point us to the spiritual and eternal. And nowhere is this more the case than in the relationship between male and female.

Human sexuality is a parable —a testimony to the character of God and to His spectacular plan of redemption through Jesus. This spiritual truth is so magnificent that God chose to put it on display permanently. Everywhere. Men were created to reflect the strength, love and self-sacrifice of Christ. Women were created to reflect the grace and beauty of the Bride He redeemed.

I believe that men are “wired” to be attracted to beauty in women because our Heavenly Bridegroom desires the beauty of His Bride. And I believe that deep down, every woman wants to feel beautiful and desired. This is the way that God has created us as male and female—and the illustration points to something far bigger than ourselves.

Beauty is More Than a Passing Pleasure

Many scorn beauty as “a passing pleasure.” They think that the illusive, fragile, fading, temporary, and wrinkle-and-stretch-mark-prone nature of female beauty indicates that men (and women) should just “get over it” and focus on more important things.

Beauty is indeed a passing pleasure. But I think there’s a deeper meaning here that we dare not trivialize. The symbolic importance of beauty/beautification is not unlike the symbolic importance of marriage. Woman’s beauty, and all the broken, distorted ideas about it, will not so much pass, as give way—in the end—to that to which beauty points. There will be no marriage in heaven because the shadow will give way to the reality. Likewise, the illusive, fading, temporary beauty of women will one day give way to the breathtaking, spectacular, eternal beauty of the Bride of Christ.

The gospel doesn’t negate man’s desire to enjoy beauty and woman’s desire to be beautiful, but it does shift the focus of our attention beyond the symbol to that to which it points. When we consider the jaw-dropping picture painted by Scripture, it would seem that our Lord finds our desire for beauty not too strong, but too weak. We get all wrapped up with the earthly and the superficial and temporal, while the supernatural and eternal is offered us. Like an ignorant tourist who spreads out his towel under the picture of the umbrella on the sign, because he does not know that the sign points to the beach. We are far too easily pleased. (Again, a favorite C. S. Lewis thought)

Embracing Beauty

Followers of Christ know that the symbol is not even fractionally as important as the reality. But they understand that it is not totally unimportant either.

So girls, let’s give the guys a break. Let’s stop condemning them for feeling attracted to beauty and wanting us to make a reasonable and sustained effort in that department. And guys… give us a break. Please understand how very personal and painful this issue can be for women. It’s very difficult to stay engaged in fighting a battle we know we are destined to lose. The beauty of our youth will inevitably fade. And most of us don’t have a hope of even remotely resembling the airbrushed model on the cover of the magazine.

And let’s always remember that the whole issue of female beauty is merely a signpost. It’s reminder to all of us—male and female—that the King desires our beauty, and that we ought to carefully attend to our character, and to making ourselves spiritually beautiful for that great destination wedding on the other shore.

In my opinion, the answer to the conundrum surrounding the discussion about female beauty is not to diminish or deny its importance, but to exalt and embrace the all-surpassing beauty to which it points.

Related posts:

1. Beauty at Any Cost
2. True Feminine Beauty
3. Drunk – The New Female Tenderness?

Not worth the cost of the rice it takes to feed her.

Chinese women have traditionally been considered dispensable. Before communism came to power, women were viewed as servants. According to Chinese history, the birth of a son brought great fortune to the family, while the birth of a daughter was seen as a terrible burden. An ancient Chinese proverb says, “It is more profitable to raise geese than daughters.” Families wept when a girl was born, because she was an unnecessary expense. In ancient China, the sale of wives and daughters was completely legal. It was common for a family to sell the daughters to support the family.

When communism took over China in 1949, they immediately outlawed the sale of daughters and gave women the freedom to work outside the home. The famous Communist leader, Mao Zedong, elevated the status of women, saying that females “hold up half the sky.” The women of China were ecstatic – communism had given them equality. Or rather, it tried.

Communism really did try to give women equality. But equality wasn’t enough, because even today Chinese women are still being sold, killed and abused by the millions. The laws changed, but the underlying mindset did not.

Communism not only promoted women’s rights, but also sought to raise the availability of food, employment and education by decreasing the size of the Chinese population. The infamous One-Child Policy was implemented in 1980 and the resulting issues reveal the truth about China’s mindset toward women.

When families were limited to one child, the overwhelming majority wanted a boy. Sons give back to the family in wages and would take care of the aging parents, while daughters were seen as a liability that was expensive to marry off. Extreme measures were taken to have a son. Gender-selective abortions became commonplace, female infanticide skyrocketed, baby girls were abandoned by the millions, and parents sold unwanted daughters to traffickers for a profit.

Today, the Chinese government boasts that the One-Child Policy has prevented over 400 million births, but what they don’t tell you is that a majority of those never born were girls. This disdain for females has also created a massive influx of women and girls into China’s sex trade. On the flip side, the consistent preference for male children over females is quickly leading to a generation of men who have no wives to marry. Experts predict that by 2020, China will have 40 million more single young men than available women. Contrary to assumptions, this gender imbalance did not result in women being valued and treasured as equals, but simply raised their price as a commodity to be bought and sold.

Because the underlying mindset never changed.

No government law will end the sex trade in China. No agenda will liberate Chinese women from their suffering. No revolution can save Chinese girls from exploitation or death. It’s all been tried. It’s all failed.

How do women gain worth?

The answer isn’t equality. It is imagery.

A person’s worth is not based on the fact that they are male or that they are female, but that they were created in the image of God. It is that divine image that gives worth to a human being. It is for this reason that God says all life is sacred – because it bears His image. “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27

The only thing that sets men and women apart from animals is that humans were created in the image of God. So, when God is eliminated from law, government, and society, people become no better than animals to be used and exploited for selfish gain.

Imagery leads to dignity. A woman’s worth is not based on her gifting, talents or the ability to give back, but on the One being reflected.

The only proven cure for the abuse and exploitation of women? Jesus Christ

Jesus instructed husbands to love their wives as He loved the church. (Eph. 5:21-33) God names himself as protector of the husband-less and father-less. (Ps. 9:9, 68:5, 146:9) The Lord commands his church to care for oppressed women and children. (James 1:27, Deut. 24:17-22)

Ultimately, the solution to the terrible degradation of women in China isn’t a law, an agenda or a revolution. To change the mindset, the heart must be redeemed.

It is the human sin nature that causes the sexes to engage in power struggles, and regard one sex as superior to and more necessary than the other. It’s only when woman is seen as an equal but complimentary bearer of the image of God, created for the display of His glory, that her true worth and dignity will be recognized. Only then, will she be regarded as indispensible.

Related posts:

1. I prayed for this child
2. I Am Woman

1. Read the fourteenth point of contrast between a Wild and a Wise Thing (Pages 191-198)
2. Download and complete the Chapter Questions for Personal Reflection
3. Post your comments on the Blog

• What kind of “power” does luxurious living offer? Do you feel the pull of this attraction?
• What type of behavior would you expect to see in someone who “treasures the riches of the Kingdom more than the riches of the world?
• Other than money, what are your most precious resources?
• What can you do to invest yourself and your resources for eternity?

Related posts:

1. Book Blog 12: Spotting a Fake
2. Book Blog 3: Are you a Wily Coyote?
3. Book Blog 1: Have you been swept off your feet?

1. Read the fourth point of contrast between a Wild and a Wise Thing (Pages 57-70)
2. Download and complete the Chapter Questions for Personal Reflection
3. Post your comments on the Blog

• What type of disposition does culture encourage women to cultivate?
• How do you feel about the fact that Adam associated manhood with “strength” and womanhood with “softness”? What do you think that means?
• Do you delight in the fact that the Lord created you to be “soft”? Why or why not.
• What factors might keep you from becoming increasingly gentle, calm, and amenable?

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1. Girls Gone Wise Video Book Blog
2. Book Blog 3: Are you a Wily Coyote?
3. Book Blog Intro: A Tale of a Girl Gone Wild

Girl-Gone-Wild: Circumspect
Girl-Gone-Wise: Indulgent

Girl-Gone-Wild: “I have spread my couch with coverings, colored linens from Egyptian linen; I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.” Proverbs 7:16-17

Girl-Gone-Wise: “She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy… she makes bed coverings for herself…”. Proverbs 31:20-22

Although that particular ad campaign hasn’t run in North America, it’s the clandestine message of virtually all mass marketing efforts. Merchandisers want to convince us that we need more of whatever it is they are selling. The Bible’s perspective differs from the world’s. Constantly buying more stuff isn’t a trait of a woman who’s smart, it’s a hallmark of a Girl-Gone-Wild. The Wild Thing is an indulgent, voracious consumer who pursues pleasure through the purchase of material goods. A Girl-Gone-Wise thinks differently about the way she spends her money. She’s circumspect. She understands that everything she has comes from God. She tries to honor Him by being a good steward of all her resources. She treasures the riches of the Kingdom more than the riches of the world.

The fact that the woman in Proverbs 7 takes such care to detail the extravagant luxury of her possessions gives us a clue as to her attitude towards them. It’s clear she has an underlying attitude of self-importance and self-indulgence. She wants the young man to be impressed and to hold her in high regard. She wants him to admire her, and to charm him with all her finery. She wants him to affirm that she is really something. She’s like the harlot, Lady Babylon, who indulged in the “power of luxurious living” and in the “passion of sexual immorality”, and seduced nations to “drink her wine.” (Revelation 18:3)

The passage in Revelation informs us that Lady Babylon was a greedy consumer. She was a shopaholic who bought all sorts of exotic imported merchandise: “gold, silver, jewels, pearls, fine linen, purple cloth, silk, scarlet cloth, all kinds of scented wood, all kinds of articles of ivory, all kinds of articles of costly wood, bronze, iron and marble, cinnamon, spice, incense, myrrh, frankincense, wine, oil, fine flour, wheat, cattle and sheep, horses and chariots, and slaves, that is, human souls.” She was extremely fond of these “delicacies and splendors.” In her mind, they were status symbols-”must-have” items. The latest and greatest in Babylon’s More magazine was “the fruit for which [her] soul longed.” (18:12-14)

Nowadays, we’ve substituted designer jeans for purple cloth, satin sheets for fine linen, French perfume for frankincense, 5-star restaurants for cattle and sheep, BMWs for horses and chariots, nannies and housekeepers for slaves, but we’re just as greedy and self-indulgent. Like Lady Babylon and the Proverbs 7 woman, we’re caught up in the endless quest for more. We spend and spend, even if we don’t have the money.

A Girl-Gone-Wild is a voracious consumer. She treasures the things of this world more than she treasures Jesus Christ. She settles for fleeting pleasures that do not satisfy her deepest needs, and in the end, ultimately destroy her soul. The world tells us that smart girls get more. But Scripture says that if we’re truly smart, we won’t settle for the “more” the world can offer. We’ll want immeasurably more than its cheap, temporary thrills. The problem is not that we desire beautiful and precious things, but that we have a faulty perception about what is most beautiful and most precious. We settle for treasures that wear out, break down, and can be stolen, when we ought to set our hearts on riches that last forever.

The Bible teaches that what you do with money-or desire to do with it-can make or break your happiness forever. The Girl-Gone-Wild who makes material riches her goal in life has the wrong values. However wealthy she may appear, she is poverty-stricken in God’s sight. In His economy, the truly rich woman is the one whose main aim in life is to serve him as King. Her wealth lies in the currency of faith and good works, opening her hand to the poor, and reaching out her hands to the needy. She has a heavenly bank balance that no one can steal and nothing can erode. She lays up for herself treasures in heaven, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:21) The Girl-Gone-Wise knows that heavenly treasure is the kind that smart girls get more.

© Mary A. Kassian

This is a pre-publication excerpt from “Girls Gone Wise in a World gone Wild,” © Mary A. Kassian to be published by Moody Publishers in 2010. All rights reserved. You are welcome to link to this post, but please do not copy and/or reproduce this copyrighted material without express written permission of Moody Publishing.

Related posts:

1. Wise vs. Wild Contrast #4: Attitude
2. Wise vs. Wild Contrast #12: Authenticity
3. Wise vs. Wild Contrast #13: Neediness